A Bitter View

Dropping off my brother, I decided to stop by the nearby bargain bookstore and see what they have. as I moved through the mass of books that’s where I saw it on the entertainment table. "How to be a DJ" the book I paid 18 bucks for. They were selling it for 6.99! im disgusted with myself... >:(

The guy that offered to buy my domain for my asking price accepted the offer (yeah!!). In order to get the money, what he needs is an official appraisal with an e-certificate of authenticity not what I received from a free site (dammit!). A Official appraisal is gonna set me back $50 to 75 dollars a domain. I’m going to explain this within the book im writing about domain squatting but put the writing on hold to indirectly I guess to experience this particular phase of the industry. It's gonna take a little while before I can respond back to him once I get the money because I am unemployed right now. I wonder should I respond to him or wait till I can get one done...

This Sunday after a chillin at home having a fight with a uninvited gnat that wouldn’t leave me alone (bastard), I took the car for a ride around the hood. I like to drive, its the only real time I get a piece of mind. I've considered running a errand service just to get on the road. Anyway I hit bookstore to pick up a paper and look around. I was contemplating saying a little something to a female an aisle in front of me, but wasn’t feeling it after the last diss I received. Once I headed home I got angry when I saw one of the tenants son on the front porch. I keep my words at a minimum with him because the nigga is a fuckin thief. He's stole from his own mother numerous time and myself since everyone shares the same storage space in the building. The last thing I hear is that he stole his mother's car; he probably smoked that shit up since I don’t see it anymore. You'd think that after some shit like that his moms would kick him out her life till he got right. Her stupid old ass instantly took him back in and that bothers the fuck outta me. I know that my moms wouldn’t let me get away with shit like that, Then again would she? I don’t need to find out since I have better self respect for myself than to take other's peoples shit without permission, Especially what I can get myself in due time. I entered my apartment with a frown, glad to leave the site. I'm tempted to throw some hot grits on his punk ass, lord knows he deserves it. It pisses me off how muhfuggas got the mentality to take what’s not theirs without working for it thinking they deserve it.

God bless my intuition, I say that because the dude that wanted to buy my domain name turned out to be a scam. The email I received from this guy named "Mike Millar" offered to buy my domain I invested in if I got an appraisal from one of 3 domain appraisal sites recommended by his “expert officials” Lord knows I could use the money so with the help of brainstorming from a friend, I offered him to pay for the appraisal himself if he was really serious. Did I receive an answer? No, what I received was some game so before I put down 75 dollars I did a search. To my surprise a few other people received the same letter and the same referral to the 3 sites for appraisal. When those that weren’t scammed into doing it gave him the same proposal as I have, he turned it down as well. So after I read that annotation I felt a little down that I wasn’t going to receive the $900 for the domain but I inadvertently saved myself from being scammed. I immediately emailed him the link and let him know that if he’s legit then we can do business.

Wrigley Field
The Chicago Cubs haven’t been in a World Series in approximately 3,000 years. A meeting at their venerable ballpark will be fraught with loser-ness.

I'm a Native southsider that could give a fuck about baseball, but i had to say these little quips were funny!

The man's dead and the joke continues. Yeah, it was funny but it's time to move on.

Broad wanna tell me to holla at her online and when i asked her where her town was. she claims she didnt say she was from there. BITCH, IT WAS ON YOUR PROFILE! Your Dumb braindamaged ass must have someone else using your account. Let me dust my shoulder off...

Akademics ad: Read Books, Get Brain

For all the ignorant fuckas out there combat illiteracy pick up a book and ya just might get ya knob or slit slobbed on! LMAO

I dont know how I ended up there (heh) but next thing ya know im in a porno house lookin at videos, Mags and the toys (ugh!). On my way out after spending a good 20 minutes there a dude was talkin to the counterman claiming that "coochie is overrated". I minded my own busness in that place since theres a code of unspoken ethics in a porno house that no man knows but subliminally obeys but something inside wanted to scream out "Then why are you here?" LOL

Man, dudes, dont realize what they be sayin joe.

So when the media inadvertently implies that the NBA is too thugged out for them I turn away and pay it no mind since it doesn’t interest me, especially since I barely watch sports nowadays. The fight that happened did make me want to watch and see what the fuck went on. I wanted to see what made Artest snap like that. I didn’t see the Ben Wallace incident I could get that footage (but it will soon) but I can’t say that the throwing of the beer wasn’t in need of a chin check or even a bitch slap. Frankly I couldn’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing in his shoes, yet what people claim that self control has to be taken needs to cut the shit because evidently they have not had their manhood & dignity tested. Black folks go through that every day, in certain neighborhoods, most of time from our own just to see how rough & rowdy the other can be. It's all game. What comes to mind is when Ice-T was on Chris rock show talking about how brothas come from the hood/ghetto and once they receive the fame and money they try all their life to reach; the hood doesn’t totally leave them. A brotha will try his best to set a positive example but don't test him because he will knock the shit outta you. His penalty was a suspension of the whole season with no pay. personally I think this was absurd but then to show zero tolerance the need to make an example of the main perp was neccesary. I also considered that since brothas dont think when it comes to situations like this we're action personified (trust me, im using my best restraint not to say niggas instead) We dont consider how much we have to lose which was proven in artest's case. What ever he has now, hes about to lose due to the fan suing him while laughing his ass off telling all his co-workers the next day "I got decked by Ron artest! I'm gonna get PAID!" all im saying is as black men we need to know when to fight what we can win on all levels. We gotta THINK! Do I feel embarrased & ashamed? Not really. He's gotta helluva battle ahead of him though.

Today at my computer lab in the morning the custodians come in to tidy up the floors. Usually there is about 2-3 of them that come in and spread out in each room. This particular day there was only one.

Now everyone is sick of their job one day to the next. But when you complain loudly that everyone can hear you about busting your ass making it uncomfortable for everyone else? It's time to quit. This broad was carrying on a cell phone that I knew was NOT on! She was venting for the hell of it. Maybe it was animosity against the students, I have no idea but she carried on so much that the people of other races (Arabic, Asian and of course white) left the room possibly in fear. Those that stayed (mostly black) stared at her (me as well) with the intent on telling her to shut the fuck up! Eventually she did but still bitching aloud in front of stranger is some shit I’d never do. She'd caught a bad one with the wrong person and end up fired for that. I guess I was used to old bitter black women complaining (yes she was, sigh) she didn’t bother me but the tension of the others I felt and eventually if she continued I would have to tell her to cool out. But thanks to my moms about supporting the blacks in the workforce, half of me would've felt wrong for confronting her. I was torn.

Happy Turkey-day ya'll

Well I have to say this week was one of my worst weeks of the year. And the irony of it all is that this was technically my last week of the semester, a brother should be happy as hell that I completed my first semester of graduate school right? No! I’m so damn broke my pockets are saying ‘ouch’, school was pissing me off because reality hit me in the face that when I teach “support goes only so far till the teachers and principals send the kids back. What made up for my troubles today was a half day of teaching and then to cool out at a fellow teachers crib helping her out trying to fix her computer. They made me feel at home and that’s a compliment I’ve never used for anyone. It’s hard enough to come up with all the rent money at one time but at least I aint ducking and dodging my landlord/mother.

Reading and watching about the Pantera incident, didn’t come as much of a shock to me especially since as a black man, violence is something that I’ve slowly become numb towards. What pisses me off about the situation are the rock stations that play the race card saying that shooting should happen at a rap concert and not theirs. Hold the fuck up, since when has shootings been a black thing? That statement sickens me, y’know when I heard about this murder the first thing I thought was “Dude was crazy, joe” and it was simple as that. I didn’t add race at all. Aw well, I not a Pantera fan, but I hope the man who did it is having fun burning in hell as we speak.

It's so fucked up that I have one at my age but I have nobody to blame but myself. I keep my feeling inside drastically and this is the result. It hit me the hardest yesterday and didnt stop till I finally took myself ot a hospital. The pain was fucking unbearable I couldnt concentrate on anything else it was so bad. After 2 hours in the emergency room on a iv, I felt 90% better. I was percribed some heartburn medicine and a pamphlet about my condition. The pain in my stomach is gone I can sleep again and i'm happy about that but the ulcer will still linger around like a gift that keeps on giving. I have to change my eating habits starting today by taking a liquid fast; Plus, I have no insurance so my pocket is gonna hurt as well when I recieve the bill. Damn!

Well I havent posted like I should because of my Nic card died on me. I feel its a motherboard problem since anything new wont install or even register on my comp. Im gonna get my money together and buy parts to build my own, But in the meantime. I'll have to use my dusty old laptop. While im at it I gotta clear out the spamers on here as well..

Would you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

How come 7/11 stores got locks on their doors if there open 24/7?

What would you call 'tossin the salad' of a vegetarian?

why do they called the site Paypal when I aint pals wit none of these cats im payin?

Why does hawaii have an INTERstate highway?

Well I didnt get the Study hall gig like I figured. I didn't really give a fuck about it other than the benefits.

I've been hella uninspired all this week to write anything on either Blogs I own, not even my Q&A's

Ive spen all this week banning ip numbers of spammers (HANK3849 Eat a dick & shut the Fuck up.) and thanks to my damn hosting service I dare not install MT-blacklist. I definetly have to get my server moving in action by the end of next month.

My damn books for class havent come in yet. And here i'm thinking im getting a better deal paying 10 dollars for a book through ebay and waiting than buying the book new for 100 and having it now.

Even though its outdated, I love my Tivo, especially since I have Learned the 30 second skip trick!

R.I.P Johnny Carson & Dreamwave Productions

I've got a grudge to settle with a punk ass 8th grader who loves to diss me in front of an audience especially his boys, yet when he's alone he get shook & doesnt say shit. I made the shit personal when he did it in a hallway and regular teachers watched and did nothing.

[Lets go out for sushi or sumthin]!

My mother’s mad at me (what else is new) for not giving her a happy b-day.

I’ve only worked one day this week as well as last week. And bills are kicking my ass about now.

Most of my quick made foods are gone, thx to my brother and I feel too lethargic to cook something.

I really didn’t feel like working today, at all. But my manager needed me in the computer lab to troubleshoot the faulty computers. My mind & heart’s not into it today.

Why do I feel like everyone’s advancing in their lives to some extent while I’m still behind

Im submitting my resume like crazy to places all over the country, yet I feel it’s totally futile.

I’d love a drink about now to relax if I could afford it.

Does being stressed contain feeling tense, irritated and depressed at the same time? if so then I feel that way alot.

I drove to Skokie the other day to the Old Orchard Mall, just because I felt like driving & letting my Lyra play for a few hours. Once I got there I realized I came on the wrong day. For one thing parking was horrible as fuck. I love their Barnes & Nobles because so far it’s the biggest I’ve seen in the state. I couldn’t get a parking space near there at all. I ended up parking next to Lord & Taylor’s (most Southsiders neva heard bout that store.) and walked the rest of the way. I remember when I took my brother there one day in the summer he told me how hot the girls look but they were bougie to him. At the time I didn’t see it. But that day I did, and man was it ugly, could it have been towards me? I was one of the only black males in that area (I counted 3, and one worked there). I really want to blame the cold especially because of the lack of thank you’s I received trying to be a good samaritan and open the door for others and vice versa didn’t happen as well. I used to want to move there sometime in the next couple of years or sooner, this now deters me. I’ll get over it and assimilate myself among them to do the same.

The hood’s trying to take me under. But that’s what I get for accepting to live in a place where crime is the norm. These bastards out here are pushing me to the limit, and I fear if I push back bad shit might happen to me and mine. Last week the fucking kids of the block decided to have a snowball fight; with people’s houses. My screen door is now hanging off the hinges because of this. When the outside got warmer they decided to shoot dice again on my back porch. I decided to interrupt their playing and asked them nicely to find another spot. Only one said “iight” yet they didn’t move at all and continued playing. Calling the anonymous hotline didn’t work at all last summer, I mean these bastards are trespassing and even the damn police wont help. The last straw was when my brothers’ friend decided to come over for a few hours and play games. Outside we heard a window shatter and to our horror his window was shot out. That shit ain’t right at all. Where the fuck were the parents anyway. I’m kicking my search of permanent employment into full drive and getting the fuck out of this ghetto.

I'm one year older, ten times more determined, potna - Ras Kass

A complex is really fuckin with me at the moment now that im older; I’m noticing that my bosses are becoming a lot younger. I’m not gonna lie, envy is the culprit, what irks me is that dudes some more successful than I could ever be within their age and yet I should be the one giving them the orders and advice.

Girls in the 7th grade are claiming R. Kelly is their husband. Aint that a bitch?

This situation irks the hell outta me so like the wrestler Konnan would say “Let Me speak on dis” Listening to the radio today during lunch break a topic they were throwing around was about a 7 month pregnant woman. Her boyfriend just lost his job and is going through depression. She is just tired of him moping and wants to end the relationship.

What kind of childish shit is that? I can tell the broad is 2 things. 1. She’s under 25 and most definitely not 20 yet. 2. Since she’s pregnant she moody as hell.

Since a lot of these cluckers agreed that she should leave and no man stood up I decided to put my piece on here & get it off my system. Broads just don’t understand what a man goes through when he gets fired as the man of the household. It’s like getting raped: your manhood is damn near gone. The depression is natural, why? Because our job helps define us as sad as that seems. Especially when we make enough money to take care of our own. Then we lose our job and go into our ruts we think the worst. Ladies, ya’ll can’t be serious that you expect us to go flip burgers after we were just making 3 times the amount of minimum wage to go back to that shit? Even if we have to go back to that mess, you know as well as I do Mickey Dees won’t support a family and barely support one person on min wage on 2 jobs. Once we have them the first things that going to come out of your mouth? “Go get a real job!” We cant win in your eyes. We don’t need ya’ll bitching, what we need from ya’ll is support. Nuff said.

That song By Linkin Park and Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five's "The Message" Comes to mind in making a soundtrack that related to my my life so far in '05.

Well Spring break is on and im glad about that. Ya’ll just don’t know how ecstatic I am. I have no real plans but gaining the piece of mind that I desperately needed. Unfortunately I realize the bastards around me have the week off as well and there already showing out. My next door neighbors kids don’t have shit to do but bang on walls all day when they aint running the streets. A day ago while was checking my mail, minding my own damn business. When one of the muhfuggas decided to talk shit to me. This lil punk ass yelling out to me “Get back in the house fatboy!” Dude was fatter than me and has a head as big as a watermelon sitting on top of someone’s car knowing he could dent that shit. I just stared at him with a glare that said “make me, bitch”. Eventually he continued to turn his big double bowling ball ass hear around to watch the game in the street cuz his 24 sandwich eating ass was too damn slow to participate. Anyway I spent most of the past couple of days fighting a cold. Aleve Cold & Sinus, Theraflu & O.J. were a big help in defeating it. I put off stuff like visiting peeps till it’s all over. I just got a stuffy runny nose, which im used to because of my allergies.

Anyway on a serious note, I recently posted all my temporary hardships in my life and hope and pray that they change soon. I realize im getting jealous and envious of others success because I feel my time is just as precious as theirs. I’ve always felt that positivity is played and id rather see, hear and feel results since that’s the kind of man I am. Because of my stress and depression I have pushed away some friends and they were only telling me the good things that have come their way. In truth? I’d rather not hear it. I don’t want to hear stuff like that till my time for all the good things life can bring comes around as well. Right now, even though it’s not meant that way to me it comes off as kicking sand in my face and laughing while I walk away. It feels like your better than me. I’m already a quiet person so I now will have to make my convo’s briefer than what people expect of me already.

Maybe I’m giving it too much thought or that im just too paranoid, But fuck it I feel I have to take a stand against something that I don’t like. Yesterday, while in class a classmate was preparing to do a little adlib for the camera. His improve was funny acting like a car salesman and throwing in things like “Bling-Bling” in a very uncool way. Then someone yelled out “Say FaShizzle mah nizzle!” and I instantly dropped my grin. The dude didn’t use it and I was appreciative of that. Instead he continued to do his uncool fashion and used “dizzuel”.

I feel if I’m near another person of my race that lets a white person use that phrase it’ll be too soon. We all know what it means. I could careless if it’s not indirectly saying it because to me, you might as well say nigga anyway. I don’t play that, personally and letting someone embrace something that I feel offended towards is something I can’t tolerate. I realize I can’t control what comes out of peoples mouths but I do have the power to walk away and end all ties with that person.

That’s what my bro says every time he sees the Axe body spray commercials where the broads tackle and impose themselves upon the user. I keep telling him that it doesn’t work only if you believe it does. The fact that he repeats it shows how desperate he is to get that way. Aw well I was never good in that territory so I can’t tell him shit.

I’m putting this game up on blast because this is the closest im going to get to having actual Rims of any size. Y’see me and rims have this Love hate relationship. I love how they shine and look cool but I absolutely hate the affect they have on people, how much they cost and what my people’ll do to get them or be next to them or riding in a car with them.

My manager at the computer lab told me once he got 20” rims put on his car he was approached by hoes everyday. I told him good you know what their after so use them as such. Personally, im all about the 4 commandments if a broad ever tried to get with me for material goods.

Shut up. Get in. SUCK. Get out!

Personally I feel that’s all their worth. My friend K, got rims put in her car by her Ex (Sorry girl but I had to prove a point.) She was the 2nd lady I knew that the men in their life put rims on their car. Now that’s love to spend 2 G’s of your hard earned money to put on someone else’s car to rock. I couldn’t see myself doing that, not even to my own family as evil as that sounds. Anyway she tells me how men try to talk to her since she got them. It’s the damn Ghetto fabulous status that ticks me off. To tell you the truth most of the car’s I see don’t even deserve them because they look more expensive than the fugging car. There’s a few places near me that gives you the option of layaway and monthly payment financing, that shit is nuts to me.

Christopher Priest Hit it right on the head with this Statement:

"Memo to people who buy BIG GIANT SHINY RIMS—the kind that KEEP SPINNING after you stop—for your huge, gas-guzzling SUV’s: YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT"

The other day I saw a 2005 escalade on 26”. I was more scared that shit was gonna spin out of control than I was impressed he had the money to ruin his ride. Another factor I hate is when dude buy new expensive cars and put rims on them. I personally feel the Bentleys’ speak for themselves while adding rims is overkill. I wouldn’t dare rock any in my neighborhood anyway since there are too many thieves about just waiting to eventually jack them. In conclusion, If you got money to burn and a lot of people feel they do, feel free and rock you some. I’ll wait till their under 500 bucks thats the only time i'll consider copping them. If i get them, best believe I didnt buy them myself.

My moms asked me if I want to see my baby brother's new apartment in Tinley Park with his New girlfriend. After hearing what he said about my place saying it smells, I told her i'm not gonna do it. He doesnt stay at my place but for one minute then leaves. Call me a hater, jealous whatever. I could care less. Respect my shit the way I would respect yours. Nobody makes you more pissed than your own family, but theyre gonna find out how real I am when i'm gone.

Its like a Cow's ass just appeared in my face and started shitting. Not only am I trying to shake off & avoid my cousin from trying to shack up with me (after not talking to me in years? Hellz no!). My moms and bro still complaining about my place. All my female friends are going through their period (where they have to get a man in their life for the summer). Grade school is over (tank gott) and my only source of income for 3 months will be my compluter lab job. The lack of job finding and bill collectors on top of other BS situation can really tax a brotha. While i get off my laurel and find solutions i've found a personal temporary piece maker.

~ To alchohol the cause & solution to All of life's problems. - Homer J. Simpson.

If it wasnt for my can of Sparks every night id go more nuts than I already am. There was never a need to be a lush the time is now.

~ I aint a alchoholic, I'm a Drunk. Alchoholics gotta go to them Cotdamn meetings! - Robin Harris

My all famous line when I tell folks that I drink more to cope. Its still in moderation and I hit the hay after im finished.

I told some of my lady friends that ive been giving broads my number to show them i have interest. They asked me if i got a call from any of them. Of course i havent and i realize i never will since bitched think a dude is supposed to fall over trying to get with them and now recipocate because of their fucked up insecurities. I'm gonna have to go into alpha male mode. Bitches like that shit. Ya wonder why they call ya bitch.

Week went to pot already and its a Wednsday. I got pulled over 2 times by 5-0 each time i was running a errand for someone else! Why did that shit have to happen then? I swear if I was pulled over one more time I was gonna snap like ol boy on Crash did. Man, Fuck the police. Thats real, they never helped me when I needed them in the first place.

Change or die alone. Thats what it's come down to I see. I hate it. I feel fake as fuck if I do. But to get the prize ya gotta play the game. There's a question that i cant escape nowmatter what i do and it fustrates me. Every lady that was interested in my one way or another has asked me this: "Why dont you ask any questions about me?" for some reason when i dont ask to them its a sign i'm not interested in them and that FAR from the fucking truth. I like to call myself an action personified person. I'd rather do than say. We all know the saying that goes with that. I already know the essencials from you because ive already asked. I dont want just sex from you if at all. If i did that would be the main array of constant questions i'd ask. I feel what I need to know is gonna come out in person when your with me and vice versa. I want you to meet me not My representative or me fuel injected by my publicity agent. Why can't I be myself Is what i'd like to ask.

This is dedicated to the niggas that was begging from day one...

Fools wanting handouts.
I’m broke as a Joke, nigga
Man, Fuck you pay me

Welcome to capitalism.

Iight, so I was 3 days late when I found out the offer, but if I had a shot at getting it I was on it. Office depot was having a deal on LCD monitor under $150 but the shit was scarce. The shit was so scarce that I swear today I believe I found the only place in my area to hand one left and the managers turned me away saying it was stolen. I knew that was a lie, he couldn’t look me in my eyes when he said it. This fucker wanted the deal for himself. Since I wasn’t up on my game to get it out of him I turned away and headed home. The bastards can have it; knowing the dudes are going to try to sell it for a bigger profit on Flea-bay anyway.

A lady is suing the city after stumbling onto 2G's while visiting my city, she decides to "return" it to the police and what she was told was after 30 days the unclaimed money was hers. Instead the Police dept reneged after the 30 days and told her the money now belongs to the city of Chicago.

I guess when she asked why didnt you tell her in the first place they told her then you would've given us the money.

Thanks to viewing Penn & Teller's Bullshit on Showtime. I review things now that are too good to be true. For instance, anyone who has already received the emails to boycott gas stations on Labor Day. Now it sounds good. Too good if you ask me but it was a chain letter and I HATE chain letters with a passion. If anyone sends me one, it goes straight into the trash. I now have over 50 year’s bad luck, 10 years of no sex and other shit that I ignore because I haven’t forwarded them. I gotta laugh at those. A simple text of crap is not gonna determine how my love life is going to be in the next five years any more than I need the so called penis enlargement supplements. Getting back to ths subject at hand, i recommend anyone who's interested to read this article: Gasout and decide for yourself if only one day will make a company change prices. Hell, right now I envy the stock holders that own the companies that distribute it from the gulf. The more it goes up the more they get PAID!

The disaster that is Hurricane Katrina had basically destroyed the south. My heart & prayers goes out to all those who suffered in the catastreophe. A big FUCK YOU goes out to the associated press & writers who DARE post pictures of blacks looting and then show white people doing the same shit yet say they "searched for food". Don't belive me? Peep these articles & judge for yourself!

Looting Takes Place in View of La. Police
KAtrina's Effects at a glance

For the past week ive been at war with an unexpected uninvited guest. I found out my place is inhabited by a mouse/rat what ever it is. I almost stepped on it when my foot touched something soft, furry and squirming. I’ve set up 3 kinds of traps from what ive observed, this is a smart little bastard.

My first setup was a glue trap. The kind that smells like peanut butter and once inside they can’t escape. I set one up where the droppings were, behind my stove and behind my trash can. This little shit fought its way through the trap and went to the toilet on it. I guess that was its way of showing me, he’s been there.

My 2nd method was the poison pouches. The kind that the fucker will eat through and eventually die from. Well, that doesn’t work either. He passes up the bags not even a nibble. Hmph it’s like the fucker’s laughing at me.

My last resort was straight out murking him, Ol’ School. That’s right, I copped the good ol' wire traps and got them set up I put one on the stove and one behind the trash. I know I should’ve put it next to the wall but I placed it an inch away. I should’ve copped the name brand version but I copped the dollar store version and he GOT AWAY WITH THE BAIT! Its funny I had to cop the dollar brand because the regular name brand at Home Depot and Menards were sold out. Today I gotta head out elsewhere and nip this in the bud.

A big fuck you very much goes to the crystal meth creators who caused Pseudophedrive laws all over the nation and fucked it up for people who truly needed it like myself. I cant cop it in Indiana without signing my life away at the pharmacist or having to get a replica card in order to purchase one in my own state. Since The government cant control it they try to stop it. good going.

Another temp agency called me today to let me know that I was overqualified for their firm. thanked her for the call though.

My phone interview didnt fly as well. I got my rejection letter. I hate Phone interviews.

I finally got my judgement on a ticket that I tried to fight and the so called officer was there. A word to the wise about fighting tickets: if the officer is there make sure you get a good look of his face and name before you drive off. I knew the cop wasnt the one who pulled me over but i couldnt prove it. Guess i gotta go pay my guilty fine.

The past 2 days i've been battling a Spy/malware virus through My firefox browser. The sudden popups havent shown themselves so I believe the coast is clear now. If i've learned anything is unfortunatly you cannot depend on just one program for spyware & viruses. Ive added more helper progs to keep them off.

My car lost juice In it to run i had it towed to pep boys where I needed a Flasher for my turn signal lights and a new battery. Now the bill is high mainly because they had to inspect the reason my lights didnt work. My moms offered to help before i could even ask her. The car set me back a bit i was supposed to finish up my finger printing at the police dept to sub at another district as well as get my results of my TB test. Money is too damn tight now to be choosy. I'm hitting another district while I handle the one im dealing with now.

Sittin here Bored at the job, reading the dating articles on MSN, coz I need lots of help :). I was peeping their entry on the 5 types of women to date. Now I reviewing it with a friend she claims she’s all in one because she’s been in most of those roles except one. I figured she would go there and as I read the types of women it shows how inexperienced I am. I really don’t have anybody to blame but me but at the same time it’s like the women I come across have the problem and not me. Sheeit, don’t get me wrong I have problems I’m self conscious of like any other person. Realizing I’m a single black male with a good job live away from my parents w/ no kids and my own place why am I having trouble? But to find the reason within me as to why im so unlucky is hard to pinpoint. Let me get right to the list of ladies and my experiences with all of them in a direct or indirect way.

Type #1: The Older Woman
I’ve tried to date a few older women especially when I was younger than I am and when it came down to was 2 reasons. I was unattracted to them or just flat out intimidated by them. Y’see currently there’s a female 6 years older than me and the main element that intimidated me when I was 23 is now menial at 30. The older women I meet that are into me have no problem telling me how horny they are. Hell, I was 22 when I officially lost the big “V” and because of the experience did to my ego; I was ready to become a monk and do away with sex altogether but that was the loser route in my view and when talking to these women it just came down to not being ready to give what these ladies wanted. The pipe wasn’t ready to lay so to speak. Then there’s the fact that they may be divorced w/ kids with something else altogether. The current lady im not feeling physically, but her sweetness is making me weak and she proved that when we were at the theatre and I got the chills and she snuggled on me to warm me. I wasnt expecting that.

Type #2: The Guy’s Girl
I feel this is the female who likes what I like, yet I have yet to find her while most of my boys are quick to get them somehow and marry them. I can’t call it. The closest chance I had to having one I blew it because I didn’t realize the hints she was giving me. I usually end up with the opposite the “girly girl” who without fail love to rip on me when I’m not around about our date. I’ve learned to avoid any broad who claims their one.

Type #3: The Free Spirit
Again another type of woman that eludes me because their quick to give hints and I just don’t get them till years later. For me to find a lady like this would go hand in hand with the so called “Guys’ girl” and someone who knows my view of being open-minded without having to explain.

Type #4: The Brainy Chick
Well I would love a brainy chick, someone to help me learn something different but at the same time won’t take on the persona that she’s better than me or try to control/shape me to fit her. If she feel’s she has to “dumb herself down to my level” then take your Einstein ass and find someone who has a better I.Q. That’s a particular problem I have when it come to those kinds of broads.

Type #5: The Seductress
HA! Gotta laugh at this one. Now in my case I’ve never been that lucky to have a lady want to be sexy for me. The majority of this type I’ve seen I classify as straight out hoes & bitches. Naw, just bitches coz they fucked everyone around them but me. LOL

Yeah, that pretty much summed up my experiences with those personalites in a nutshell, although they may sound bitter because i shouldnt roll baggage over when that person finally comes along. I'm working on that.

I found the crack of the Internet and it is myspace.com. That shit is addictive. This past week I've been linking up with as many rappers as I could find on the site. I will eventually have to get off of it. And take some responsibility for the things I'd need to do. Tomorrow I'm heading to the school district and asked them to put me on the active list again. I've also field for unemployment and I will get a letter next week. If I will be able to get anything remains to be seen but let's pray that I do. In the mean time I got an Interview next week nearby. The Interview I got this week went well. I just hope something comes out of it.

Out of frustration, I decided to take a trip to Naperville. I stepped in comp USA, and I started to buy an itunes prepay card. After spending a good 40 minutes in the store and being bothered by the three workers who I suspected were watching me, I put the card back. As I went for the exit 1 of the workers stopped me. He asked me where I put the card. I felt I should have been offended, I mean at the time I was the only black male in the store. Why were they treating different than the other customers? Realizing where I was I decided to keep cool and I tell them. As a matter of fact I was ready to empty my pockets right in front of him to prove I didn't steal shit. The nerve of dude. Living in one of the most segregated cities in America, I should be used in this. But deep inside I still feel hurt when crap like that happens. Maybe it was just imagining and took things the wrong way.

I decided since I was trying to be serious with her, knowing each other for 4 years and getting serious. I felt it was time to let my momma know the person who I want to be with. I knew going in it would be a bad idea. She’s not internet savvy and only goes by what she knows on the news and Investigative reports. But deep inside I felt she should know about her since im really considering moving out there, a jump to another state is a something unknown and yet exciting. I wanna rep the Chi Till I die, but if I can be better and grow elsewhere then I’m all for it. I may be unemployed right now but I feel as content like never before. I have nothing to loose and so much to gain and I wanted to share it with the first and always most important woman in my life.

BIG. MISTAKE.

Of course she blew her head up when I told moms about her. She instantly claims that I’m gonna die if I go out there being with “somebody that I’ve never met in person” To her the net means no more than going to prison and having a pen pal. It frustrated me that she kept saying that to me but I held my ground and told her im going regardless. She thinks whatever I got wating on me there I could get here. she asked me if I was so desperate that I had to find someone in another state. I got offended and I asked her why couldn’t she be happy for me and her answer was that I was making a foolish choice. Whatever. Everyone I’ve told has gave me support and assured me to go where my heart directs me while she believes their laughing behind my back calling me crazy. My mother on the other hand wouldn’t consider it unless I had a job here that’ll relocate me. I told her that wasn’t happening. And yet through all of this, she wouldn’t admit the true reason she wouldn’t want me to go. She feels she’ll lose me. I already know the deal, I could tell when she would say “They gonna kill my boy” She’s silly like that. But regardless I’m gonna do it and see what another state can offer me in this N.U.B. Plus, it isn’t like I can’t return if it doesn’t work out with both. One thing’s for sure though: I. Am. Going.

Here's some more real shit I wrote.

No more Mr Nice Guy.

Y’see all my life I have been called a punk, a chump, an all out pussy. Bullies used to hit me constantly because I wouldn’t hit back. People used to call me all kinds of names because I wouldn’t say anything back. All my life I’ve let people run over me for the sake of avoiding conflict. I did this for 2 reasons. The first being that I couldn’t fight, I realized this years ago. I wasn’t a fighter. I needed another edge and I never found it. The second, being that I was always the example when I did speak up for myself. I was the one reprimanded, fired, or whatever.

I’ve been told time and time again I have to find a middle ground. Well I don’t believe in a middle ground. I feel you gotta go all out or don’t go at all. I feel there is no good way to get your point across that you won’t put up with shit without taking extreme action for it. I know that doing this backfires for me 90% of the time. I am so sick of losing.

This side of me has also shown in teaching. I’m so tired of the old ass staff claiming that I’m “scared of the big kids.” I feel that I lost a permanent job because of their view. I’m a fucking sub, when I step into the classroom the odds are against me. It’s frustrating. I’m too much of a gentle giant and its killing me inside.

Today because of my brother, my gf wasn’t able to reach me and she became angry. At first I felt she shouldn’t be but now I feel she had every right to be. She was calling long distance. I told him when she calls let me talk to her. He refused and because of that she called me passive. I’ll be damned if my own woman calls me a bitch. I felt a knot in my chest & stomach. The feeling and the past experiences caused me to break down in tears. I never claimed to be a soldier, never was a thug. I realized in this city I can’t be Gandhi and ultimately Being Idi Amin would get me killed. A more assertive personality change is in order. I had to put my foot down more and it began today. Now my brother thinks i'm gonna kill him. good. I WILL fuck him up and anybody else that pisses me off from now on. I'm going to war. F.T.W. I’m tired of taking bullshit.

Its been 2 days now and i'm still depressed about Ms. Loony in denver. Madvillain's Fancy Clown, Ne-Yo's So Sick & Sean Price's Heart Burn are in my music heavy rotation right now so I guess I got it bad ya'll. I took myself to the store and all I copped was alchohol and Junk food. Now that my moms know she's filling my brothers head that I'm jealous of him now. Why? I don't know. What The Fuck Ever...

When your web server let you know months in advance that there moving your space? back up you blogs everyday.
In the move I lost 5 posts and some comments for this month. Some im glad are gone though.

Since ive been out of work. If it wasn’t for my family I would've been Homeless by now. I have no fucking calls for employment or interviews. Not even temp agencies. I feel blacklisted by the schools. I'm in total loser mode so I reject all calls towards me. Unless you’re from a company looking to hire me instantly don’t even bother. My moms asking me if I feel suicidal, I can’t say I am but last night there was a shoot out on my block, I felt I should’ve got into the crossfire. It seems like every woman has an idea of what a man should do. Ya'll have no clue. I'm not gonna get into anymore but I'm gonna apply to family dollar and fast food to bring in some dough, its all I got left.

Dudes must think im totally computer illiterate. This fool calls me today caliming I owe. this is how he Fugged up.

Them: Im with (name aint important) calling on behalf of Glowback.com, I'm calling to collect the sum of 180 dollars that you owe. We want to work with you to prevent adding to your credit report.

Me: Waitaminute, whats the company again?

Them: Glowback.com

Me: I never heard of them. I never did business with them either.

Them: Well it says here you have a domain of irs.com

Me: Could you repeat that again for me what was the domain?

Them: The email is irs.com

Me: And it belongs to who? wanna send it to me in writing?

*click*

I had to laugh at that one. He thought I was stupid enough to give my info out? I wonder has that worked for him?

When the weather gets warmer dudes lose their minds.

The gate has held up pretty well. The niggas dont come to hang out anymore. even though they dont the block is still hot. The fools are still slangin in front of houses, most of them are high school students. Knuckleheads, i know this becasuse the streets is quiet before 2PM everyday minus weekends. The party usually doesnt end till after midnight. If there's a school night. The police are idiots and unless there's a homicide theres no way there coming on time if at all. I've tried to keep my cool and mind my own business but lately i noticed something that conflicts with my view.

the block has 2 buildings that have been unatended for a year. One was taken down because of drugs. When the gates went up the dude migrated over there; slanging and shootin dice. They never went inside of the homes till today. They broke down the door and created a new drug haven. It's hard to avoid when its facing you ont he other side of the block. I want to call it in. I feel i might get retaliated on the anonymous line isnt work shit. I dont want to see the block get any worse. Dudes need to be put on blast but I need to protect mine as well although it helps me get focused to move away.

Lord knows I didn’t want to do it but I needed cash like now. I went to a Pawn Shop to sell my PS2. I was hoping to get at least 40 bucks for it. I know how places like these do. Sell it to ya at the lowest possible way then resell triple the amount they gave you. Places like Fuckyouland (funco) and Gamestop do the same ish. Anyway after presenting the system he hooks it up to a nearby TV and gets a game and starts to play, for 10 fucking minutes! Eventually I got frustrated and asked him "Do you gotta beat the game to prove it works?" He then punched it up on his monitor and gave me worth. 30 dollars. Ten bucks less of what I was hoping for. I reluctantly took it and used half of it for gas.

Dudes considering this day worse than Friday the 13th. Man, its just. A. Day. When you start believing in hokey mess it'll start happening. the only time I got shook today was noticing all the cops around looking for drivers to fill their quota for tickets. I'm riding hella dirty (no drugs or alchohol though) so i'm praying i dont get caught till i can afford my stickers and unpaid tickets. On top of that, My ride's check engine light came on, I need to come up with funds to handle that as well.

Answer yes or no to the following symptoms.

* Do you tend to complain about what your people are doing yet you sit on your ass and do the same?

* Do you feel that your superior to other of your race because you say and do all these things?

If you've said yes to any and all of these then you may have Uncle Ruckus Syndrome. The full blown disease causes you to do all of this constantly and repetively. You can screen for the disease by talking to the person about the way they act. If they end the conversation abruptly, yet not offended then odds are they're infected. Right now there is no cure other than humility treatment. This treatment is verbal can be given anywhere. The person needs to know that he/she is no better than anyone else and without initiative their life will never improve. Remember: procrastination and possible self-loathing is the key symptoms to this disease.

Busta must've been High or drunk or may be both. Flipmode eyewitness news. An idiot couple crashed their ferrari into Scott Storch's Bushes.

Problem #1,2,3

Good: Wizard world was this pastweekend.
Bad: I couldn’t go
Fucked up: My car died on me. Needed a alternator and new brakes. I owe Giordanno's $20
next time I order a pizza for the one I couldnt pick up.

Problem #3,4,5

Good: I connected with a street mechanic and he hooked me up for dirt cheap. I just brought the parts
Bad: I couldn’t afford it so I had to ask family for financial help
Fucked up: The car died on me, AGAIN! Transmisson's shot 20 miles away from home which I walked.

Problem #5,6,7

Good: met another street mechanic that can repair what the last one couldn’t for cheap!
Bad: Still had no money so I had to borrow from family again to tow and pay.
Fucked up: I’m without a car for a few days. 5-0 gave me a ticket for leaving it.

Moral to the story: I need a real fucking job. no minimum wage BS either, something over 400 a week so I can pay people off. 99 problems but a broad aint one. HA!

School put me on Acaemic suspension because after getting 2 B's which is about C level to be a graduate student my GPA was STILL UNDER FUCKING 5 POINTS. NMy best wasnt good enough. ow im jobless again. I hate this world and what you gotta do to survive in it. I'm going into F.T.W. mode from now on. I gotta become what society expects of me.

Man, why do I have so much bad luck?

I stopped praying, I just give thanks for what I have and keep it moving.

Why do so many dudes have better luck at e-mackin than me?

I'm tired of seeing all my "friends" on myspace with women comments and all I got on mine are rappers promotin their shit.

Am I that introverted, hermit & anti-social?

I need to improve my social skills.

The job interview went well (I think), now I have to see if i get a 2nd interview.

The damn school kicked me out of registration AGAIN! This time because my financial aid wasnt fast enough.

I cant afford NOT to go to school.

My moms claiming my workin at the lab isnt worth going to if i cant barely afford to pay for anything. I told her alittle is better for nothing. I appreciate everything she's doing for me. I'd be homeless without her.

She repaired my car for the umpteenth time. Im paying her back by doing her lawn.

I feel i'm riding so dirty im shared shitless to drive my car. soon as i'm pulled over im arrested.

The dollar store will become very aquainted with me.

I gotta stretch out 60 bucks for 2 weeks.

Why is it that dudes give me attitude when I ask for their monthly fee to keep their site hosted with me?

Sheeeit, all ya'll making more than me combined, and they think they're struggling?

Man, im getting tired of constantly deleting spam off this here blog. I think i'll switch to Wordpress...

I sit down on my bed to watch some tv/
(machine gun fire) do my ears decieve me/
Nope, thats the fourth time this week/
another fast brother shot dead in the street...

Today, I was enjoying my TiVoed episode of Studio 60 (tight series so far by the way) when I heard 5 loud bangs outside my door. I know it’s a weekday so the kids (who didn’t drop out) were at school. It was then I knew what I heard wasn’t firecrackers. What assured me was a voice yelling “I’m calling a ambulance!” Yeah the dumb ass drop out drug dealers made the block hot again by putting some hot ones in somebody.

The ambulance came within about 10 minutes afterward (I was impressed) and the police shut the whole block down for over 5 hours checking anyone who even put one foot on the corners. Once 5-0 left I headed to work. Once I came back the giant camera/bright lamp post had been added to the block. This initially declares a block they will have their eye on for up to 7 days at the most. The fools will lay low till they remove the post and continue their hustling.

Looks like I got my own personal version of the wire at home. Just another reason I need a job to get up outta here.

I can get it outta my mind so i guess if i share it, i'll forget it.

Last week walking downtown for a interview, in my shirt w/ Tie & slacks; I bought some Cheetos after it was over and munched my way back to the train station. I finished the bag and was gonna throw it away at the nearest trash can on the corner.

In a pack of 4 or 5 there were some kids with one adult speaking in what sound like german or swedish language. The adult was in front of the can so i excused myself and tossed the bag in. Soon as I did that the kids jumped back when they saw me and raised their voice in eerily unison.

"Hobo! Hobo!"

I looked at them Eric Cartman looking bastards with a evil eye and contunued my strut. One did say In english as I walked away. "He's no hobo, he's dressed for business."

Hmmn, My skin color instantly equals homelessness? Oh Hell 2 tha Naw!