A Bitter View

Well I havent posted like I should because of my Nic card died on me. I feel its a motherboard problem since anything new wont install or even register on my comp. Im gonna get my money together and buy parts to build my own, But in the meantime. I'll have to use my dusty old laptop. While im at it I gotta clear out the spamers on here as well..

The movie title comes to mind because of what happened.

Last night in the blizzard I experienced my first roadkill by hitting a deer. It shook me up because the last thing I wanted to do was take a Animals' life in this weather. I came home so damn depressed and my friends told me that "shit like this happens" but I never thought it would happen to me. It was a dark road with no street lights that the accident occured. My ride has a busted headlight as well. I'll shake it off eventually, but damn...

In the special ed class i taught today, there was one student that was reading a mini-comic of the Punisher. I could tell because of all the violence. Being a comic fan I know that you have to be 18 & over in order to read that particular book. I remembered that the mini comics came with the movie's DVD. He showed it to his friends and they were gawking at the "dude gettin shot" sayin "Punisher's Cold!" I do commend him though because when it was time to work he put it away.

Now that im a role of teacher to the kids and also being a comic fan I was a little conflicted. I feel this isn’t what they should be reading at all. Yet I know for a fact the only way they could've gotten the comic was from someone older within their family. I also realize that especially in the inner city violence is normal whether physical or verbal. All I know is what it comes down to is nobody knew any better. The adults in his house view it as a kids comic book and nothing more not knowing it wasn’t made for kids.

Do you sit or stand when you put your pants on?

I stand unless im too damn tired to.

Which leg do you put in first?

Usually, my left is first.

what is your favorite brand?

Whatever fits me! lol

Are men intimidated by intelligent women?

Some are, Hell alot are! When a man is raised to be the bread winner and a woman has sort of surpassed him in the work field, a man then considers and judges his worth in her life if they were a couple. He would feel that she would be the head of the household especially with the decision making. Men like successful women but when the woman gets a big head over it, that’s what keeps the men away. I personally prefer a woman who is successful and doesn’t brag about it at all. There’s also a factor of most men are quick to think that when a woman is intelligent and successful she is already taken (im a culprit for that as well). The body language changes and its hard for men to make a move in that case. If I ever have a chance (again) of going out with a successful intelligent woman I’d personally go for it. As long as she maintains a down to earth personality and doesn’t let it go to her head why not? It’s a definite financial, physical & emotional investment!

Are women intimidated by intelligent men?

I'm not a woman so i'd have to ask my female friends, I felt that that was what women liked about a man was his intelligence.

M-I-C... M-I.. M-IIIIIII!

Y'Tryin 2 leave us Huh?! You dont know who you Fuckin Wit...We BeBe Kids'!

Since I haven’t worked in 2 weeks (bills kickin my ass right now) the other day when I got up to make me sum breakfast (Reeses’ Puffs) I turned to Comedy central to catch the Non funnies. Y’know the comedians that are so unfunny they stick them on daytime for fillers. This particular I was caught by surprise when they showed an old original HBO half hour comedy special of Robin Harris. I instantly got my Tivo ready. I have it uncut on tape buried somewhere. Dude was about to blow up when he died and even though the jokes are hella old I was still rolling to them despite the bleeps. I remember when I called my brother an S.O.B. and my moms took away my BeBe’s Kids tape because of that. That shit didn’t stop me, I bought another one and kept it from her site. Man, I still use his lines to this day. My favorite line to use:

I'm a Drunk not a alchoholic... Alchoholic gotta go to dem gotdamn meetings! Ah the memories… R.I.P.(Hughley's doing a terrible job of being him too)

Sma-Smal-SMALL WORLD!!!

Today's my anniversary of life. Man I am not ready to be 30 yet I feel theres a few thing i needed to do before i reached this age. But since i can't stop time I might as well enjoy it. Now i'm officialy grown folk lol!

Back in the teaching gig again, im really considering quitting this shit. I can see why schools need subs now. I have new respect for the teachers but at the same time being the omnipotent bastard or all I survey doesn’t work either. The vice principal sat me down and we talked about my “methods” She asked me if I liked teaching elementary I said I have no problem with the grades at all. I hoped she considered that I am a sub therefore the odds are against me in controlling the class. My methods of doing so have got a lot of flak and of all things she says maybe I should “lighten up” I feel there’s a lot of bullshit behind the positive reinforcement that she suggested for me. She told me to give 2 warnings before I write them up. Mind you after numerous times of telling them to sit down and be quiet please how is that not warning? I was then asked if I took my problems to the district. That another obstacle because once employed by them I’ve noticed their attitudes becomes snotty in a way that I should be happy that I have the job. No wonder they need subs so much they treat them like shit, Children and staff. I shouldn’t be so tense but im at wits end on how to deal with them now my only option is to find work (lawd help me) elsewhere and continue school to be a full time teacher. I’m tired of the lectures of the need for black male teachers, what fucking good is it doing for me to come off as a positive role model without knocking the fuck out them kids and snapping on some of the staff about themselves as well.

I can’t take this bullshit much longer. I’m updating my resume and getting back on the grind.

The parking lot of Ford City On 75th & Cicero Blew the fuck up yesterday due to a gas valve. My condolences to those who were injured but I have to say the things the bystanders (ghetto commentators) were sayin had me rollin' and the line that took the cake?

"It was like 911 all over again!"

Were you in New york? WTF! With all the shootings around there this was the last thing I wouldnt expect to happen. As warm as it was I was waiting for a dude with a stocking cap & jheri curl all geeked hollering "IT WAS CRAZY AS HELL!!" On 2nd thought that would be Evergreen Plaza. LOL

Do you sleep with a radio or TV on every night?

I used to, I blame my father for that. He used to do that which I felt is a sign of his loneliness, but eventually he got me into it and thankfully my TV has a built in timer as well as a sleep button! So I set it to turn off usually after 2 hours i'm fully asleep.

Then I took the loser test...

FUCK!!

Lets give this a try...

Three names you go by:

On The net: SinRo/ Fringe-3xl / Dr. Destroyah

To Family & Friends: Leroy or RoSean

Schools that I sub: Mr. Smith

Things you like about yourself:

I'm single with no attachments

I'm a Survivor

I'm not ugly!

Things you hate/dislike about yourself:

I exxessively procrastinate.

My Quiet Shy Nature around people I dont know.

I unintentionally Imtimidate people with my looks.

things that scare you:

Staying single till I die.

Being seen as a constant joke.

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):

Little Brother

Murs

De La Soul

Three of your favorite songs at present:

Big cas - Dollar Dollar (circulate)

Ma$e ft. P. Diddy - Breathe, Stretch, Shake

Murs - Where's the Beef?

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:

Save money and invest

Continue and achieve success at starting a business on Ebay

Recieve my A+ certification

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

Trust, Honesty and Affection.

Two truths and a lie:

I love hip-hop, I love comic books, I'm 18

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:

Eyes, Smile, Bootie

Three of your favorite hobbies:

Reading, Video games & Music

Three things you want to do really badly right now:

Get Paid, Get Laid and travel to someplace warmer.

careers you're considering:

Comic book writer & letterer, Computer Repairman, Dvd Authoring specialist

Two places you want to go on vacation:

Japan & Brazil

Three things you want to do before you die:

Achieve Wealth, Have a family, establish a busisness

1. I’ve been thinking about building my own comp like crazy, I’ve lurked Pricewatch & computer Geeks all week trying to find the cheapest parts.

2. The Weather for my birthday was the most beautiful thing to happen for me from the earth what a present!

3. I want to quit subbing because I have to go through so much bullshit in order to control the class.

4. For fun I rhyme battled a 8th grader that had no punchlines besides talking about my clothes and I lost in their eyes because im an adult and I’m not supposed to be too grown to rap so they wasn’t hearing me.

5. My first weekend all to myself during a work week in months. I’m gonna spend it like I usually do. Not doing a damn thing.

6. I was recommended from the district I sub to be apart of a new program for in house suspended students great I might be in charge of study hall.

7. I’m fuckin 30 now im tired of being single, im ready to mingle, I don’t know where to start!

8. I want the instrumental to that new J-lo track, but I cant front the beginning of it is dope

9. I’ll probably give my old man a visit Saturday night. & prepare for my moms B-day next week

10. Just remembered I need a new calendar

11. I hear the production on The Game’s album is the best this year and its only January.

12. Sin City or Fantastic Four?

Would you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

How come 7/11 stores got locks on their doors if there open 24/7?

What would you call 'tossin the salad' of a vegetarian?

why do they called the site Paypal when I aint pals wit none of these cats im payin?

Why does hawaii have an INTERstate highway?

Well I didnt get the Study hall gig like I figured. I didn't really give a fuck about it other than the benefits.

I've been hella uninspired all this week to write anything on either Blogs I own, not even my Q&A's

Ive spen all this week banning ip numbers of spammers (HANK3849 Eat a dick & shut the Fuck up.) and thanks to my damn hosting service I dare not install MT-blacklist. I definetly have to get my server moving in action by the end of next month.

My damn books for class havent come in yet. And here i'm thinking im getting a better deal paying 10 dollars for a book through ebay and waiting than buying the book new for 100 and having it now.

Even though its outdated, I love my Tivo, especially since I have Learned the 30 second skip trick!

R.I.P Johnny Carson & Dreamwave Productions

I've got a grudge to settle with a punk ass 8th grader who loves to diss me in front of an audience especially his boys, yet when he's alone he get shook & doesnt say shit. I made the shit personal when he did it in a hallway and regular teachers watched and did nothing.

[Lets go out for sushi or sumthin]!

My mother’s mad at me (what else is new) for not giving her a happy b-day.

I’ve only worked one day this week as well as last week. And bills are kicking my ass about now.

Most of my quick made foods are gone, thx to my brother and I feel too lethargic to cook something.

I really didn’t feel like working today, at all. But my manager needed me in the computer lab to troubleshoot the faulty computers. My mind & heart’s not into it today.

Why do I feel like everyone’s advancing in their lives to some extent while I’m still behind

Im submitting my resume like crazy to places all over the country, yet I feel it’s totally futile.

I’d love a drink about now to relax if I could afford it.

Does being stressed contain feeling tense, irritated and depressed at the same time? if so then I feel that way alot.

I drove to Skokie the other day to the Old Orchard Mall, just because I felt like driving & letting my Lyra play for a few hours. Once I got there I realized I came on the wrong day. For one thing parking was horrible as fuck. I love their Barnes & Nobles because so far it’s the biggest I’ve seen in the state. I couldn’t get a parking space near there at all. I ended up parking next to Lord & Taylor’s (most Southsiders neva heard bout that store.) and walked the rest of the way. I remember when I took my brother there one day in the summer he told me how hot the girls look but they were bougie to him. At the time I didn’t see it. But that day I did, and man was it ugly, could it have been towards me? I was one of the only black males in that area (I counted 3, and one worked there). I really want to blame the cold especially because of the lack of thank you’s I received trying to be a good samaritan and open the door for others and vice versa didn’t happen as well. I used to want to move there sometime in the next couple of years or sooner, this now deters me. I’ll get over it and assimilate myself among them to do the same.

I’ve went through all the stages a man my age can go through about being single when I don’t want to. I did the bitter site (still shows too) I did the zero tolerance; I did the crazy nigga, the nigga ya love to hate. Sheeit, I bet ive played roles that haven’t had a category yet. 2 years ago I took a vow to stop giving dudes advice about their girls. Why because it was evident that I entered that zone where everything I say was against the opposite sex and I barely had any experience with them.

There were many times where conversation would start about men and women in relationships on all angles even when it came to sex I had nothing to say. All the while I longed for the experiences I heard and wonder why doesn’t some of that shit happen to me? What the fuck am I doing wrong? What am I not doing? What’s the problem? I should be a catch! I have my own place, car

The whole time I considered why I had so much bad luck with women and the answers I came up with only made me more frustrated and wondering how to change. It got to a point I started buying books hoping it would help me out. Those books didn’t do a damn thing but help me spend money. I tried other way of getting in the game by online personals and phone chat lines, all that shit did was put me in debt and the lucky dates I got I can count on one hand. I never asked for sex when I did take a female out; yet I continued to last only one date and nothing more. I tried changing my gear, ironing my clothes, washing my ass frequently even though I continued I felt I ran out of options. The shit got to me one year and ultimatly cause me to have a nervous breakdown. There I was goin nuts because of something that was so minor in others eyes yet was so much to me because I saw no way to change.