A Bitter View

Girls in the 7th grade are claiming R. Kelly is their husband. Aint that a bitch?

The class I had today had a little visitor. An insect which was big as my pinkie. The females were the first to look and of course talk out their neck about it when all they had to do was kill it. Even the boys pussed out when they saw it, I almost had to stop and laugh. They all claimed it was a roach but it looked like a cricket to me. After one of the girls (yes a girl) squished it she washed her hands and let them know how they acted over a stupid bug. One of the Caucasian students approached me and said "They act like they never saw a roach before." I asked are they supposed to and she said yeah. The ignorance almost let me tell the whole class who were predominantly black and put her on blast. But something told me to chill. Since she is young she does not realize what she's saying.

A few of the kids I know asked me if I was single and I told them I was. When I do there quick to mention a certain teacher I’ve subbed before whose single as well. Now I aint gonna lie I am tempted, she is quite attractive (the ass is deliciously amazing!) but something keeps me away from trying to ask her out. I'm against going out with those who you work with. The thought of a relationship going bad and the fact that if you work together in the same place doesn’t help at all. I have my mother to thank for that since all her marriages have been with men she's worked with including my father. I think i'll just admire from afar instead.
:)

My midterms are all over. Although now I feel like weight is lifted off my shoulders, I can’t be happy with my work. I realize the errors I’ve made in my studying and it all comes down to my arch nemesis Mr. Procrastination. He’s a fowl dude, he is. One not to be messed with I feel I really need to take it to him and confront him since he’s the main culprit of me not reaching my dream next to his right hand man Mr. Indifference. We will have it out and soon. In another 6 weeks my finals is coming and I want them gone by then. Hope that I have the strength within me to banish them.

I gotta say, I can't knock his plan. A man has set up a site and asked for $50,000 or he'll eat a bunny named Toby. The tripped out part is that He's already been given over $16,000 through the net. Why didnt I think of this mess! Hope the Animal Cruelty & PETA doesnt find out about him. >:)

What quality is most important to you in a partner????

I'd have to say she would be openminded towards the things that I like to do. She would have to accept me the same way I would her. Because i'd tell a broad in a second if she signifies that my hobbies have been here before her and they will be here after her. On my life.

To combat the stress that my moms/landlord puts me through about my rent, I gladly accepted to work OT at the computer lab doing Break/Fix ish with the comps. I’m gonna need all the doe I can attain right now. I know my ride needs new tires & brakes real soon. I have to throw away whatever hesitation and the urge to bullshit and go ahead and make this money. Hell, I gotta get my study on as well. I realize to make a change I have to first accept it.

My new machine is ready to start working. All I need to install is a floppy drive and a modem. This is the machine that I want to help make money for me. I already got my hustle plan all laid out but im contemplating if I should do it since I don’t have the essentials to really get started. I’m gonna offer Cassette to Cd conversion (not ready for Vinyl yet) as well as Floppy & Zip disk file recovery (Cd’s & Hard drive can’t do yet) I believe there a good start since my web designing shit is technically dead.

It's all easier said than done. Now i'd better back up my words.

Do you like your partner or person of the opposite sex using perfume?

Of course, I like a lady that smells good. It's a fascinating thing to me.

What is your favorite perfume on your partner or person of the opposite sex?

Well unless I get a partner I’ll never know since I don’t keep up with the names. There are distinct ones that I know will set me off.

What scent do you use?

Y'know I was never a cologne person. The child within me refused to rock cologne because of the fear of attracting insects. I started that when my first girlfriend gave me a bottle of Gucci cologne and I would wear it for her but end up running away from the bees who though I was a flower. Recently, my friend Katisha gave me some game about how scents work with your body depending on what you use and also the old "Boy, Time to Grow Up!" was part of it as well. I got a sample of a cologne from Nordstrom that ive been saving for an occasion. I like the scent but im not sure if it'll work with me. I'll find out.

Rockin my Lyra in my car, it got me thinking about the game of how rappers talk shit. I guess it’s a black thing since nobody pops more shit than my people. Examining 3 rappers in particular had me analyzing how I do my thing.

Prodigy from Mobb Deep: His whole style is talking shit. When it comes to gun play or just straight out talking bout hurtin muhfuggas he has it down. Ironically he gets stuck up in his own neighborhood on occasion I hear. J-Zone adds comedy to his shit talking just for the hell of it. Count Bass D Talks shit to cover his insecuritities. I’ve been around many peeps who love to pop shit wherever they be at. Hell, my little great cousin does it all the time. It’s to the point that he thinks he's untouchable. My boys do it all the time to the point it pissed me off.

I guess personally I was never a shit talker. Why? Because I believe in whatever I say I’ll do regardless if I declare it or not. I was never quick with snappy banter either. Purposely. I’m a man of action as well as a grown ass man If I have to lay hands on some one then screw hollering “I’mma Beat yo’ ass!” I’m just gonna commence to ass beatings. I’m not gonna tell a broad I got skills in bed and exaggerate my goods. Im just gonna knock it out once I get the chance. I tried that mess long ago and I neva got the hang of it due to people calling my bluff. I’m rather comfortable being action personified.

It’s been 3 days now since I got a call to teach and even though I need the money about now, im not missing it one bit. They must’ve found out how I had some of the 8th graders in an after school detention cipher and let them battle each other and say whatever they liked. Yeah, I let them cuss inside the school, good role model am I not? Anyway they kept it up till one of the staff came to send them off. Aw well. They will call I have no doubts.

I got my scores back from my Classes im surprised to see im still doing well. But I was more taken towards my screenwriting class and the grading critique I received from my professor. I feel it has influenced me more to continue writing since one of my goal is to have a comic book story published, hell a graphic novel even. That’s why a brotha got subscriptions to Write Now! for.

My new dream machine is now completed (insert mad scientist laugh here) I’ll take a pic of it to post on here soon. I let my brother know that the old come is now his. We switch computers now whenever we want to use it. Its tedious operation to do since we have to take out the wires and re plug them. I already let him know that I made an account on the new computer for him but since I told him the old one is his now he uses it to his advantage. I’ll just let him do the switching. Heh.

"Cuz the Greatest Rapper of all time Died on March 9th" - Canibus

Chillin at home watching G.I. JOE season 1 pt. 1 DVD that my brother bought for me for my birthday I love the nostalgia yet now that im an adult I realize how the shit was so cheesy at times. Here are some examples of the Joes that as a kid you watched in awe yet as an adult your quick to holler bullshit. I’ve listed them in no particular order.

• Cobra commander was a fucking idiot. Most of cobras’ defeats were his fault. Destro was his brains from the get go.


• With the exception of the Baroness the females could only impersonate women.


• Zartan’s “sunlight weakness” would only work in certain situations.


• Storm Shadow was a bad muhfugga to only use his hands to total a tank. Yet only Quick Kick (who only knows karate) and Spirit (who was an 80% stereotype) could beat him.


• Shipwrecks’ bird was a very intelligent parrot. He could actually engage in regular conversation with the Joes.


• Nobody died (till the movie and even then was nullified) yet millions of dollars in property was fugged. When a plan or tank was shot down the pilots Miracously ejected to safety.


• Every one had sorry ass aim!


• When ever the Joes hijacked a cobra vehicle they never worked (lousy cobra junk!)


• Every Joe was super athletic I’m talking Captain America style. Doing somersaults off cliff edges to grab on Cobra Fangs.


• If Snake Eyes was mute how did he command his pet wolf?


• If one of the Crimson Twins died Would the other die too?

The last two statements were just shit that came to mind. Feel Free to Join in on whatever I missed. I Didn't even start on the personalities.

Today I found a new limitation for myself. I can’t Teach and go to school on the same day. As a sub which is excruciating on my nerves my only release is sleep to regain energy. I avoided teaching on the particular days I attend school because of this. My need for money won out and I decided to try. Sure enough, once I got to class, I was burnout. I tried my damnest to stay awake. And usually it shows that im tired because my left eyelid droops like I’m drunk. I’m gonna have to let someone know that I can’t work on those days. I’m glad there are only two to deal with.

I know 50 & game are squashing the beef, but damn did he have to kiss him too?

Well my fun is over. Blend City now has its own domain & web space. My car’s brakes are fixed, no growling grinding noises any more. I’ve now got to put in work and make up the money for the repair costs starting tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll be a Gym teacher for 3-5th graders then next week for 4 days straight I’ll be in charge of a 8th grade class (lawd give me the strength!). I’m dreading every minute of it. If I have anything to look forward to after all this is that spring break starts next friday. That will be a better week as any to catch up on my studies and really get my job hunting going.

Man, a couple of regulars in the computer lab are lookin good everyday. I should ask a couple if there single, I don’t have jack shit to lose.

So far my new computer has no real visible faults except when I plug in a USB device in the front the OS restarts; wiping anything I was doing before hand. I gotta be more caucious.

A week ago I just read Will eisner's "Contract With God" I enjoyed the story wholeheartedly. It kinda moved me, his storytelling influenced me to continue with my scriptwriting. I just found out he died a couple of months ago. I went through my collection and found out my issues of the Spirit were done by him as well. i'm sorry I slept on his work so late in the game. R.I.P. Mister Eisner.

My great Cousin stayed out here from Minnesota for a good 4 months and went to school here. He eventually went back due to not fitting in with the classmates here. He got tired of the kids tripping and bullying him constantly trying to make him fight. I can understand that. Chicago kids got a different mentality at least in my view. If I had a chance to move to somewhere different where I didnt have to put up with the shit I did I would go too.

I remember back in the day when I transferred to new school I always had to fight someone just to show how rough I could be in order for other kids to like me. I aint even gonna lie I lost every fight I was in and got clowned. That shit swelled up inside and I vowed not to fight again no matter what. So after 5th grade that’s what I did and I transferred into 2 schools in between my 6th and 8th grade. I kept my cool and I maintained a Incredible Hulk persona “ Just want to be left alone.” And didn’t bother anyone. There were a few bitch ass niggaz that wanted to test me and one almost did. Hell one smacked me in my mouth and yet I refused to lay a hand on him. Now that may sound like pussy shit because most people would say, “Why didn’t you hit him back?” Well, I felt torn. I was conflicted with what to do because of my parents and elders actions.

You get told from all angles that if you hit someone you’ll suffer consequences and I got sick of it. When I did get into trouble nobody believed me. Hell, my mother wouldn’t even fight for me because she became sick of me at times. I remember at 3rd grade a kid picked on me and we fought on the stairs I knocked his ass down the stairs. Other clowns in the neighbor hood were picking on me and I finally stood up for myself despite what the teachers and my parents told me. The first thing that went through my head was “My ma’s gonna be proud of me” But she wasn’t. I guess the kids moms threatened to sue and my moms whupped me for it. I was so confused, she wanted me to stand up for myself and gave me all this shit that if someone put their hands on me defend myself, but then this beating told me I shouldn’t. I was damned if I did or didn’t. Shit like that is how I grew up crazy.

I try to get the kids to settle down and have some courtesy for other classes but they don’t listen to that. Teachers had to come in and tell them to shut up. Once the lunch break was over I got a lecture from them to never give them an inch. Great, but I’m a sub I don’t know their names to give any real discipline to the class. It’s funny how some want me to be more “nicer” other think im “too nice” to the kids. I’m a fucking sub what the hell do they want of me? I’m already being a babysitter.

In one of the forums i go to, the anniversary was coming up real soon. So everyone decided to put how their life has changed since the site started. It took me a while to munster up the key essencials and sum up my life from 01 to present but i did it. and I have to say gottdamn its sad, but i accept full responsibility for it since its my life. It's my mentality i need to get right.

• Got laid off due to 911
• Went from 40k yr to washing dishes at Bakers Square for min wage then quit in anger
• Went on a couple of dates and got clowned each time.
• Got a job 2 hours away by car from my home.
• Developed G.E.R.D. due to stress
• Was able to move intro my own place
• Got a 2004 Dodge Neon SXT
• Almost stayed a year till I got fired and my ride repossessed
• Did public transportation for half a year
• Got a used Ford Taurus
• Became a substitute teacher to make ends meet and hate every minute of it.
• Enrolled back into college for my masters.

All in all just Strugglin & Surviving.

What a downward spiral I’ve descended to. Maybe it's the negativity within me to point out the bad shit instead of the good but I gotta be real and say out of all of that 2 things are the best I could come up with that were sort of life changing. I know I’m built for this world; I just gotta find my niche and make it happen. Ya Gotta love grown folks Life!

I shouldn’t be shocked, stunned or surprised in the least. But there’s always something inside of myself to give the people the benefit of the doubt. I bring this up because of a revelation that I already knew but refused to believe wholeheartedly.

These Kids are fucking…

Today while trying to control the 8th grade class a boy got up and started messing with a particular female for a few minutes and started digging in her purse as I tried to get there and let them know shit like that wont be tolerated; what comes flying out from her purse and lands near my foot and the trash can?

A condom. A Banana flavored condom.

The kids all laughed and eventually the girl blushingly slipped the packed back into her purse and went back to her seat. I mean ya hear it all the time that kids are having sex at a early age but still when you see the evidence its hard to believe. There have been many times I’ve heard kids joke about sex and talk about it yet that’s how I took it. as jokes. Then again I should’ve seen this coming anyway because one of the girls is pregnant, and by the looks of her she's 5 months. Its only 8th grade man, damn.

This situation irks the hell outta me so like the wrestler Konnan would say “Let Me speak on dis” Listening to the radio today during lunch break a topic they were throwing around was about a 7 month pregnant woman. Her boyfriend just lost his job and is going through depression. She is just tired of him moping and wants to end the relationship.

What kind of childish shit is that? I can tell the broad is 2 things. 1. She’s under 25 and most definitely not 20 yet. 2. Since she’s pregnant she moody as hell.

Since a lot of these cluckers agreed that she should leave and no man stood up I decided to put my piece on here & get it off my system. Broads just don’t understand what a man goes through when he gets fired as the man of the household. It’s like getting raped: your manhood is damn near gone. The depression is natural, why? Because our job helps define us as sad as that seems. Especially when we make enough money to take care of our own. Then we lose our job and go into our ruts we think the worst. Ladies, ya’ll can’t be serious that you expect us to go flip burgers after we were just making 3 times the amount of minimum wage to go back to that shit? Even if we have to go back to that mess, you know as well as I do Mickey Dees won’t support a family and barely support one person on min wage on 2 jobs. Once we have them the first things that going to come out of your mouth? “Go get a real job!” We cant win in your eyes. We don’t need ya’ll bitching, what we need from ya’ll is support. Nuff said.

Out of IMDB's top 100 flicks the bold ones are what ive watched.

That song By Linkin Park and Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five's "The Message" Comes to mind in making a soundtrack that related to my my life so far in '05.

Well Spring break is on and im glad about that. Ya’ll just don’t know how ecstatic I am. I have no real plans but gaining the piece of mind that I desperately needed. Unfortunately I realize the bastards around me have the week off as well and there already showing out. My next door neighbors kids don’t have shit to do but bang on walls all day when they aint running the streets. A day ago while was checking my mail, minding my own damn business. When one of the muhfuggas decided to talk shit to me. This lil punk ass yelling out to me “Get back in the house fatboy!” Dude was fatter than me and has a head as big as a watermelon sitting on top of someone’s car knowing he could dent that shit. I just stared at him with a glare that said “make me, bitch”. Eventually he continued to turn his big double bowling ball ass hear around to watch the game in the street cuz his 24 sandwich eating ass was too damn slow to participate. Anyway I spent most of the past couple of days fighting a cold. Aleve Cold & Sinus, Theraflu & O.J. were a big help in defeating it. I put off stuff like visiting peeps till it’s all over. I just got a stuffy runny nose, which im used to because of my allergies.

Anyway on a serious note, I recently posted all my temporary hardships in my life and hope and pray that they change soon. I realize im getting jealous and envious of others success because I feel my time is just as precious as theirs. I’ve always felt that positivity is played and id rather see, hear and feel results since that’s the kind of man I am. Because of my stress and depression I have pushed away some friends and they were only telling me the good things that have come their way. In truth? I’d rather not hear it. I don’t want to hear stuff like that till my time for all the good things life can bring comes around as well. Right now, even though it’s not meant that way to me it comes off as kicking sand in my face and laughing while I walk away. It feels like your better than me. I’m already a quiet person so I now will have to make my convo’s briefer than what people expect of me already.

Johnie Cochran & Batfink Creator Hal Seeger

Maybe I’m giving it too much thought or that im just too paranoid, But fuck it I feel I have to take a stand against something that I don’t like. Yesterday, while in class a classmate was preparing to do a little adlib for the camera. His improve was funny acting like a car salesman and throwing in things like “Bling-Bling” in a very uncool way. Then someone yelled out “Say FaShizzle mah nizzle!” and I instantly dropped my grin. The dude didn’t use it and I was appreciative of that. Instead he continued to do his uncool fashion and used “dizzuel”.

I feel if I’m near another person of my race that lets a white person use that phrase it’ll be too soon. We all know what it means. I could careless if it’s not indirectly saying it because to me, you might as well say nigga anyway. I don’t play that, personally and letting someone embrace something that I feel offended towards is something I can’t tolerate. I realize I can’t control what comes out of peoples mouths but I do have the power to walk away and end all ties with that person.

Im going to hell for laughing at this: Terri Schiavo's Blog