A Bitter View

Who is your favorite TV Mom?

Marge Simpson!

What is your favorite commerical "jingle"?

Right now its Super Milk Chan dance commercial on Adult Swim. (You Dumbass - Oh Yeah!)

Do you eat 3 meals a day, more, or less than 3 meals?

Usually Less than 3 meals.

Do you usually have a larger lunch or supper/dinner?

Sometimes I do. I used to all the time to make sure im full. now it doesnt matter to me as long as I got something substancial in my belly.

What is your favorite kind of Pie? (I am not trying to be dirty
here LOL)

I hate Pie. Unless its Chocolate!

What is your favorite kind of soda/pop?

Sprite Remix, DnL, Limewire & Cherry Pepsi

What is your favorite(s) cereal?

When I was younger I couldnt put my finger on a complete favorite but i do remember eating frequently than others Crunch Berries, Count chocula, Cocoa Puffs & Lucky Charms. Now it's Resses Puffs (Had 3 bowls Today too!)

What is your favorite kind of cookie?

Mostly Anything with chocolate followed by oatmeal raisin.

What are your plans for the weekend?

I do the same thing ive done every night for the last 30 years of my life... NOT A COTDAMN THING!

Today I taught the damn 6 graders again. What joy. Just like last time I got no support from the staff when the class got out of control. You'd think the bastards would have courtesy for others especially when all they had to do was a damn test. Nope. No way. Fuck that.

The more I look into teaching fulltime the more I work as a sub and realize I dont have the patience for this mess. I hope to god I get a call for another good paying with benefits, permament job soon. I've only worked one day this week and its already pissing me off.

On a good note I see how much an impression I can make on some students. One child who's now in 7th grade (i've known her since sixth) loves to quickly visit me and say hi every time she sees me. How nice of her. Maybe I should out weigh the compliments I get from the kids on one hand to the multiple counts of trifling trolls who can't give me respect. Naw. Nope. No way. Fuck that.

I wonder if there was a Substitute teachers day would we get more than a stupid key chain and Parker pen that says "Your Appreciated"

For two weeks in a row I was approached by a student in class and both asked me the same thing which now bothers me. “You don’t like kids, do you?” The first sentence that goes through my head is “why the fuck would you say that” Then I see myself saying what my momma said to me when I asked her the same thing. I was always a rebellious person who hated authority (still does to this day) and long for the day I can be among the powerful you could say I’m a megalomaniac about it. She gives me the sane answer I gave to them “I don’t like the things that you do” and that’s real. I guess they can tell I’m fed up with this job and it shows upon my face. Of course the kids piss me off to the point I want to strangle the bastards and the lack of control as a sub frustrates me more. I still feel I have enough tolerance to have some in the future.

Man The superbowl was alaround lame. But then again I didnt really give a fuck who won. Paul McCartney's music was a as tame as can be it tripped me out to see some of the black folks in the audience lookin around wondering "what the fuck you doin?"

The commercials werent as good neither. But if I had to choose the three that made me laugh out loud? they'd have to be:

1. The Throwbacks - Lays

2. Cat Killer - Ameriquest

3. The Stick up - Ameriquest

Peep them yourself Here and find your own...

Call me an idiot but these tales that I tell so well always amuses people, so I thought I’d share a bit here. Y’see when it comes to getting hints that a lady is interested in me, the body language goes right through me. I never get the message until maybe a year later. I’ve struck out on a lot of future girlfriends and booty calls because I just didn’t understand what the girl was trying to do. I admit ive only had one girlfriend, Why? Because she was the only female to approach me and tell me how she felt. I wish more women did that. But now I know through my friend Katisha that for whatever means of insecurity, fear of rejection or just the belief that “its what a man should do” women wont come out and tell you off my experience what they want. As a man im supposed to get the hints and act on them and that’s where I go wrong.

I was never good at running game at all. My daddy never taught me what to do or what to look for. I mostly winged it. When it was directed at me it was over my head to the point in the background you could hear crickets. A lady could smile in my face, everyday, go out of her way to strike up conversation with me and the only thing I would think of is what a nice girl she is. One of my best examples of this was a chick I met at a club. She was a white girl that looked Latina that grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood. She was my first try (and I mean try) at an interracial type of thing. The more I got to know her the more I was scared of her though because she used to run with a gang when she was younger and I didn’t want any connection with a thug woman. She told me she liked talking to me because I was different from the other dudes she’s ever met. It was because I was about goals and doing the right thing and a man like me is what she needed in her life.

One night we were on the phone and we were talking about past relationships. I only had one so I couldn’t talk about much at all. It was then she gave me an invitation to her crib. It was about 1:00am and she told me her parents were out of town and she wanted to see me. Here’s where I think of something other than the obvious. Instead of just saying yes I ask her “So what can we do? Ya don’t got no Nintendo!” (Yes, I did ask her that thinking nothing of it.) She sweetly said no so I declined. We stopped talking for a few weeks after that but eventually we kept in touch. It wasn’t until a year has gone bye that once I thought about it and put all the clues together: All alone, Wants me to come over, 1:00 in the morning. I realized what I dumbass I was for not getting a clue that she was going to give me some. All the while I thought she was asking me to come over just to hang out cause sex was the last thing on my mind for reasons to come over. I bet the first thing she did was call her friends & told them stupid I was to turn her down. Aw well.

The hood’s trying to take me under. But that’s what I get for accepting to live in a place where crime is the norm. These bastards out here are pushing me to the limit, and I fear if I push back bad shit might happen to me and mine. Last week the fucking kids of the block decided to have a snowball fight; with people’s houses. My screen door is now hanging off the hinges because of this. When the outside got warmer they decided to shoot dice again on my back porch. I decided to interrupt their playing and asked them nicely to find another spot. Only one said “iight” yet they didn’t move at all and continued playing. Calling the anonymous hotline didn’t work at all last summer, I mean these bastards are trespassing and even the damn police wont help. The last straw was when my brothers’ friend decided to come over for a few hours and play games. Outside we heard a window shatter and to our horror his window was shot out. That shit ain’t right at all. Where the fuck were the parents anyway. I’m kicking my search of permanent employment into full drive and getting the fuck out of this ghetto.

I'm one year older, ten times more determined, potna - Ras Kass

A complex is really fuckin with me at the moment now that im older; I’m noticing that my bosses are becoming a lot younger. I’m not gonna lie, envy is the culprit, what irks me is that dudes some more successful than I could ever be within their age and yet I should be the one giving them the orders and advice.

After a long har day of putting up with talkative 3rd graders as a sub i came home to see that I had recieved a call about a interview. I got a hold of the guy and discussed what the position is about after he grilled me of my skills on the phone. I was shook for a while when I found out what the company was but eventually I accepted and with the last 200 bucks in my pocket purchased a new suit, Long sleeve shirt, tie & shoes. I also headed to the barbers to get a lining. I feel for this particular company I wanna look the best I can. The place is real convenient and ideal to travel commuute wise. My only faults at the moment are that my resume isnt printed out yet and i have nothing to carry them even if i had one ready. Nevertheless. at 95% reddiness this should be a sinch to handle.

I've always hated the 1st impression BS and not because I've sucked at it. I've always wanted someone to see the potential within me to over look how I appear; but now I feel I have no choice but to go with the grain. Well fuck it, im bout to kill this shit. and prove what the 'Ro has inside and out.

Man I thought I’d never say this about myself. But im truly fucking up. I need to prioritize and organize myself. On the route im going I’m becoming my own worst enemy if im not already.

The interview went good. Although I was already outed for not knowing the programs that they wanted (I’m not being negative, he told me) He did give me credit for going over the web site and bringing up particular elements that he over looked or didn’t consider. Well I’m just glad I was considered. So far I have been interviewed for a fulltime position twice this year once a month and I hope the streak continues.

The trip downtown was nice and to have my feet walk along Michigan ave and Wabash again felt good. I walked past my school and decided not to visit I saw from the outsides that a lot of the interior has changed and I aint gonna lie the security guard was cute as hell. It was around 11:00 am when I walked past and around that time peeps are scrambling for their classes. I went into one of my favorite spots downtown (DePaul University Center) to check out the Afrocentric Bookstore which has been closed down to my dismay. Damn, first the Crows Nest goes under and now this. I’m glad that Tower stayed open downtown too. I saw that they moved Most of the music upstairs while the movies were moved down. Even the Porno. Out in the Open at the end of the aisle. My walk to the Randolph Metra station I saw the constructor have been busy. The station is more futuristic looking but now with less room to move about.

Finishing up my assignments for my class today caused me to be over 30 minutes late I decided to wait out till break time to come in so I chilled at the door. Just my luck that He lets everyone out early so I turn in my assignment anyway too bad my shit looks rushed unlike others. I remembered this was the week of midterm review so I asked a classmate for her notes to scan and review. I didn’t check the scanner before I ran them all through now they look too awful to read. I offered my notes from a previous class that she missed but I warned her that my writing isn’t as good as hers. I guess im going to have to wing it.

I noticed a girl today walking to a classroom that looked a lot like a female I used to know at my previous school. If she’s getting her Masters as well, more power to her. Then I remembered I tried to talk to her as well. She turned me down but it was one of the nicest rejections I’ve ever received (I can count them on one hand) Maybe I should’ve said something but past is the past so fuck it.

My Stepfather or should I say my brother’s father came over and help out with our place which I appreciated. He built us a new shelf to place our food on and fixed a trouble spot on our computer desk. I haven’t cleaned the house in a week and it shows. That’s a Helpful guy.

I turned down teaching for 2 days straight. The lady who gives the assignments over the phone got all pouty when I refused. I need the money too but its come to appoint I cant deal with the shit anymore. I’ve gotten so sick of dreading the 6 in the morning phone calls; coming home after the assignments to headaches, face throbbing and feeling of my body’s energy being drained that I have to sleep for a few hours before I go to work. I need an escape. I'll find it eventually.