That song By Linkin Park and Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five's "The Message" Comes to mind in making a soundtrack that related to my my life so far in '05.
Well Spring break is on and im glad about that. Ya’ll just don’t know how ecstatic I am. I have no real plans but gaining the piece of mind that I desperately needed. Unfortunately I realize the bastards around me have the week off as well and there already showing out. My next door neighbors kids don’t have shit to do but bang on walls all day when they aint running the streets. A day ago while was checking my mail, minding my own damn business. When one of the muhfuggas decided to talk shit to me. This lil punk ass yelling out to me “Get back in the house fatboy!” Dude was fatter than me and has a head as big as a watermelon sitting on top of someone’s car knowing he could dent that shit. I just stared at him with a glare that said “make me, bitch”. Eventually he continued to turn his big double bowling ball ass hear around to watch the game in the street cuz his 24 sandwich eating ass was too damn slow to participate. Anyway I spent most of the past couple of days fighting a cold. Aleve Cold & Sinus, Theraflu & O.J. were a big help in defeating it. I put off stuff like visiting peeps till it’s all over. I just got a stuffy runny nose, which im used to because of my allergies.
Anyway on a serious note, I recently posted all my temporary hardships in my life and hope and pray that they change soon. I realize im getting jealous and envious of others success because I feel my time is just as precious as theirs. I’ve always felt that positivity is played and id rather see, hear and feel results since that’s the kind of man I am. Because of my stress and depression I have pushed away some friends and they were only telling me the good things that have come their way. In truth? I’d rather not hear it. I don’t want to hear stuff like that till my time for all the good things life can bring comes around as well. Right now, even though it’s not meant that way to me it comes off as kicking sand in my face and laughing while I walk away. It feels like your better than me. I’m already a quiet person so I now will have to make my convo’s briefer than what people expect of me already.
Comments (1)
Funny you mention that dawg. The part about kicking sand in the face part that is. I was telling one of my buddies the hardships that my wife and I are going through having kids. This convo was through an e-mail by the way. He too is married and they had just had a girl several months prior. I'm surprised that it bothered me, because I've never been like that before. But every other sentence in his reply was like, "I love my daughter", "she's the best thing that ever happened to us," "I'd do anything for my girl", "she's the loveliest girl on the planet" and blah, blah, blah..
I don't know, but it really set me off. Don't get me wrong. Most parents usually go on and on about their kids. So I'm not holding that against him. I never replied back about it, and feel it would be tactless to do so, but right then in that e-mail, I felt as though he had been driving a stake in my back. I think unlike speaking the words, when you type them, you have a chance to correct, omit and even add before you hit that send button. At least I do. But he had nothing for a struggling brother.
No words of encouragement, no keep your head up, even if he said the ever so popular, if it's meant to be, it'll be would've sufficed. Nothing. And this buddy I'd know nearly 1/2 of my life. Maybe more even. I did write him back saying, I'm really happy for you and your wife dawg. Hopefully, God will keep blessing you with more and I kept it moving. I don't think he was wrong, I just think his approach was given my circumstances. But who knows why folks go on about their own situations and not look a little into others feelings man.
Posted by Frank | March 30, 2005 7:43 AM
Posted on March 30, 2005 07:43