A Bitter View

My great Cousin stayed out here from Minnesota for a good 4 months and went to school here. He eventually went back due to not fitting in with the classmates here. He got tired of the kids tripping and bullying him constantly trying to make him fight. I can understand that. Chicago kids got a different mentality at least in my view. If I had a chance to move to somewhere different where I didnt have to put up with the shit I did I would go too.

I remember back in the day when I transferred to new school I always had to fight someone just to show how rough I could be in order for other kids to like me. I aint even gonna lie I lost every fight I was in and got clowned. That shit swelled up inside and I vowed not to fight again no matter what. So after 5th grade that’s what I did and I transferred into 2 schools in between my 6th and 8th grade. I kept my cool and I maintained a Incredible Hulk persona “ Just want to be left alone.” And didn’t bother anyone. There were a few bitch ass niggaz that wanted to test me and one almost did. Hell one smacked me in my mouth and yet I refused to lay a hand on him. Now that may sound like pussy shit because most people would say, “Why didn’t you hit him back?” Well, I felt torn. I was conflicted with what to do because of my parents and elders actions.

You get told from all angles that if you hit someone you’ll suffer consequences and I got sick of it. When I did get into trouble nobody believed me. Hell, my mother wouldn’t even fight for me because she became sick of me at times. I remember at 3rd grade a kid picked on me and we fought on the stairs I knocked his ass down the stairs. Other clowns in the neighbor hood were picking on me and I finally stood up for myself despite what the teachers and my parents told me. The first thing that went through my head was “My ma’s gonna be proud of me” But she wasn’t. I guess the kids moms threatened to sue and my moms whupped me for it. I was so confused, she wanted me to stand up for myself and gave me all this shit that if someone put their hands on me defend myself, but then this beating told me I shouldn’t. I was damned if I did or didn’t. Shit like that is how I grew up crazy.