A Bitter View

11 years my Cashmere (I prefer Metallic Brown) Hyundai accent was within my possession.
I went through some bad and good times I must say.
My mother got it for me and I took over the payment for it despite not asking for it. I used it to go out on many dates and got dissed by every female in that thing. the majority called it a "pink thang" when the street lights shined on it.

My mother called me to let me know it was being taken away and since I have a new used car there’s no need for it to be around anymore, especially since its over 180,000 miles with no brakes, a broken left turn light and expired stickers that I got constant tickets for. Seeing it go made me realize I too little pictures of it when it was in my presence.

I told my mother that we should've sold it for parts. She told me that she was waiting on me to do it. This irked me because I didn't want to act on it till I got approval from her; but then again there was too much on my mind to remember to bring it up in her presence.

We, no, I could've made a nice $500 selling it for parts; plus I got offers from neighbors in the hood.

Aw well, R.I.P Buggy...

Well things are looking good for me right now. I got a job interview. and im going to begin school for my masters in a month.

But there are catches ive noticed...

1. The interview is a hour away from me by car. that’s a terrible commute.

2. It doesn’t look like im going to receive financial aid for school.

I'm not gonna worry yet, im gonna stay a cool collected head about it and continue with my plans.

I was trying to hook up my cuz with a web domain account so he and his entourage can get email with the domain he purchased. Just our luck he didn’t memorize the info to login to godaddy so we could switch the nameservers. So after I did the forgot password he gave me his access to his email where I checked to see if the information was sent. As I was there curiosity was peaking so I looked through one of his emails of his ladys' and saw she had a blog. I clicked the link and peeped it out. It's nice but it hit me, it wasn’t my business to view this. This was a personal thing between My cousin and his lady. The majority of the posts (that I read) were directed at him. I closed the browser window. I shouldn’t look at this without their permission...Sorry Cuz. :(

It's one o'clock and I haven’t eaten since I got up at 9:00am. I decided to grab a green apple from the fridge. Lo' and behold the core was completely rotten. I usually would’ve thrown the whole thing away but fuggit a negro was hungry so I took a butter knife and cut around the core of the apple and ate the rest. My brother looked at me cutting and told me he would've thrown it away himself. Lazy azz.

So far all this summer i've had to deal with flies in my apartment and it really had me thinking where are they coming from. My only answer was from the back door that we keep open during the day to let some air in. Today as I was dumping out a bucket of water from a leak in the ceiling (another thing that gets on my nerves which is being taken care of soon.) and staring at the back screen door I caught 5 flies trying to escape after they crawled through the cracks to get in. Now that I see my assumptions were correct, I grabbed my can of raid and drowned the fuckers to their death. I then closed and locked the door. I guess i'll have to run my a/c more now.

I ran a Gemtriculator to see how evil my site is:

And i'm just getting started... :twisted:

Today I got my thing in action and went on a job hunting spree. Money’s real tight about now so I gotta make moves before I get shit cut off. I applied at 2 Family dollar stores near by my home. When I took my brother to K-mart I signed a application there. I also got a map to find a place near the school that im going to start for my masters to sign an app there as well. They sat me down and gave me some simple math solving problems to test me. I didn’t believe it was true till I studied the test that to run most businesses all you need to really know is basic 5th grade math. But through all the applications I switched up a bit and refused to put my degree so that I wont be labeled “overqualified”

My last stop of the day was a Ultra Foods Supermarket. I waited in line to give my finished app to the cute darkskinned lady at the customer service. I should’ve tried to holla she had some sexy eyes and lips. :D As I was leaving I saw one of the kids I taught as a substitute teacher, He looked up and gave me a head nod and said “Whuts up” I returned the acknowledgement leaving the store. I realize if I don’t find employment anytime soon then I will be seeing him again for the next school year as a sub. Becoming a Substitute teacher gave me new respect for the real teachers. When I came home I got a message from another School district for possible employment. I’ll see where this leads.

A new week has gone by and after juggling the bills I could. I still have enough left over to get a hair cut for a job interview with my bank. Now I feel that since school is starting soon I should wait for then but then I remember that I have overdue bills I need to handle. Since the interview is in the evening I’ll get my cut then. My goal is to grow my hair out to try to get dreads although I have no idea where to get them besides one place and I know my hair is thinning in the front which makes me want to hold onto it more. I always wanted to try them to see how I would look and I hope to eventually.

While I hold myself hostage in my home putting up with my roommate/brother’s mouth I sit and do things to keep myself occupied while not coming down with cabin fever. I’d think by now I would be napping everyday but im not and that’s a good thing. Then again maybe I should and muster up the strength im going to need when school starts. I got my hustle on and caught some flicks as well. I can safely say im doing moderately decent with my time and even though I had funds I am having some fun. :) Im having fun like creating a new mix for the heads that visit like my latest 60 minute House Music mix. I added a little of the old but mostly the new soulful deep house shit. Yeah its another creation im proud of and I hope someone likes what im bringing.

While the cash gets shorter the creativity gets greater. Its funny how your brain works when your out of money to make things happen. I already thought of 2 schemes to make a little doe and I have yet to think of playing stick up kid. I was preparing for my interview from my bank and realized I had no cash left for a decent hair cut. What’s a brother to do? Improvise! I broke out my clippers, my Electric razor and my new found love the micro touch and got to work on making a homemade lining to look somewhat presentable. I then went into a ‘black’ beauty shop to pick up a newer comb. I put emphasis on black because it was run by asians possibly koreans as far as I know. As I searched for a comb I went to the men hair care isle and looked through the S-curl items. There were 2 ladies there attending the store. One behind the counter, she was cool and polite. The other was whom I assumed her mother who decided to keep an eye on me through every isle while talking to her daughter. This made me uneasy and soon as I noticed she did this decided to leave immediately paying for the new comb. It’s time like that I wish I knew the language and try to talk to them and show them im good people on their level. I arrived at the destination 15 minutes early and for 10 I chilled in the ride bumped my music and got into character. Once I got in and introduced myself I was so damn conscious of my hair although I couldn’t do a thing about it; Deep down inside I wish she would reject me, I felt I deserved that. The Interview went smooth and when given the opportunity to think about joining I quickly hesitated. I don’t consider myself a people person let alone doing sales. Applying for this job is only a brief and temporary thing to get upon my feet financially. I told her to give me a day to think it through. After a good night sleep because I feel so drained after coming home, i’ll tell her tomorrow I’ll turn it down and keep looking.

A link on Msn intrigued me and decided to check it out it was a questionnaire on why im single. It was a total of 6 questions which summed up why. After a tally of points (5 being the maximum for each question) This is what I got:

It's you. Lady Luck (being a lady, after all), took one look at you and threw her hands up in despair. You have a simple binary choice: Either work to conceal your shortcomings from potential mates, or resign yourself to bachelorhood. It's possible that you could be saved, and maybe claw your way up, but it's going to require a lot of work.

Damn, As much as I’m laughing I realize this is me to a tee. Its something I plan to work on eventually in due time.

Now I don’t consider myself an expert at all on the subject. My ignorance may get in the way, but at this point I don’t care; there needs to be an opinion about it. I feel im below the knowledge of layman when it comes to politics but I have to say since bush has taken (and I mean literally) office; my curiosity has piqued about politics. There have been many times that I felt as ignorant and proud of it about the subject as many others blacks around me and in my community. A question was asked a year ago to me about why black don’t vote. My answer was fairly simple “Blacks feel that the system wasn’t made for them”, as ignorant as it sounds its true. Although as I try to throw that stereotype behind I see myself looking into the system and reading all I can to get a better grasp of understanding politics. My view has hit an all time high when Barack Obama jumped on to become candidate of my states senate. Again my ignorance came into play when I saw him on TV: Were both black and democratic so its an instant vote in his favor. Especially before Jack Ryan jumped out of the race. Then comes Alan Keyes. This man has always interested me because he’s the 2nd black republican in the spotlight I’ve ever seen. Hearing this makes me curious to look the brother up and read his views and how he came to be which I will soon. I spoke of his name when people look at me funny because they had no idea who he was or even cared. What I do remember was that with persistence he ran for president a good 4 times with no nominations. He resembled a fish out of water in a way but I like the fact that he was different compared to the other candidates ive seen and read. Anyway when the republican party said on the local news he accepted the nomination to become this state’s senate I was puzzled. I wondered why he accepted the nomination and what does he have to gain from it? As a born and raised Chicagoan this irks me more because if you know nothing about the troubles of the state how can you run in what you don’t know barely squat about? I read in various message boards and web sites how Keys can give Obama a run for his money for the election. I still feel that remains to be seen yet I look forward to check out the debate. I was especially angry when I saw various flyers in supermarkets saying Obama is ducking Keyes, which I feel is straight bullshit. Anyway I was happy when the brothas finally confronted each other and just as I suspected when black people have the same goal to achieve but yet different views on getting it. It gets loud and ugly, the bodyguards broke it up but I wanted to see something happen…heh. All I can say is with all offence aside because as a black male living in Chicago, Keyes moving into Chicago comes off as what I’ve read as a “hired gun” type of thing and its evident, plus he comes off as a hypocrite because of his view of Hillary Clinton achieving the same role that she herself did by moving into the state before running. I hope these 2 topics are particularly brought up in the debate im looking forward to seeing it and learning from these two. Illinois will have a black senate and that’s something that I feel good about.

I apologize if anyone wondered where my site was. It was suspended for a good minute because of the blacklist script I installed and it fucked up the whole server. That shows how weak and rushed my hostings' server is just to make money. Once I bring everything back things will be back to what it was. I had to reinstall Mt because when the hosting suspended me and wouldn’t let me correct my own mistakes all they did was erase my info from the previous mt version. The whole time I was scared it was because of my music for peeps to dl and check out. Its been a good week now I see a few places I linked to already bailed out on me. Fuck it! I’m gonna keep on with what I got. In due time I’m going to Move all my music to Soundclick and only have the most recent ones available here. All to prevent this BS from happening again. I should've moved but I have a reseller account and looking out for the peeps under me I decided I shouldn’t make that move and mess up their downtime.

Anyway School for me has started the first time I have set foot in a class seeking a degree in 6 years. My first class seems cool, despite I’m the only black male in there. I figured the major being communications there would be more blacks there. man, was I wrong. Anyway the teacher is cool so far as well. He is African and his accent is somewhat thick which wouldn’t be that hard to decipher if not the fact that he talked fast. I had to check him on that after the class was over. I also noticed around the campus halls that they were looking for help. The Computer lab was the first place I hit. The Head of the lab was busy with a class that seemed super packed so I told the guy at the desk I’ll be back sometime next week. Now, to enjoy my 4 day weekend...

This holiday went by like the breeze. I spent some time at my Grammy’s since my dad was grilling bbq. It was a good 2-3 months since we spoke and we chewed the rug about this and that. We peep some cute hoodrats near buy the house and I instantly said they wouldn’t go for a dude like me. With no piercings or tattoos I fit the clean cut good guy persona to a tee. My father told me he goes through the same thing with the broads he goes out with. We both agreed on one thing though. they don’t know what they missing so fuck 'em.

After I left I went to my moms to eat some more and talk a bit with her. I was glad I was getting away from my trifling hood. Seeing brothas outside playing in the field riding on ATV's racing was a fresh change of paste for me than seeing fuckas shootin' dice directly in my back yard.

I finally got to play Viewtiful Joe for my PS2. The game is raw, I love action games personally next to the fighting genre. I love when the perps just stand there throwing punk as jabs as if to say "Please, Whoop My ass!" And I most certainly oblige.

Hotdamn...Rudy Huxtable all grown up flashing her tigs. That aint right... Let me look again, heh!

I finally worked for 3 days straight! I subbed for a behavior disorder class and unlike my first time subbing for special ed classes. I was ready for what I was getting into. The kids were fairly decent no real problems. I almost had to break up a fight between the kids but otherwise the kids gave me the respect I needed to continue conducting the class on schedule. Its also funny to hear how the kids use different words for curses. I had to keep myself from laughing when they use “aspirin” for “ass”. (i.e. Git yo’ asssprin in this classroom! Dumbasssssprin!) When it got too excessively suggestive I demanded them to stop

My first paper was turned in today, no it wasn’t. On account of most of the class getting the format wrong, the turn in was extended to next week. I talk to the prof after class and showed my work to him. By his quick critique im about 65% complete with the paper I just need to add more to deliver the punch I need to get the highest grade possible.

One of my classmates was rocking a Battle Royale movie T-shirt. Whenever I see something I like I just have to compliment. I come to find out that the guy never saw the movie. He just wears it because the design is cool. Aw well.

Hellz No,
it's not my B-day yet but I came across a link of companies that offer free stuff when your brithday arrives! SWEET!

I've been assigned to the same special Ed class for the next week. I got 3 papers that I need to complete at least 2 by next week. Work and school has definitely been keeping me busy which is why many peeps haven’t heard from me, and I have to say I wouldn’t have it any other way. Y'see in being busy like this it definitely keeps me focused on what needs to be done and to shove other minor things aside. It may seem like I neglect my family and "friends" but in doing so it helps me shift my thought to more positive things and not on the negative aspects of my life.

So far the class is ok there’s only 3 students in the class and all 3 have extreme personalities. Alex, who's the smartest of the kids, hates to think, so he tries to get the teachers to give him the answers. Joshua is a tubby little guy that likes to talk and walk about instead of doing his work. And Mike is the most laziest kid I ever seen! He spends most of his time sleeping in class not doing a thing, and he's an 8th grader! I wonder if he cares about graduating. Thanks to the head teacher for informing me of how to deal with the students that I can be better prepared in handling them individually.

The stories she has told, made me want to reconsider doing this gig. Since the grades vary from 6th to 8th she lets me know automatically that its all boys (because girls in Behavior disorder classes are harder to get through im told.) and their hormones are raging. Anyway a male teacher was needed for the time being for the kids to relate and take charge when things get too uncomfortable for the female teacher to discuss with the students. We'll see how this plays out.

Its funny how she knew I was young and asked my age. When I told her she let me know out of many young teachers I was the most mature and grounded she's ever seen so far. I took that as a compliment. Hell, I still feel I have more in common with the kids than I do with the fellow teachers. I can't call it. I'm still playing videogames, listening to rappers and doing silly shit like they do sometimes. A long time ago I stopped focusing on becoming old worrying about it constantly watching my hair fall out and just living. Am I busy right now? hellz yeah, but best believe me when I say that im having fun in my own little special way doing it.

The good news is one of my classes is finished and it looks good that I’ll pass it easily (I’d Better, I was doing 2 papers for one damn credit!) but the bad side is that I think know I failed my first midterm test. I decided to take the advice of the fellow students and study the books only thinking that was all I would need. Once I entered the class and got my test, it was all on the muthafuggin notes! While everyone was writing their answers on 3 pages I could barely complete one page. I turned it into the Instructor and the first thing he said after glancing was “This is all you’re going to give?” I let him know what I did to prepare for the test and he let me know to keep coming to class and not get discouraged. I’m going to take his advice and continue, although I realize a getting the requirements of a “B” is very low now.

The class assignment this week that I sub for has been extended indefinitely, or at least till they let me know im not needed anymore. I can now say that the subbing business is paying off because I now have a steady job throughout the week. Now that I have 2 jobs I can get myself together with bills, my only downside is not having a weekend off anymore or even 2 days off. I never realized how taxing on your body & mind it can be working 7 days straight. There were things that I only did on the weekend because I had the time now I have to reschedule myself and my habitual format.

I’m booked to work till Next Tuesday. Today I subbed for 8th graders and I’m slowly getting the nickname of the "Cool Sub" even though kids wont let the garbage incident die down.

I finally got the word out that im switching servers since I need a company with a phone number instead of a dumb trouble ticket site, so peeps might notice a slight change.

I got beef with my state over some bullshit that I hope to correct soon.

R. Kelly stated his case on the war of both worlds. "The 'Light man' did it!"

My new serial cord came in for my Digital camera. The IgnantCam will be in effect very soon.

I voted today... And I still have a bad feeling about this.

That’s about it.

The parking lot of Ford City On 75th & Cicero Blew the fuck up yesterday due to a gas valve. My condolences to those who were injured but I have to say the things the bystanders (ghetto commentators) were sayin had me rollin' and the line that took the cake?

"It was like 911 all over again!"

Were you in New york? WTF! With all the shootings around there this was the last thing I wouldnt expect to happen. As warm as it was I was waiting for a dude with a stocking cap & jheri curl all geeked hollering "IT WAS CRAZY AS HELL!!" On 2nd thought that would be Evergreen Plaza. LOL

Then I took the loser test...

FUCK!!

Man The superbowl was alaround lame. But then again I didnt really give a fuck who won. Paul McCartney's music was a as tame as can be it tripped me out to see some of the black folks in the audience lookin around wondering "what the fuck you doin?"

The commercials werent as good neither. But if I had to choose the three that made me laugh out loud? they'd have to be:

1. The Throwbacks - Lays

2. Cat Killer - Ameriquest

3. The Stick up - Ameriquest

Peep them yourself Here and find your own...

After a long har day of putting up with talkative 3rd graders as a sub i came home to see that I had recieved a call about a interview. I got a hold of the guy and discussed what the position is about after he grilled me of my skills on the phone. I was shook for a while when I found out what the company was but eventually I accepted and with the last 200 bucks in my pocket purchased a new suit, Long sleeve shirt, tie & shoes. I also headed to the barbers to get a lining. I feel for this particular company I wanna look the best I can. The place is real convenient and ideal to travel commuute wise. My only faults at the moment are that my resume isnt printed out yet and i have nothing to carry them even if i had one ready. Nevertheless. at 95% reddiness this should be a sinch to handle.

I've always hated the 1st impression BS and not because I've sucked at it. I've always wanted someone to see the potential within me to over look how I appear; but now I feel I have no choice but to go with the grain. Well fuck it, im bout to kill this shit. and prove what the 'Ro has inside and out.

Man I thought I’d never say this about myself. But im truly fucking up. I need to prioritize and organize myself. On the route im going I’m becoming my own worst enemy if im not already.

The interview went good. Although I was already outed for not knowing the programs that they wanted (I’m not being negative, he told me) He did give me credit for going over the web site and bringing up particular elements that he over looked or didn’t consider. Well I’m just glad I was considered. So far I have been interviewed for a fulltime position twice this year once a month and I hope the streak continues.

The trip downtown was nice and to have my feet walk along Michigan ave and Wabash again felt good. I walked past my school and decided not to visit I saw from the outsides that a lot of the interior has changed and I aint gonna lie the security guard was cute as hell. It was around 11:00 am when I walked past and around that time peeps are scrambling for their classes. I went into one of my favorite spots downtown (DePaul University Center) to check out the Afrocentric Bookstore which has been closed down to my dismay. Damn, first the Crows Nest goes under and now this. I’m glad that Tower stayed open downtown too. I saw that they moved Most of the music upstairs while the movies were moved down. Even the Porno. Out in the Open at the end of the aisle. My walk to the Randolph Metra station I saw the constructor have been busy. The station is more futuristic looking but now with less room to move about.

Finishing up my assignments for my class today caused me to be over 30 minutes late I decided to wait out till break time to come in so I chilled at the door. Just my luck that He lets everyone out early so I turn in my assignment anyway too bad my shit looks rushed unlike others. I remembered this was the week of midterm review so I asked a classmate for her notes to scan and review. I didn’t check the scanner before I ran them all through now they look too awful to read. I offered my notes from a previous class that she missed but I warned her that my writing isn’t as good as hers. I guess im going to have to wing it.

I noticed a girl today walking to a classroom that looked a lot like a female I used to know at my previous school. If she’s getting her Masters as well, more power to her. Then I remembered I tried to talk to her as well. She turned me down but it was one of the nicest rejections I’ve ever received (I can count them on one hand) Maybe I should’ve said something but past is the past so fuck it.

My Stepfather or should I say my brother’s father came over and help out with our place which I appreciated. He built us a new shelf to place our food on and fixed a trouble spot on our computer desk. I haven’t cleaned the house in a week and it shows. That’s a Helpful guy.

I turned down teaching for 2 days straight. The lady who gives the assignments over the phone got all pouty when I refused. I need the money too but its come to appoint I cant deal with the shit anymore. I’ve gotten so sick of dreading the 6 in the morning phone calls; coming home after the assignments to headaches, face throbbing and feeling of my body’s energy being drained that I have to sleep for a few hours before I go to work. I need an escape. I'll find it eventually.

I gotta say, I can't knock his plan. A man has set up a site and asked for $50,000 or he'll eat a bunny named Toby. The tripped out part is that He's already been given over $16,000 through the net. Why didnt I think of this mess! Hope the Animal Cruelty & PETA doesnt find out about him. >:)

It’s been 3 days now since I got a call to teach and even though I need the money about now, im not missing it one bit. They must’ve found out how I had some of the 8th graders in an after school detention cipher and let them battle each other and say whatever they liked. Yeah, I let them cuss inside the school, good role model am I not? Anyway they kept it up till one of the staff came to send them off. Aw well. They will call I have no doubts.

I got my scores back from my Classes im surprised to see im still doing well. But I was more taken towards my screenwriting class and the grading critique I received from my professor. I feel it has influenced me more to continue writing since one of my goal is to have a comic book story published, hell a graphic novel even. That’s why a brotha got subscriptions to Write Now! for.

My new dream machine is now completed (insert mad scientist laugh here) I’ll take a pic of it to post on here soon. I let my brother know that the old come is now his. We switch computers now whenever we want to use it. Its tedious operation to do since we have to take out the wires and re plug them. I already let him know that I made an account on the new computer for him but since I told him the old one is his now he uses it to his advantage. I’ll just let him do the switching. Heh.

Today I found a new limitation for myself. I can’t Teach and go to school on the same day. As a sub which is excruciating on my nerves my only release is sleep to regain energy. I avoided teaching on the particular days I attend school because of this. My need for money won out and I decided to try. Sure enough, once I got to class, I was burnout. I tried my damnest to stay awake. And usually it shows that im tired because my left eyelid droops like I’m drunk. I’m gonna have to let someone know that I can’t work on those days. I’m glad there are only two to deal with.

Well my fun is over. Blend City now has its own domain & web space. My car’s brakes are fixed, no growling grinding noises any more. I’ve now got to put in work and make up the money for the repair costs starting tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll be a Gym teacher for 3-5th graders then next week for 4 days straight I’ll be in charge of a 8th grade class (lawd give me the strength!). I’m dreading every minute of it. If I have anything to look forward to after all this is that spring break starts next friday. That will be a better week as any to catch up on my studies and really get my job hunting going.

Man, a couple of regulars in the computer lab are lookin good everyday. I should ask a couple if there single, I don’t have jack shit to lose.

So far my new computer has no real visible faults except when I plug in a USB device in the front the OS restarts; wiping anything I was doing before hand. I gotta be more caucious.

My great Cousin stayed out here from Minnesota for a good 4 months and went to school here. He eventually went back due to not fitting in with the classmates here. He got tired of the kids tripping and bullying him constantly trying to make him fight. I can understand that. Chicago kids got a different mentality at least in my view. If I had a chance to move to somewhere different where I didnt have to put up with the shit I did I would go too.

I remember back in the day when I transferred to new school I always had to fight someone just to show how rough I could be in order for other kids to like me. I aint even gonna lie I lost every fight I was in and got clowned. That shit swelled up inside and I vowed not to fight again no matter what. So after 5th grade that’s what I did and I transferred into 2 schools in between my 6th and 8th grade. I kept my cool and I maintained a Incredible Hulk persona “ Just want to be left alone.” And didn’t bother anyone. There were a few bitch ass niggaz that wanted to test me and one almost did. Hell one smacked me in my mouth and yet I refused to lay a hand on him. Now that may sound like pussy shit because most people would say, “Why didn’t you hit him back?” Well, I felt torn. I was conflicted with what to do because of my parents and elders actions.

You get told from all angles that if you hit someone you’ll suffer consequences and I got sick of it. When I did get into trouble nobody believed me. Hell, my mother wouldn’t even fight for me because she became sick of me at times. I remember at 3rd grade a kid picked on me and we fought on the stairs I knocked his ass down the stairs. Other clowns in the neighbor hood were picking on me and I finally stood up for myself despite what the teachers and my parents told me. The first thing that went through my head was “My ma’s gonna be proud of me” But she wasn’t. I guess the kids moms threatened to sue and my moms whupped me for it. I was so confused, she wanted me to stand up for myself and gave me all this shit that if someone put their hands on me defend myself, but then this beating told me I shouldn’t. I was damned if I did or didn’t. Shit like that is how I grew up crazy.

In one of the forums i go to, the anniversary was coming up real soon. So everyone decided to put how their life has changed since the site started. It took me a while to munster up the key essencials and sum up my life from 01 to present but i did it. and I have to say gottdamn its sad, but i accept full responsibility for it since its my life. It's my mentality i need to get right.

• Got laid off due to 911
• Went from 40k yr to washing dishes at Bakers Square for min wage then quit in anger
• Went on a couple of dates and got clowned each time.
• Got a job 2 hours away by car from my home.
• Developed G.E.R.D. due to stress
• Was able to move intro my own place
• Got a 2004 Dodge Neon SXT
• Almost stayed a year till I got fired and my ride repossessed
• Did public transportation for half a year
• Got a used Ford Taurus
• Became a substitute teacher to make ends meet and hate every minute of it.
• Enrolled back into college for my masters.

All in all just Strugglin & Surviving.

What a downward spiral I’ve descended to. Maybe it's the negativity within me to point out the bad shit instead of the good but I gotta be real and say out of all of that 2 things are the best I could come up with that were sort of life changing. I know I’m built for this world; I just gotta find my niche and make it happen. Ya Gotta love grown folks Life!

Johnie Cochran & Batfink Creator Hal Seeger

Im going to hell for laughing at this: Terri Schiavo's Blog

Friday night I have to say was one of my best moments of the year so far. Me and my boys got together to try and catch a clip to see Sin City. I was in personal conflict because my money was low but I said fuck it and decided to risk it. I didn’t know if I was to get to see all my homies again in one place not locked up by the responsibilities of married life. Times like this make me glad I’m single. Any way once I got there I met up with some of my peeps and they quickly informed me that the first showing was sold out. The next filming conflicted with picking up my bro from work like I promised. All I knew was that I wasn’t going to see the flick this night. We all decided to chill for an hour at the local restaurant while we wait. We caught up on old times and some of the new. Our biggest surprise was how we're all men in our 30’s with degrees and we’re not able to put them to use. It shows that some of us are bitter (like me) while others just go with the flow since they have other things to worry about for the moment. Once time came we all said our “lata’s” and headed back to the Theatre while I headed to the parking lot. Thankfully for only staying 5 minutes I got to leave on only 2 bucks, Chicago Parking fees are a bitch. Of course we all wondered when we can do something like this again. Aw well, Like Chic; Good times!

Having out discussions in the cafeteria, my manager and me with his boy was dwelling on a lot of topics. “How to always tell everyone your broke” How women are freaks but insecure because of the double standard” Shit like that, but the main conversation that stuck in my head was how the dude explained how to tell shady folks. Using his father’s southern logic he summed it up in a simple sentence. “Never trust anyone who wont look you in the eye”

Now when I heard that at first what came to my head are 2 things. One a lot of insecure people don’t do that so how can you tell? And the second being that it sounds like pimp shit. Now to me that resembles disrespect since eye contact is not made and plus the fact that those who don’t, have a tendency to keep their conversation with you short. In the simplest of terms if they won’t do either; they don’t like the sight of you and anyone who looks like you for that matter.

As he was kicking this piece of game I got conscious and focused on his eyes more myself. The last thing I want to be viewed as by people who don’t know me as a shady muhfugga. Now I feel this can go in a total new direction depending on your situation. For example: at work. I learned the shadiest of people are the one who will smile in your face and then talk out their neck when you’re now in their presence. This is a facet that needs to be studied more. I’ll take it to heart regardless.

A remarkable dilemma I must day. Today was the day I had to do my Television Production Final project and set up a 15 minute movie review show. Just as I suspected Murphy’s Law showed its ass today! We had no teleprompter, the video clips weren’t finished and one of the talents’ mic broke during filming. Still through god willing and blessings we pulled it off and I was ready to collapse, why? Because within a team of 4 I did about 70% of the work. I had to hog the ball and carry the team like Jordan during most of the 80’s. I completed the clips the music which was generally the hard work. My teammates minus one did most of the typing which was great even though I proofread. The three of us did out thing and despite our problems today we pulled out. Now left a new problem. The girls confronted me (I was the only male on the team) about the last member who did nothing to help us and was as useful as a shredded sponge during filming. The ball is in my court again. Should we confront the instructor and point out that she did nothing or carry her on or back like a casualty in a war? I’m torn because I’ve been in that same position before and the slack was taken for me; a few times I might say. Those times were when I was younger but I feel they have merit. I have yet to give up my decision.

A frequent visitor of the computer lab that I talk to a lot came to me with a new phrase that she just learned. “Big Daddy” I instantly said “oh lawd” and she asked me if she should use it with her boyfriend. I told her feel free, a lot of men like that shit. I get called that all the time by someone I know I don’t get a big head about it. Since she was Puerto Rican I kept telling her continue with ‘Papi’ as well; we like that shit too like Chris Rock said before “No man can resist Papi!” and it sometimes builds up our egos. Especially during sex (why lie?). I know a few women will disagree with calling their significant other a pet name like that and I understand insecurity can do that to you. On the flipside what’s the perfect pet name to use in a lady case? Big momma? I guess as a man it’s as long as you don’t offend; besides it’s the tone of the voice that seals the deal

What Happened?!

That was the start of the conversation that my instructor/advisor asked me when he looked over my final I barely passed with a D-. I told him that my main objective was to get down the lingo of the book that we started with. I neglected studying the handouts we received during the class which led to my blank short answers. He asked me once he got my final paper/script what 3 things could be changed if I had the ability. I told him smaller cast, more plot and better ending. He immediately turned my score into a 65, oh joy a D. Yay! I told him how useful the class was since I plan on submitting a comic book script soon. What he told me was something that hit me on the head since I didn’t realize. Comic books and Graphic novels are basically storyboards to a possible motion picture. That made perfect sense; I mean why wouldn’t directors like Hudlin & Smith get deals to write the books. It definitely brought about just a taste of more ambition and inspiration to make something happen. One final’s down and another to go.

I headed to my fave DVD hobby shop I picked up 2 flicks one called Born to Fight by the director of Ong Bak so I’m hoping at least the action is as good. And a Blaxploitation classic called Coonskin a.k.a. Street fight. I asked the owner about wholesale fees for the purpose of selling them on eBay. He told me it’ll be a grand to get started. A “G” that I didn’t have at the moment, but he told me he’d work with me for at least half.

I finally got me some cheap Nike from Eastbay catalog under 50 bucks. I refuse to pay 200 for kicks; which is why you won’t see me with Jordans on from my own money.

I’m working with the bastards tomorrow and Friday while studying for my final Monday. whoopee

Think about these...Go ahead.

1. Name one Samuel Jackson starring Movie where He doesn’t yell.

2. Name one Morgan Freeman starring Movie where He Runs!

3. Name one Cuba Gooding Jr. starring Movie where He doesn’t cry.

Well I got my grades for the semester. And they weren’t as bad as I thought. Although I got a C in My Television Production class so now im placed on academic probation since I have to maintain a B average to stay in graduate school. I have no doubt that I can get that back next semester.

The hood I’m in is plotting against me telling the cops that im a drug dealer. Aint that some shit? I guess they realize who’ve been letting people know about the shady mess that goes on. The officer that approached my home I offered to let him in and take a look to see if I have any illegal drugs around for distribution. He told me he believe me since no dealer would offer a cop up front to do that.

I took my bro’s Friend home and help him out with his computer. Since I was around 82nd & Cottage Grove I decided to take a look around my old block that I grew up in. I might as well say it’s no better than the hole I live in now. Seeing it all brought back memories. Those memories are the reason why I didn’t really look back when I left.

A brotha’s hooked on Jade Empire for xbox, 2 of my favorite genres in one game.

Well peeps might find this funny but fuck it since its the type of shit im working on changing this is my first step. Today is the first day of the summer semester of my college. I didn’t want to go to school for this semester but I wouldn’t make money without going to keep my bills paid. Now that the irony is out of the way, to add on to my antisocial megalomaniacal personality my lack of controlling my flatulents also adds onto my not getting lucky in the female department.

Today one of the regular chicks im familiar seeing a lot with one of the most sexiest, seductive D.S.L.’s I’ve never seen on a broad asked me for help on the computer station she was on. After staring hypnotized at her tasty D.S.L.’s the entire time I went over to help her. Now it was bad enough I threw on a damn T-shirt that's wrinkled as hell. I wasn’t anticipating her being here this semester (Yeah I know, no excuse). As I approached her I felt my ass inflate with Vitamin F due to the bag of bbq chips I ate. I said to myself “nigga PLEASE don’t let one go in front of this dime” but my ass was like “Ah can’t Help it! Ah’m Gonna Blow!” Luckily I was able to use my ass muscles to let out one simple quiet 1 second poot. Now the tactics came in trying to hide this smelly fart. What did I do? I tried to intercept the aroma by sitting in front of her and waving my wrinkled shirt in the direction to push it away. I’m not sure if that did the trick. Either way I’m not getting her number anytime soon. Nice D.S.L.’s though...

At the lab today a lady wanted me to tell her about USB drives since alot of computers nowadays are giving floppy drives the boot. I helped her out as best as I could and then she asked me what does USB mean. So when I told her, she replied "like a Bus huh?" it took me a minute for it to hit me but I got it. USB > BUS duh...

I neva knew what I was getting into, seeing the book and peeping the articles has got on my nerves. I'll share it so here's my experience.

It was a dope crib in one of the best neighborhoods near downtown and next to Whitney Young High school (one of the cities best looking H.S. cuties of all races and one of Kells most famous lurking spots b4 the trouble.) I parked across from the school and walked into his home. He had a very nice crib and it was definitely bigger than it looked from the outside.

My cousin was his assistant and “he” Personally gave me a call because my cousin told him of my web skills. He wanted a multimedia designer, something to help him design flyers to go into clubs directly at men to promote safe sex. The prototypes of the flyers were cool with a simple message to beware of: “He has Eyes for you… and HIM” I flipped it over assuming it was just a postcard but to surprise and disgust was a pics of a dude putting on a condom completely naked. I wasn’t trying to see some dude’s shlong. Immediately flipped it back over.

He sat me down and kicked a little game about what he was doing and how I could help him. He instantly said he didn’t know how to approach it so he’d just come out and say it regardless how I feel. He explained his book and the reasons. I was taken aback it was something I didn’t know that went on but the main thing that went through my head was…”How and Why does he know so much about this mess?”

He emphasized how it’s a lot of these thugs out here that keep their image on the low at the same time get into that shit. He brought in a sketch of a dude chillin on a corner wearing nothing more than jeans and Tims. He asked me what is it about him do I noticed the most. I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t even want to look at all man it’s a duuuuude! I just told him he got his damn shirt off on the corner. Of course that wasn’t the answer he wanted me to give him. After I told him I give up he said that the main thing that you should’ve noticed is “Dude is packing major dick” This is another prototype that he wanted to put on Tees and promote his web site(s) to get those dudes interested. Man, I couldn’t handle it. I questioned myself and my damn cousin for even referring me to him. After that was over I said shook hands with him and said lata to my cuz.

Now despite my view on the subject I went and decided to go outside the box and make a couple of flyers. I researched gay personal sites, culture magazines articles and gay porn sites. I didn’t like it but I got through it. I emailed him the results and made copies to show him in person. After he saw them he told me I wasn’t what he was looking for; deep inside I sighed relief. I truly felt the same way as he did.

Now the man is Big for this particular subject, going on shows all over and his book has just gone to paperback. I flipped the back and it was then that I realized why he knew so much about this subject.
Thats a area on the low that isnt for me.

My New Addiction

1. Had to stop 2 fights today both were involving 8th grade girls about to graduate in 2 weeks loosing their minds.

2. I hate to admit it but its the summer and a brotha is getting lonely.

3. My school’s book vouchers are now gift debit cards. I was expecting cash. I still used it to buy my books online.

4. My car’s Check engine light is still on after repairs. I need to reset the computer and tell it everythings okay.

5. Never buy 25pk of DVD-R’s for 5.99. They wont even work.

6. I really have to clean up my place.

7. A security guard who visits the lab a lot is now preaching to me every chance he gets about christianity. His views on other religions as “Cults” offended me.

8. Common’s Be – Smooth ass beats, raw rymes.

9. I was about to install my specialized Kubrick template on this blog but the instructions are now gone. I printed them out months ago but I believe I threw them away.

10. I need a new DVD player for my room. A JVC has caught my eye.

11. I never knew playing on the xbox online would be so fun. Especially when im getting killed all the time.

12. Note to Self: Never do business with my mother again. and stick to it.

My Windows Xp was reinstalled. Which wiped out 90% of my programs like I figured. I’ll have to break out My Pc Relocator again to save time.

Man its funny, now that summer’s here dude act up. What I mean is that im now getting calls for help with their computer. When I was free, nobody was thinking about my ass. Irony at its best I say. I’ve been teaching during the day and going & working at school at night. Now I have little time to do much else, let alone the energy at least till the weekend.

Associate #1 - A friend of my brothers to help out problem solving his computer. I’m only able to work on it on weekends but I told them I’d do it to help them save money. I consider it my Pro Bono since I want the experience. Evidently dudes be impatient and now wants his computer back claiming it doesn’t take that long to fix one. That is true but at the same time in the words of Butthead “Hey, It was Free Asswipe!” If homey wants to spend big bucks to get it done he can get it his self.

Client 2# - A friend through teaching asking me to help her out in removing “viruses” from her comp which is most likely Spyware. She asked me for help in front of the kids which sounded too suggestive and the kids ate that shit up.

Her: Tell you what? Why don’t you come over and come see it, I’ll be home all weekend.

Me: okay!

Them: ooooooh! Fer Real Mr. Smith?!

Me: Shut it up.

Client #3 – I’ve been waiting on this dude to call. It seems like he’s hunted me down. Which is just as well we had to connect eventually to finalize shit. I had his domain name for the past few years and told him I’ve been renewing it to save it from squatters. When he reached me we agreed he would reimburse me for the 2 years and I moved the domain account into his name. One solved.

Client #4 – I got a call from them asking me about an email wanting $95 bucks or their service will be shut off. I never sent that and because the school faculty were getting the same type of emails. I told him to just delete it and don’t open it.

Client #5 – My cuz is trying to get his site back up and running and his boy is gonna hold it down till I have time to create it. He needs FTP access and we’ve been playing tag with the phone for a while even on our messengers.

So that sums up 5 potential clients. Two im gonna collect from hopefully, and the others are in the air. Whether time allows me to help them out remains to be seen. On the real I feel like I’m letting a lot of people down for some reason and that’s one of the main things I loathe to do when people depend on me.

Y’know this subject is something that’s cool to have yet. When you’re not doing what others want the questions get tiresome. I was born with good jeans. I’m tall and I can’t change that. I also cant change the 4 word sentence that everyone always ask’s me that every tall man is sick to death of hearing.

Do you play basketball?

Man, I get so damn tired of hearing this. Ya’ll just don’t know. Don’t get me wrong I love my height I hate the stereotyping that comes with it. I’m black and tall so automatically I HAVE to play B-ball. I should. Play B-ball. I should be in the NBA. I should be making all the money that the players make. I should be in the spotlight. I’m supposed to play it. I was built for it.

BULLSHIT.

Let me tell you, the reason I stopped doing sports was because of the pressure of others. I’ve been even threatened to play. I still refused. I used to have love for the game. I played sports at school I was even in extracurricular activities back in grade school. When puberty struck I realized I had no interest to play. This upset my moms but I could care less. I had to do me. When she realized I wasn’t gonna play ball again she bribed me into playing. I stuck at it for a while but eventually I left it. I didn’t want to be apart of it at all. I hated that I was categorized into being a player. I admit when it came to playing actual basketball my skills were less than everyone else. I’m not even gonna lie, I sucked. My coordination was slow and I just wasn’t aggressive enough. Hell, everytime I tried to play I would end up in a fight. It would happen because someone didn’t like how I played or what I was doing. I was being pushed around and when I pushed back dudes tried to test me. I wasn’t a fighter either so I backed off every time. The nail in the coffin for me to give up playing was the realization that I couldn’t dunk. It used to be embarrassing. To the point that when people asked I would say yeah but in truth I couldn’t at all. Y’see I have small hands with slender fingers. I could never palm a basketball. I tried many times. I wanted so bad to do this and maybe encourage the love of the game within me to continue but no avail. I knew some NBA players to use the power dunk technique and tuck the ball into your wrist when you dunk, that shit never worked neither. The shit was discouraging because I wanted to be something that everyone wanted yet I didn’t know what I wanted myself.

My uncle is a vice principal and head coach of a well known school here in the city, He told me to come out and learn some b-ball moves if I was interested. At the time the school was located in the Altgerald Gardens. This is one of our ghettos on the south side I grew up there since most of my relatives lived there and I visited during the summer when I was little. Getting back to the subject, my uncle gave me a ball and taught me some moves to start on and I did. It was also the same time I met up with the basketball team he was in charge of. They were all taller than me and looked at me like I was the shorty. I can say that was one of my first times ever being intimidated by my own peers. Any way while I was doing my exercises, my uncle told me to work with one of the teammates. We did a couple of exercises together all the while he asked me questions.

Most of them were minor but the main one that stuck in my head was the simplest one. “Why you doing this and is it for yourself?” That shit blew me for a loop. I knew it wasn’t for myself it was to make others happy. It was to put my height to use the way they all wanted me to. It was around that time as I passed the ball to him he took it and cupped it under his arm and we took a walk around the gym. He let me know if this wasn’t for me then I shouldn’t be doing it. He was adamant in letting me know that in his own words “Man, the ghetto needs more brothers in otha stuff besides basketball and rapping.” I soaked in every thing he was spitting. I think it was the fact that he was coming from a low class neighborhood for him to say those things surprised me since I always thought this was in their view the way out. I read between the lines that if there was another outlet for him to do he would. I respected that. I thank that brother to this day. I haven’t played a lick of ball since.

1. Do you own a car? What make and model? Do you consider cars a boring point A to B appliance or does talk of V8's and turbo-charging make your eyes light up

I currently have a 98 Ford Taurus. I'm dont have a need for speed so the talk about engines do nothing for me. Im content if it can get me from point A 2 B.

2. SUVs : practical and roomy or gas-guzzling monstrosities?

Both! A big man like myself could like the room that a SUV could give but now with the dreaded gas prices i'd rather stay away from them. Lets not go into the drama that Happened a couple of years ago with all the recalls and the FireStone Tire drama. Only the Denali would make a brotha change his mind if the opportunity was there to get one on the spot.

3. Your dream car is...?

'93 -'95: Chevy Blazer

'00 - Present: Dodge Magnum or Chrysler 300

Another day has passed and im trying my best to see the good and today was no exception. hell this may be my best week of the year.

I gave my pitch today to my screenwriting Producer class about a videogame with me as the producer. I ripped that shit. I wasnt expecting a all out debate about censorship with my piece because of the demographic but it was all good. I got many compliments after it was over so that boosted my spirits.

Nothing like Going to Jamba Juice and paying for a Regular size but getting the Large size. Sweet!

So i'm driving my Bro's Best friend to his girlfriends place and he basically breaks down how he met this chick. She was a hand me down from his friend who is the forces serving in germany. His friend got a blonde German freak so he shook off the girl he had here. I felt that was some awful shit to get with the girl your boy already had. He told me that he already confronted his boy on that and he did'nt care. After that i left it alone but thats when he gets into some nasty shit describing his "girl" saying she has a club foot, she get "brain seizures" and she's cockeyed. I didnt know wether to laugh or look in disgust. then he ends it with "I don't know why I'm with her, man" Well, I hope the Cooch is worth it.

Alba got dem half dollar nipps! Love it!

Man, maybe its a midwest thing but lately ive noticed alot of ladies mostly in the caucasian persuasion puffin on Black & Milds. This in particular grabbed my attention when I used to work at Hooters and one of the ladies there always toked on one before her time to leave for the day. I cant put my finger on it but even though I prefer a woman not to smoke in my presence cuz I dont smoke anything. There's something about a lady smokin a B&M that atracts me. Damn the fact 2nd hand smoke clogs up my sinuses and keeps me from breathing. What happened to the sistas that toked them beedees, at least the smoke from them were sweet.

Tell about one time you laughed so hard you couldn't breathe. Who were you with? What were you laughing about?

Just last night, Me and my brother watched the bootleg of The House of Wax. Seeing Paris Hilton get killed the worst in the flick wasnt the real funny part (but it was funny) at the end of the flick. My brother reencacted the part of the episode of South Park when Mr. Slave swallowed her in his ass. The noise he was making and the fact he can inpersonate Mr. Slave very well had me dying. Not a sound was comming from my mouth but my sides hurt. Thats how funny it was. Yeah me and by bro are good when it comes to impersonations.

What website, blog, online game, etc have you spent the most time on this week? Share the URL with the rest of us!

The sites in my B-rolling list --> are the ones that I peep everyday.

As an ode to myself and K; I promised to begin my 20 positive assessments about myself and I’ll start with 5 and continue once I gather more. Even though she thinks this will help me, I’ll take her word for it and do it anyway.

• I am kind hearted & warm
• I am a funny guy once you get to know me
• I am affectionate with the right person
• I am very modest which keeps me grounded
• I am very patient with others that don’t know what I know.

With a little help I was able to make my affirmations sound better and more motivational.

6. I love and respect my creative assertiveness at all times.

7. I AM now ready to manifest my dreams in the form of prosperity and abundance.

8. I AM truly grateful for everything that I have NOW

9. I am safe at all times as I experience new things.

10. Each day I awaken and feel my divine connection with All That Is, and I AM eternally grateful.

alrighty then ten more to go.

In a race against time so to speak and to add on my chances of getting hired and paying off on all this debt I have I invested in a book called “51 ways to find a job--fast” plus the book has a money back guarantee. I’m gonna put my thing in action and give this a shot. And since I have a phone interview tomorrow this will be my best attempt to try at least 5 steps within the 51 that the book suggests will work.

One of my classes will come to an end next week. And I need to get my study & final project on. I can’t be bullshittin around anymore.

Fathers day passed and a few people asked me if I was gonna do anything for him. I told everybody the same answer, “not really” Not to put a whole bunch of guilt & blame on my pops but despite the things he’s done for me that I can count on one hand. There are more he hasn’t done. I see my pops as a friend than a father he never really played that role well in my eyes. Then they retort that I should at least say “happy fathers’ day” and y’know I considered that, I would except for the fact that I can’t remember his cell number and the fact he calls every holiday.

Now personally I hate talking about sex because I ain’t getting it. But this in particular has me chucking so I decided to share it. What a lot of females who are interested in me will know that im not a big fan of 2 things; Public affection and Phone sex. When it comes to phone sex my main problem is that why talk about what you want to do when you can’t? I hate to be teased it’s generally no fucking point (no pun intended) to me. I have to admit there are 3 major points to phone sex that I do get a kick out of even if I dislike it. Let’s get on the first one.

Man, shit is getting tight for me. It sucks when you have a decision to makes with the last piece of change you got in your wallet to either pay bills or buy food. I tried to get my husle on and sell some of my books that I don’t need or want anymore but amazon wants some money upfront. Anyway, the job hunt is on, and as much as these people get snippy attitudes with me, I gotta shove my foot in the door and intrude on your personal like a Jehovah’s Witness and try to land a job ASAP. I’m even checking local stores to see if they have any open stock jobs that I could handle. I realize now that I’ve been in white collar work for so long I’m not built for blue collar labor anymore hell technically I never was even beforehand. In doing the cold calling shit I feel like such a telemarketer but at the same time how am I gonna get noticed for my skills I feel like nothing is happening and im tired of blaming the situation around me. I wanna make something happen to the best of my ability. I’m making sites that I would normally give a fuck less about like Myspace and Friendster my 2nd visits finding anyone who is in the industry like me to get in where I fit in. I’ve applied 5 ways to land a gig and so far there still up in the air but the steps improving my game: Reject Rejection, Saying thank you after every interview, Find and work with Recruiters, Putting myself on sale, keeping in touch with follow ups.

I now through an associates request I contacted a recruiter that I have bad blood with. I feel anger toward them because of the fact out of my 5 years with them I have yet found employment through them but once and it lasted 1 week. In my view Temp agencies are pimps with less game, there no better than agents for entertainers because there in it to make money themselves. They hook you in on some absurd amount that you’d make with them; in reality, yes, you will make that much but that extra 20 grand you will never see because it goes straight to them. I’ve told them what’s on my mind and they gave me the same old question “Do you want it or not?” and the last time I told them to kiss my ass because I can do bad all by myself. Now I’ve contacted them again, for an “interview” which is something they need to do to see you and check if you’re marketable. Since most of these agencies are in the city and im in the boonies I need more than that to assure what they can do for me. If they would give ya a simple statement saying “there are some positions that I think you’d be perfect for” I’d give more consideration in making a trip to see them. I couldn’t make the first “interview” so I told me can we reschedule the receptionist told me that there were no appointments arraigned all day. That showed how important I felt to them, I eventually rescheduled and when the day came I didn’t go. I said fuck them I’ll use another company to go through and this will be my last transaction with them. Now I notice that my school is hiring for a mail room clerk. I like my job at the lab but this gig pays more for the time being and the chance of advancing within the campus is high so I’m gonna go for it.

I need to thank my body for letting my hardheaded ass know I just can’t keep throwing fast food in my mouth and not expect shit to happen. I had to go to the hospital twice for my acid reflux and it’s getting costly for a brotha with no insurance and no real job. I now feel so weak and dehydrated but I need to heed the lesson. I gotta start eating healthier. I am now gonna try my damnest to substitute beef for veggies and soup instead of fries. Now even though I can’t totally get rid of all my vices. I’m gonna do all that on the weekends. It sounds like a plan now to get it in action.

My moms called me today because for a week our dog MAX was sick. What seemed like an uncontrollable bladder elevated into much more when she took him to the vet. The previous owner fed him till he got overweight and eventually he caught diabetes and also liver and kidney problems. I didn’t know dogs could get diabetes. He's only 7 and the vet says he's also going blind because of his suffering. To save him would cost thousands of dollars that my mom doesn’t have so the only other course is to put him to sleep to take him out of his misery. As she told me this I held in the tears till I hung up, He was such an adorable dog and so friendly as well. He was very playful and smart when he had to go outside he let us know and always happy to see me and my brother when we came home. We only had him for 3 years since his first owner died and we've grown attached to him. It saddens me that at his age he has to suffer so. I wish I could do something to keep him alive; maybe run a donation site. Something so he can continue living. But all the money in the world would stop the blindness from coming. I hate what they have to do to put him to sleep, he’s going through enough already. It makes me wonder whats worse to send him or to let him suffer, its a tough fucking decision to make because if was me what would I want my fam to do? I dont even wanna think about it. Now I have to continue my day knowing he's going to be destroyed. It just aint right. I'm gonna miss him.

To all those ive promised to do something for them, i apologize. I try to be a man of my word at all time but im feeling overwhelmed alot lately. I have to get myself together somewhat to honor my word. I dont want to make excuses but i just hate letting people down. That is all.

Collection agencies, y’know I hate them. I figure a lot of you all do as well. While there are a few people that can say they pay their bills on time, fuck all that. Everyone slips on ice once or twice in their lives. I’ve been struggling for the past year or so with no steady job and it’s a wonder how im surviving this long. Eventually I got tired of dodging the phone calls and started confronting them. Yet when I tell them I’m under financial hardship they don’t want to hear that. That’s understandable they want the money. I want a good job. So what do I do? I own them by offering myself as an indentured servant. I kick a little game saying that I’d gladly work for their company to pay off my debt. I let them know about how I’m an eager worker with experience in help desk and customer support. I pitch that every time I get a call, of course I get a runaround since there only trained to get the money so I hit them with asking a manager. Do you know they usually hang up on me? It’s a funny thing once I think about it, but I learned that from my dad who loves to babble to the telemarketers when they call. I feel eventually I’ll get someone interested in me enough to take me on or till I have the money to pay them which ever comes first in the meantime I continue to be persistent. This company in particular has pressured me to give them a cease and desist letter. These fuckers continue to call all day today even after I talked to two employees twice.

I decided for that fucking Collection agency that continues to call continuously day after day I sent them a ceritfied validation letter instead of a cease and desist. I'll see now whats their next move.

So far this week is turning out good. I had an interview downtown Monday morning. I felt it went well and I was sure I had it on lock till I met the competition but that’s alright though. I sent my thank you email after I got home and rested my chaffed feet walking all over in dress shoes.

There is 2 more weeks left of summer semester; Then im at a crossroads, again. It will be 3 weeks till the fall semester starts so I guess it will be a good enough vacation. In the meantime im gonna kick my job search in gear. I got my friends and fam asking me for web help but till the last day of class I wanna focus strictly on my finals.

Cottdamn it Teri, Not you too! weighing 90lbs when wet is not sexy.

C'mon in! The crabs are fresh & the diseases are dormant! (ugh)

FRANK WHITE 4 PRESIDENT!!!

Or how about...

I am Jack's quivering lip...

I know a lot of peeps wonder how I came up with the name SinRo. In a few message boards I go to, when I post my picture there surprised that I’m black because the name is so different. Well I got it out of 2 sources. Let’s begin with the main one.

Being a fan of comics one of my favorite all time characters is the Green Lantern. Anyone who has caught up with the History of the lanterns or even watched some of the toons from time to time knows his greatest enemy. I’m not talking about fear or the rings’ previous weakness yellow. I’m talking about Sinestro the renegade lantern. A villain who started as the hero’s (Hal Jordan) teacher and began abusing the power of the ring for his own personal purposes. When he was busted for his actions and branded for them he vowed revenge by seeking an alternative to the ring he once wore. Thus, finding a yellow source he was able to relive his power and become a fierce pain in the corps’ side.

I took his name and broke it down because it matched me. You can say it came directly from him just removing the “est”. The “S” in the name represents my last name then the “Ro” is the first two letters of my middle name. S-in-Ro. Simple huh?

The 2nd source is my love for hip-hop. I’m a b-boy as much as I’m a comic buff. One particular group helps me influence the name even more. The Alkaholiks were a group I slept on for the longest till the 3rd album “Likwitdation” which is a favorite album of mine. The Members E-Swift, Catastrophe a.k.a. Tash & J-Ro (its clicking now aint it?) are definitely a group that I admire and seeing how J-Ro rocked his name I felt mine was just as catchy as well.

I also considered making it an Acronym as well. In the hip hop world we all know the essentials like:

• Notorious B.I.G. = Business Instead of Game
  


• B.I.B.L.E = BASIC INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE LEAVING EARTH
  


• K.R.S. O.N.E = KNOWLEDGE REIGNS SUPREME OVER NEARLY EVERYONE


• G.U.R.U. = GIFTED UNLIMITED RHYMES UNIVERSAL


• G.O.A.T. = GREATEST OF ALL TIME
  


• Fat J.O.E. = Jealous Ones Envy
  


• Goodie Mob= Good Die Mostly Over Bullshit


• Murs = Making Underground Records


• Big Daddy Kane = King Asiatic Nobody's Equal


• ThugLife = The Hate U Gave Lil' Infants Fuck Everybody


• C.R.E.A.M. = If you don’t know this one already you’re an Idiot

Etc. We could go on. So being inspired by that, I’ve messed with mines for a long while. I’ve come up with a few let me share them with ya:

• S.I.N.R.O. = Simple Intellectual Needlessly Regulating opposition


• S.I.N.R.O. = Stealin on Ignant Niggaz Right da fugg Out
  


• SIN.RO. = Sincerely Rosean (My middle name)
  

It’ll take a while till I find something simple enough to stick with,
but its fun making them up though.

Depression’s a bastard.

The school district is calling me now asking if im gonna come back for the new year. I don’t want to at all, but I need the money. And going to school is not helping me. I get so tired of them bastard running me ragged and the only way I have to work off my frustrations and headaches is rest. But because of school I get none. I found myself struggling to stay awake. When days got really bad I said fuck them and turned down their calls even though I needed the money badly. I feel if I have to go back then shit is gonna change. I'm changing grades definitely. No more 6-8. Damn, why am I even saying this at all? I got plenty of papers I never read on my kitchen floor I haven’t really looked at the job ads in months. When I do its bullshit because most of the ads are done by fucking temp agencies. I feel like a fuckitall mood lately, like im not built for this world.

Katisha asking me if I’ve called back on the jobs that ive applied to and I told her no. I don’t have to call them back when all I get is a thank you letter. I'm frustrated man. I'm starting to understand why dude go to crime. I feel like I wanna cop my fathers' revolver and play stickup for a while to keep my rent paid. I've been so depressed that the numbers of females I have been getting I haven’t called once. What the fuck am I gonna tell them. I wanna go out with ya but im broke. Broads hear that all the time or something similar and I need to come correct. I don’t see that time coming soon. I just watched Hustle & flow and I gotta say I was never a pimp or dealer but I could relate to DJay's struggle. When he ran game to Skinny black and found out he pissed on his demo, that shit was real to me because it put me in a zone of how these companies do your resume. You wanna tell them check me out, give me a chance and in their drunken stupor they murmur "suck my dick, bitch" then the ass beatings commence.

With all the venting aside, I hope I land something soon. In the meantime im drowning my sorrows with Sparks.

Mother convicted of prostituting 14yr old daughter

Thats some sick sad shit. The poor girl cgnna be conflicted on who to hate, her mother or men in general. Especially if she's only worth $20-$50 a lay.

This little problem will bother me for the longest. The css page code shows up well in IE but refuses to work at all in FF. Not to mention the Fade script. I'll get to the bottom of it. eventually.

Ive met a couple of people from what was formally New Orleans. I asked them will they go back and they refused to. They claim there's better opportunity here than in the nawl. I heard also that some companies are re-establishing or should I say creating jobs for those who want to stay in their "temp" states. Here, I am still struggling to land a permament one. Maybe i should claim im from N.O. aquire a more southern accent and move there.

To look for a job relocating is looking more attractive right now. Yet I can’t leave until I settle some things like what should I do with all my comic boxes. What state will keep me working once I live there? Y’see the goal is to go where the cost of living is low and the demand for black men like me is high. (Heh) I have a lady friend in Denver and she’s told me already if I move there she’ll help me out. I appreciate that plus she fine enough for me to do it, even with her 3 kids. Gotta find something first though…

The police in my town are on some bullshit. Fuck them 4 real. The lil hoods are still shooting dice on my back porch and a brotha’s sick & tired of telling them to get off my property constantly. I went to the department and filled out a perimeter check for the building for 2 weeks. After I filled them out I expected them to come out ever hour or so. They still don’t do it and that bothers me. If there was a murder they'd be there lickety-split since homicides are all they respond to. I have to be built for bodies to get them to come around. hate this place.

I’m heading back to school in January, im glad about that.

To keep bills paid im back to Subbing, unfortunately there acting funny with my money and after 2 years with the district, cut $10 of my daily pay. I cram to understand. I do have an interview and a phone interview this week. I need all the good fortune I can get.

Game of the month: MK: Shaolin Monks
Album of the moment: Maspyke – Static

Bigups 2 Frank a.k.a. Luke Cage for letting me know there was a problem with the comments. I didn’t even know.

R.I.P. Nipsey Russell - Ateeeni, Ateeni...

What are the four (4) things you say most often?
Yeah, Ha!, No & uh huh!

What are four (4) things you hope to do this weekend?
Eat, Sleep, Play games, afford gas.

What are four (4) things you wish you could do right now?
Bone, make money, Travel & Bone

What are four (4) things that turn you on?
Phat asses, Sexy voice, Big nipples, Pettite bear hugs (i'll get into that in a minute)

Drinking away the pain with a bottle or Rum (Arrr...) saturday night, Left me with a sick as a dog hangover the next day. I dont even remember posting in my blog that night, Im definelty not drinking that much again. I know 2 people in my life (my brother & Katisha) will be pleased about that.

Pinned between a rock and a hard place is how I feel about this situation. The school district that I sub at all of a sudden deducted $10 off my daily pay. A fellow sub also got the cut and called the district on that ol’ give it back or I leave. I don’t blame him. When I saw my check I was floored because they have done the same to me as well. I was gonna let it go and throw it off as their mistake and let it slide. The depression within me loves to do that, yet due to my past the saying the “the door with the most squeaks gets the grease” never really worked for me. I was made the example by many supervisors/managers because of my take-charge attitude and being outspoken. I feel if I speak up it will be no different. I’m so tired of looking like the loser with no backing. I decided to fight it and called the district about it. At the same time in not going to give them an ultimatum since this shit is all I got right now.

I was pretty busy with interviews last week that looked futile to even go to and fucking with these temp agency pimps who love to tell you that there’s no work, yet my boys are receiving assignments like crazy. Damn, sorry for being a big black man who looks intimidating trying to get back into white collar when I’ve been labeled as blue collar. It’s been a good 2 years since I’ve worked professionally and a brotha’s starting to think he’s been blackballed in some way.

I still got the young niggas on my back door step shooting dice. The police refuse to do anything because its not a “real emergency” The policeman that gave me his card is never reachable. My mother claims to have paid for a new gate to be set up with steel bars to keep them out. There supposed to start next week and her excuse is that nobody pays their rent on time to act immediately. Phhht.

To ease my nerves I’m Rocking Ninja Gaiden Black. I may have to play ninja dog (Very easy)
Album of the week is Jungle Brothers – Done by the forces of Nature

Its about time to see A team from the Chi come out and represent. It's also a special treat to see my southside White sox make it to the World series! Y'know I truly felt the cubs would get this far faster than they would. I guess the fact we have no 1908 curse to worry about (heh).Although there are still those who claim Cubs till they die, it makes me wonder if we had only one baseball team like our basketball and hockey teams would our city be so divided?
I realize alot of black folks in the hood dont feel baseball, I guess its because its a "white" sport. If its not Football or Basketball were not paying attention to it. Thanks to my fathers side of the fam who are baseball nuts im more receptive to it.

5 more games and we da champs! GO SOX! SOUTH SIIIIIIDE!

I finally got off my ass and took down the ISDN codes of all the books I owned and i'm now begininning to post them on Half.com. I'm starting with the old books first. Then i'll start posting all the DVD's I dont want anymore. I've posted 6 books already, 40 to go; there mostly old version Photoshop books I originally bought to improve my skills without going back to school. Now i realized i couldve saved money just going to school. I'll put a link to my "shoppe" later.

Song(s) of the Week: Madvillain - Fancy Clown & Channel Live ft. KRS-ONE - Mad Izm

Rapist Makes Victim Write Him A Check

He was caught while trying to Cash a Personal check. LMAO Guess he wasnt gonna take Food stamps...

My new game addiction is The Warriors. It helps flesh out the characters and how they came to be. CANNNNNN YOUUUU DIIIG IIIIIIIIIT!

A pat on my back goes out to me for surviving a whole week without work & stretching $10 (7 went to gas, 3 went to Mickey D’s).

Another week went by without work again. I’m gonna fulfill the news schools wishes and get fingerprints done. It’s like whenever I apply at schools to be a sub they all ask for something different every time. Which reminds me i need to go back for my TB results. With my luck i'll have to do it again.

The gate is 90% done in the backyard and all are pleased. Yet the niggas are still coming from the one side, smoking and shooting dice. When the last part of the gate is done the trespassing should (reiterating should) stop.

Ol’ girl still emailing me thinking im not feeling her at all. I’m gonna have to gather what funds I got and take her out. I just wish I could be more financially secure before I hook up with someone.

The company that I took a test for hasn’t got back to me yet. Typical

I just met a family from Louisiana looking for a home. The parents had 9 kids and they wanted to live above me. To make things worse they reeked of urine something awful. The money they had to offer they could’ve at least washed up. I wish them the best.

Song of the week: Louis Logic - Idiot Gear

Why are they creating another Police Academy after all these years?

Why did they choose Sticky for the Blade ongoing series.

Why do niggaz brag about serving 80 years in prison like its shit to be proud of?

Why peeps still fuckin with Myspace when theres viruses being spread through it?

How could Eddie Guerrerro die so young? (R.I.P.)



Will they do Johnny Blaze Justice?

Midget Got back! Nobody cant tell her nuttin, she know she sexy! Look at dudes, they got a look on they grill considering if they'd hit it. At least she wouldnt have to get on her knees LMAO! :twisted:

I aint gonna admit it but..
I'm not much of a cook on my own without a microwave and had to eat burnt Rice-A Roni. Joy.

I turned down 2 invites to a bar my (ex)boss and baby brother offered. Even though they claimed they would pay for my drinks. I wouldnt let them do that. I'm older than the both of them i should be buying their drinks especially for my little bro. I dont want to mooch off anyone.

I got a phone interview with a company in schaumburg, It went well although everytime I say that i dont get the gig.
Being so far away it would interfere with with school but I went for broke. Its been 2 years now that I havent had a permament job.

I keep telling myself i'll call ol' girl but its true like the title of the book says. I'm just not that into her.
I want to keep her as a friend but I dont want her to believe anything will really happen.

GUN is a tight ass game. Playing it i keep thinking of my father since his favorite genre of flicks are westerns.

Introducing Trapped in The Closet Cliff notes. For the ignantly confused.

After watching Todays' Family guy I cant get the PEANUTBUTTER+JELLY TYME song out my head. (Maybe because I eat alot of them lately)

Got a dilemma hoping someone can offer some input on how to deal with it.
Reader should know that ive been unemployed for the last couple of year and I’ve been surviving through subbing and work/study. Shit happens and now all I got is my subbing but im not guaranteed work everyday. Anyway after struggling for months on popcorn & Ramen; I have an interview with a job in the far north of the city. Now here’s where the drama sets in. Everyone knows I need a permanent job. BADLY. The distance by car is 1 ½ hours but by public transportation is 4 hours (yes). Since my car isn’t new, the eventual wear and tear on my car will cost me. Public transportation will keep me from going back to school next semester. The pro is the experience i will recieve doing this gig. Considering those problems my issue is it worth going to? I'm going to the interview and no matter the decision i'll make I will regret.

1. I have little or no patience when it comes to Clues and hints.
2. I wish I could spend more time learning how to make beats.
3. The most productive thing I accomplished this past weekend was clean my bathroom.
4. The most enjoyable thing I did this weekend was beat Shadow The Hedgehog.
5. I've always wanted to learn how to become a producer.
6. If money wasn't an issue, I'd buy an 32-40" LCD HDTV.
7. I blog because I enjoy it.

When someone tells you "I'm not like the rest. I do not treat men/woman like that. I do not play games!" Do you believe them?
No, because im all about action. I dont have to tell you i'm not like other men becasue i'll show you and thats what I rather see.

"If you could turn back time" What would you do different?
There are a few things i'd like to change but in the long run there so insignificant in my view. Maybe i'll talk about those thing later on.

Is there anything sexually that you do wont do?
No handcuffs, spankings or whips. no fingers up the ass either.

Do you date women of other races or strictly date black women?
I prefer dating sistas but I end up with girls of other races. lol

Could you ever marry outside your race?
I wont rule it out.

What time do you get up in the mornings for work?
6 am

What time do you get up on days you can sleep in?
10 or 11 am

What was the FIRST DVD you purchased?
The first one I ever purchased was a interactive movie called "I'm your man"

What was the LAST one you purchased?
The last one I bought was an anime series called "Sadamitsu: The Destroyer":

What will be the NEXT DVD you purchase?
The Sin City Special Edition DVD

If anyone needs a new Monitor im selling one on craigslist. here

Monday was the day things changed. My 2nd interview with the president went smoothly. I came home to recieve a phone call from the company 2 hours after we met. Today after I taught 5th graders (who were very good today so I knew something was up) I came straight home and returned their call. It was then the pres offered me the job. A sigh of relief and joy came accross my face for this was a long time coming. I start friday. the pay is kinda low but growth in the firm is high and they will reinburse me for my traveling through tolls. I instantly told the 2 favorite ladies in my life that I landed the gig. I'm gonna still go to my other interview tomorrow morning. Its only a part time gig anyway and asd much as i would like to work both people are already telling me it would kill me. Anyway celebration is in order 4 sho'

1. Do you like birthdays? Do you celebrate them? Why/why not?

I try to celebrate them. Its the anniversary of life why wouldnt you want to? I also make sure that if i know its someones birthday I try to definetly wish them one.

2. What's the best thing about turning another year older? What's the worst?

You feel more mature when your a year older. Its like something's telling you that youve reached another level. The worst is the feeling that you havent accomplished what you wanted at your previous age.

3. Have you ever had trouble with a certain number birthday (21, 25, 30, 40)? If so, why? How'd you handle it?

Well I feel now that i've hit 30 this is the age im still coming to terms with. Especially since i'll be 1 year older next month. I wish i could stay 28-29 much longer. Thbere were times when i taught the kids asked me how old I was I wouldnt outright tell them i'd let them guess. I'd stop them at 29. I still see myself that old. I also realize in a way I am lying. Now I under stand why some ladies lie about their age.

Bonus: If you could take a guess, how old do you think you'll live to be?

Thats something in the future I dont even want to think about. Living day to day suits me fine.

Everyone should stand and give a final applause in his memory. Without him any other black comedians wouldnt have gotten where they are. Man, imma miss you! I hope heaven rolls in laughter when you appear.

This site tries to explain the Fall of Chappelle's Show. The theory is far-fetched but interesting read: The chappelle theory

Thankfully I wasn’t down for long. I just got paid and I was able to cover some of my immediate small debts (like this one in particular) and get on the road to being straight again.

The jobs good but hella slow. Nobody’s calling for help around the holidays and its worrying me if it'll pick up. I know it will cuz they wouldn’t have hired me for nuttin. The commute adds up to 100 miles a day, 50 to and 50 back. I'm told that the company has an office downtown and once I get the hang of things they'll try to put me there. I hope they do. My used car is already at 100,000 and gaining.

The commute drains me and as soon as I hit home I go straight to my room. My brother thinks im depressed and won’t believe otherwise. Since I don’t drink coffee I try to perk up by taking Vitamin B complex pills and trying out that 5 hour energy drink (potent shit!). They work, no doubt but when I wake up I feel groggier than before. Go figure. Anyway i got sum shit opn my mind i wanna try out on here and starting tomorrow i'll do that.

Just found out my Cuz got his own on Blogger. Some of his ideas are dope enough for me borrow. I asked him too. He just laughed. He thinks I’m kiddin...

*** BTW: Good Lookin Out Sun! :) ***

Sittin here Bored at the job, reading the dating articles on MSN, coz I need lots of help :). I was peeping their entry on the 5 types of women to date. Now I reviewing it with a friend she claims she’s all in one because she’s been in most of those roles except one. I figured she would go there and as I read the types of women it shows how inexperienced I am. I really don’t have anybody to blame but me but at the same time it’s like the women I come across have the problem and not me. Sheeit, don’t get me wrong I have problems I’m self conscious of like any other person. Realizing I’m a single black male with a good job live away from my parents w/ no kids and my own place why am I having trouble? But to find the reason within me as to why im so unlucky is hard to pinpoint. Let me get right to the list of ladies and my experiences with all of them in a direct or indirect way.

Type #1: The Older Woman
I’ve tried to date a few older women especially when I was younger than I am and when it came down to was 2 reasons. I was unattracted to them or just flat out intimidated by them. Y’see currently there’s a female 6 years older than me and the main element that intimidated me when I was 23 is now menial at 30. The older women I meet that are into me have no problem telling me how horny they are. Hell, I was 22 when I officially lost the big “V” and because of the experience did to my ego; I was ready to become a monk and do away with sex altogether but that was the loser route in my view and when talking to these women it just came down to not being ready to give what these ladies wanted. The pipe wasn’t ready to lay so to speak. Then there’s the fact that they may be divorced w/ kids with something else altogether. The current lady im not feeling physically, but her sweetness is making me weak and she proved that when we were at the theatre and I got the chills and she snuggled on me to warm me. I wasnt expecting that.

Type #2: The Guy’s Girl
I feel this is the female who likes what I like, yet I have yet to find her while most of my boys are quick to get them somehow and marry them. I can’t call it. The closest chance I had to having one I blew it because I didn’t realize the hints she was giving me. I usually end up with the opposite the “girly girl” who without fail love to rip on me when I’m not around about our date. I’ve learned to avoid any broad who claims their one.

Type #3: The Free Spirit
Again another type of woman that eludes me because their quick to give hints and I just don’t get them till years later. For me to find a lady like this would go hand in hand with the so called “Guys’ girl” and someone who knows my view of being open-minded without having to explain.

Type #4: The Brainy Chick
Well I would love a brainy chick, someone to help me learn something different but at the same time won’t take on the persona that she’s better than me or try to control/shape me to fit her. If she feel’s she has to “dumb herself down to my level” then take your Einstein ass and find someone who has a better I.Q. That’s a particular problem I have when it come to those kinds of broads.

Type #5: The Seductress
HA! Gotta laugh at this one. Now in my case I’ve never been that lucky to have a lady want to be sexy for me. The majority of this type I’ve seen I classify as straight out hoes & bitches. Naw, just bitches coz they fucked everyone around them but me. LOL

Yeah, that pretty much summed up my experiences with those personalites in a nutshell, although they may sound bitter because i shouldnt roll baggage over when that person finally comes along. I'm working on that.

Fugga resolution because there never followed. Instead I create plausible goals for myself to help focus upon the New Year.

MONEY
I will start a savings account for myself.
I will try to pay off all my small debts under $1000 by the end of the year.
I will get my certifications to help my career.
I will finish what I started and get my masters.
I will sell all the books, toys and movies I do not want, need or use any more

LIFE
I will try to designate my weekends and holidays as eat whatever the fuck I want.
I will try to eat healthier during the week
I will try to get more exercise in during the weeks
I will try to leave the house more and go to get-togethers and parties without the fear of it being my last.
I will try to spread positivity toward people around me and at least say hello more often.
I will try to no longer give my opinion and advice unless someone asks for it.
I will try to care about my appearance more inside and out.
I will try to keep my Place tidier.
I will try to seek out what’s happening in my city and when possible become apart of it.

LOVE
I will try to lower my defenses to let a female into my life.
I will try to not assume every lady who wants to be more than a friend to me will hurt me mentally and/or financially.
I will try to lower my standards and realize the woman i'm after ultimatly doesnt exist.
I will try to seek a lady for how she treats me more than how she looks.

Notice how each line starts with "I will try" becasue thats the realness in me to make sure that they get done with no guarantees. Now to put them in action...

Just a random list:

• Racism & financial status goes hand in hand
• Most types of popular music aren’t created for adults these days, or the intelligent for that matter.
• I’m tired of putting up with bullshit and my tolerance lever is lowering.
• My lust for thick light skinned women is my true preference.
• I do not have to keep seeking for a higher paying job to handle my debts all at once.
• Deactivated Cell phones can still be used for emergencies by law.
• Procrastination is my best friend.
• You never know how someone truly cares about you till their upset for something you did.
• I get so pumped from listening to music at times I wanna cry and break shit at the same time.
• Some conditions can be cured just by losing weight
• I’m too shy for my own good.
• True satisfaction & success is not attained without a plan
• Our President is "special"
• Spammers are the worst salesmen/women ever
• I cant wear a glove on my right hand when I'm using it.
• I think i'm cold blooded
• Police in my neighborhood are lazy fucking idiots unless its murder & ticket quota time.
• Niggas use my neighborhood to hustle & run like rats once cops come
• Its hard To handle bills when you only work 2 days every 2 weeks.
• The love of money isnt truly the root of all evil. Monopolized capitalism is.
• Sattelite radio pays the FCC
• That Oscar went to Jamie's head. I guess no more comedies...

I got to finally work at my company’s downtown office its no bigger than a janitor’s utility room. Even though I have no problem walking it was cool that the client was a block away. After that was finished I walked strait to Pockets for lunch. This is what im talking bout! My manager had some words for me and it seems like I’m making more mistakes which I have to be more cautious and aware of what I do. I aint trying to lose what I just got.

My co-worker took me for a trip to the Southside and riding down Stony Island I saw a White lady walking a dog. I thought I’d never see the day. He stopped by a friend of his and warned him about me (I’m bringing a giant with me, heh) it was all good. I sat by and absorbed game from the both of them. There both aspiring producers and I always wanted to become a producer or dj (whichever comes first.) What bugged me out was that the brotha looked like he was 29 may 32 at the most but he was 44! I asked what I need to do to become like him. He doesn’t eat meat (strike one) He doesn’t drink either (strike two) I didn’t need to hear any more. Aw well.

For some reason I now want a Sirius radio receiver. I’ve been looking up the shit all day. I’m gonna get a new mp3 player in the next few months as well. (Either an iPod video or a Creative Zen Vision: M 60 GB) and I wish there was a way to combine the two but I feel that’s far off than we can expect.

I’m gonna start buying a piece of clothing a week for my job and im in need of new slacks.

My Pops B-day was yesterday I left him a message and figgured he was being taken out by one of his ladies. Then he dropped the TMI that he was trying to keep her at his place... LAWD! Its still kinds funny after all these years that me and my parents have our birthdays on the same month. One down, guess who's next?

My bro got him a new girl to call him I hope she’s the one for him but she plays on my phone. It pisses me off doing childish shit like hanging up when I pick up the phone. My bro claims that her cell phone doesn’t work cuz she does it to him. My question then was why does she keep using it? Her mother won’t let her use the home phone at certain hours. I hope that’s the truth and I apologized for cussing her out because of it. Now when I do hear her voice she gets all nice and polite asking me “how am I”? I don’t even know her name. A simple hello before asking anything would suit me fine.

She’s back in my life again. I couldn’t get her out of my mind and she’s back again. I’m back to making plans to come out to see her and I feel it’s only gonna end up with me hurt again. I never claimed I knew anything about love but at the same time if we do become a couple; I could end up doing stuff I already said many times I wouldn’t do. What you know bout it?

1. Woke up at my usual time, but not as groggy
2. Watched the news for 10 minutes before getting up; thankful that the weather will be good today. Perfect present 4 me! I hope to enjoy some of it before dark.
3. Said a little prayer to thank the most high for helping me live this long
4. Put on my hygiene & my clothes
5. Put up my phone and saw that my moms called while I was in the bathroom
6. Checked my bank account to see I haven’t been paid yet. DAMN! No Portilillos!
7. Rode out to work
8. Decided to turn off Mancow and rocked Luke’s “Its your Birthday” off my Lyra before arriving at work
9. Also thought about the Playa track off Timbaland’s album.
10. Parked kinda crooked to avoid the geese shit lying around everywhere.
11. Walked into the office and started typing
12. Just realized I didn’t take my vitamin, Claritin or antacids today.
13. Expecting 6 people to call me today: Moms, Dad, Brother, Katisha, Vee & Michelle. Minus 2 I’m feeling.
14. Wish it was Friday so I could drink.
15. I know my brother’s gonna ask me that when he calls.
16. Gotta try to save my money for my moms’ b-day in 2 weeks I know she’s gonna want something big now that I’m working.
17. I’ll send ‘chelle flowers over the weekend. That’ll make her melt. 
18. Cuz had the dope idea to type out ya thoughts for the day.
19. Thx Paul Wall & Nelly for making Grillz a new fad now. Any muhfuggas that rock them deserves to get robbed.
20. So Bumpy J robbed a label mate and fucked up his deal at the same time. Explains why I haven’t heard shit from him lately. Thought he was gonna blow this year.
21. No I.D’s an A&R for Jermaine Dupree?! Wow.
22. Learned about a program that kills the hard drive and wipe it clean. I’ll take it don’t think I’ll ever use it.
23. Co-worker’s hooking me up with Certification practice tests. I gotta remember to hook him up with web templates I got.
24. Slow ass day as usual. Just how I like it.
25. Combing my hair in the washroom I saw a white piece of lint in my right temple.
26. The lint wouldn’t come out
27. OMFG! It’s a grey hair!
28. And another one!
29. I’m too young for this shit!
30. Better that I still have my hair than to lose it at an early age like my fam on my fathers’ side.
31. These new powder “just add water & shake” drinks are nice & quick but there either too bland or too sweet for me.
32. Gonna cop me some gourmet popcorn. Cheese, White cheddar, Barbecue & Nacho!
33. Found some Tylenol Sinus & 2 acid reducer pills in my book bag. Glad I brought it!
34. Should I get a Chocolate Peanut Butter cup pie or Oreo?
35. I got my Pie! it was that FIRE!!!
36. 3 hours left
37. STILL HAVENT GOTTEN PAID!
38. Guess I’ll rock Whoppers tonight and then Portillos & Harolds on the weekend!
39. Now I want sumthin from the Cheesecake Factory.
40. Got a call from everyone but K & my bro!
41. Had to settle for White Castle for My birthday dinner.
42. Feel like doing my own bad boy birthday line
43. Matter of fact im gonna!
44. I’ll write it out
45. It may sound lame & sad im doing it for myself to myself.
46. I don’t give a fuck!

Excuse me while I ill out for a moment.

Putting all my thoughts down of last week as a list.

1. I’m going to hold off on those flowers for chelle’ she acting funny style.
2. Cold stone got that bomb ice cream
3. My copy of Tom Yum Goong wont show subs on my computer
4. Guess I’ll have to rock it on my x-box
5. These Indian women be having some cool interesting names, I try to ask their race but they wont tell
me. I guess cuz im not one of them.
6. I’m gonna need a power purge on my ride sooner than I thought.
7. My bro calls his “girl” snowflake! LMAO
8. Why won’t he bring her over?
9. She must turn to stone at night…
10. Got my moms curious about her now she wants to know about her.
11. I told her it’s no use since he’ll only lie to keep you out his personal life.
12. Yep 24 going on 16
13. my moms comp is fugged up w/ malware
14. It’s so screwed that none of the programs wont open, unless in safe mode.
15. I won’t have time or energy to repair till the weekend.
16. K finally called and apologized refutably
17. I accepted her apology and forgave her
18. although she kept pushing because she thinks my tone of voice says otherwise
19. I gotta stop taking this Horny goat weed
20. A pill as day makes the porn come out to play. Lol
21. I bought 2 action figures at Kay-Bee on clearance; I’m going to put them up on eBay soon.
22. Along with my other shit I wanna sell too.
23. I’m expecting 4 W2 forms for last year.
24. I only got one so far
25. Where the rest at?
26. Bought some jolly ranchers to bring to work.
27. Keep them in a bowl on my desk.
28. gotta get to walmart for some raid defoggers
29. I’m going to war on these bastards
30. What a segue huh?
31. damn its been a month without playing anything
32. Samurai Showdown 4 is coming out soon enough
33. that’ll bring me back 4’sho!
34. using veggie oil to try and remove some old stickers
35. it aint working
36. Do I have to drown the damn thing?
37. guess I’ll have to buy some 90% rubbing Alcohol

Guess thats it...

I saw it coming, but I didn’t expect it to be this soon. My manager and Pres sat me down and let me know I was laid off due to lack of work. I hoped it wasn’t because of me. I packed my shit up and my bowl of Jolly Ranchers and got to stepping. My co-workers all said goodbye to me and that they knew already. As I drove home, I went through a variety of emotions and rock music from Simply Red – Holding back the years to Nas’ Made you look remix till my ears rang. Parked in my ride and told my bro and moms the bad news. Aw well, back to teaching.

Now that a brothers at full circle again, I wonder if this year will be a good one. So far it’s sucking a big fat one. I’m not trying to get depressed and move on and try to make something happen. I need to prove to everyone around me that I am the #1 man. I’m going to reassess my goals and then attack them like never before. These years are like a tight little opening and I got to augment my wedge to break through. I’m going to find a way. I went to my school and asked the Administrator is there are any more openings and she let me know I’m too late for that. What’s worse is that im much too late for registering for school. Subbing is now going to be my only way to survive now. Next week, im going to apply to a few more districts and go for unemployment if I can get anything since I owe them money. Now that I’m unemployed again I’m ready to throw the women I’m talking to, to the side. I stand by the saying “romance with no finance is a damn nuisance” HA! But let me keep it real with myself that there really is nobody; it’s always been 99 problems and a broad aint... Well you know.  I’m gonna spend this weekend creating a Myspace page, working on my Cuz music site (finally) and trying to fix my moms computer. finally get my ebay site running selling all my shit i dont need no more. Yep, that's the plan.

I accepted a month long gig subbing. I hope I don’t regret this decision. Maybe its gods’ will for me to become a teacher. I don’t know.

Her and I have been tight lately. It’s so funny how we like the same things. I keep in touch with her throughout the day and make sure I hear her voice at night b4 I got to bed. We’ve been in our first argument so far, and because of the subject that we cleared up after we cooled off was minor. All I know is that this long distance relationship thing sucks, and this time im not gonna stay here, let her slip away and wonder what could be. I’ll be visiting her next month and by summer I’ll make my decision if I want to move there permanently. I probably will, I have nothing holding me back here and maybe I need a change.

I won a Sirius receiver on eBay for $20 less than buying it at a store. Just my luck a 2nd one I was interested in was won after mine for $40 less than what im paying for. I hate when shit like that happens.

I took my clothes to a Laundromat and see if I’m saving money there instead of doing it home. What I’ve come to find out is that depends on where you go. Most places in my area do give free drying after you wash. The particular place I went to didn’t. As a matter of fact they were expensive muthafuggas!!3.00 for one load! Aint that a bitch! It’ll be the last time I go there to get any clothes washed. Damn most of my clothes got holes the size of shotgun blasts. I gotta go shopping.

I don’t know man but I think I saw this coming. I was sat down today by the superintendent letting me know that they have filled the Gym teacher position and that I didn’t “fit in.” I have no doubt in my mind it was that old ass teacher who snitched on me, override my orders in his presence, disliked me and wanted me to get out of there. I am younger than them all and I felt jealousy was the key. I’m back to unemployment and being on call for work day to day. I felt they didn’t give me a chance to get to know all of their names. Once that was done I would’ve had them in my palm. I have to return to signing applications and submitting resumes while getting my measly Unemployment check. Nevertheless, I look forward to my vacation next month regardless. The outlook of having money now does not look good but I’m gonna take a chance and enjoy myself. I realized I planned my trip around the time my baby bro was going to have his party at the club downtown. I’ll have to let him know I won’t be able to make it. K has advised me to make out a list of what I’ll need to bring along with me. I’ve been fighting a cold for the past 5 days so I didn’t take any of it down. I only remember things here and there. I take down what I do and ask again for what I don’t. My moms already telling me if I got money to go on a vacation then I got money to pay on the 1st. HA! Whatever.

My lady wanted to know what "Skeet Skeet" meant. All her black friends refused to tell her. I felt since we're in a temporarly long distance relationship i'd tell her. Now she's wiser. Plus, she told me thats what i'll be doing once she puts it on me. lol!

Denver was dope!

I truly felt at home and enjoyed what I could encounter. I went to the Stanley Hotel Where the Shining was filmed. It was very misleading from the movies. No outside maze. Room 217 was at the end of the hall on the 2nd floor in all its spookiness. Their snowstorms are milder than here since the mountains absorb most of the wind and ice so the city gets none but they do need salt trucks. The clubs were live too. A multiracial club that plays only hip-hop! Totally a different experience than the segregation in the Chi. Since its the west coast They rocked old school West coast hip-hop and recent stuff on the radio. They love Sean Paul & Twista ova there. Taggers didnt give a fuck spraying every bulding with something. I was just glad to see no gang signs. The city's more spread out, I dig it. I got a feeling this city is more like a "what you know" than a "who you know" when it comes to employment. Plus the cost of living is low I could get a apt for 400 a month. I'm definetly coming back if not permantly.

Would I move out there no doubt! It won’t be as soon as I thought though. The female whom I foolishly called my gf played me. She basically used me to help out her house and kids. We barely spent any time together. Our last night together she told me I was too slow for her and wasn’t man enough for her and her kids. I felt she wanted a robot and needs psychiatric help. She compared me to her father saying I wasn’t and couldn’t be him. I wasn’t trying to. She wanted someone to take the ball and run and I’m not like that, I needed to feel everyone out. After helping clean the house of her nasty ass ant and bedbug infested house she chews me out for keeping the windows open the whole time. I'm back in the chi, been single, broke as hell, unemployed and now a little heartbroken. I don’t regret going at all yet I do feel rejection on a whole new level. I come home to an email telling me what was between us was over and to not contact her again in any way. What kind of childish Bullshit is that? She couldt tell me this to my face? She couldnt call me to tell me this? I don’t have anything else to say to her anyway. I'm glad I didn’t fuck her. I got a fresh box of cond...

AHEM. Sorry I let the bitterness come out too much.

So why do I feel after 5 days elsewhere everyones changed but me? hmmn...

I decided to get my old blog Rapturephobia from blogger since im never gonna be able to get my domain back and import all my entries into this blog. It also shows I aint new to this.Once I get money i'll be able to edit & tweak them. I'll also reflect on old posts and see how i've changed. Right now it might be another week before the site goes down. I'm gonna hustle my ass to labor ready for instant work to keep this up.

My weekend in Southern Illinois went smooth. I have to say the environment was really small being my first time there it got a little boring. All I really did was hang out at the malls since the frat parties at SIU were on punishment. I got to admit near the school was the best place to live if I were to move out there. I still feel it’s a nice place to visit but not live ultimately.

I have to say a big ego boost was through the ladies out there. Their southern twang and frequent flirting made a brotha feel good. Even if they were mostly White and mixed women, lol. There was on in particular tall mixed cutie that caught my eye and she wanted to get with me as well but we were cop blocked. The glaring i got made me feel wanted. Too bad its crystal meth central but I’m going back 4’sho!

The ride on Amtrak was uncomfortable at first it seemed that the staff had the bests seats for me to let my legs out (bastards, one sit down at a time and theres 8 seats!!!) the ride back was just the same although this time I had 2 seats all to myself. Minus the bitching ladies in front and back of me and the thugs who were in and out of the trains constantly, mackin stupid white broads for a quickie in the bathroom and ONE succeeded (No lie, i was as shocked as he was. well he was more refreshed afterwards). I'd still go back to chill though.

I’m back in school working and attending. I feel good about it. I only have a good 26 hours right now but it’s a start. I hope this can last longer this time I’m gonna do my best to keep my grades up. They also contacted me thru mail letting me know that my resume is in further review due to my talents equaling 80%. I’m praying everyday that I land it, it would be a blessing.

I’m going out more than ever, in all my years I’ve never had this much fun.
A brotha feels sexy again all these women are coming out expressing how much of a catch I am. And god (or devil) willing I wanna consider them all. I aint gonna lie, I love it!

Not being able to afford food made me lose a couple of pounds. I aint complaining!

Finally after 3 years, I have made my portfolio site live. Within a week or so I shall let everyone know that I’m available for projects. I’m considering checking out Guru and posting a ad on Craigslist as well.

My manager at the computer lab filled me in on a female I had a class with thats had the yearn to put it on me for a good while. I didn’t believe him till he called her and I overheard how she wanted to get with me. A brotha was blushin, Joe!

Ive been drinking alot of Vault lately. I've come to learn about myself that too much caffine helps makes me get angry faster and gives me a headache.

Inspired by Beats & Rants.

Four nicknames I've been given:
Baby Shaq
Knute
Brotha Ro' (My grandmother gave me that one, I cherish it.)
Big Muhfugga

Four movies I would watch over and over:
Ninja Scroll
Battle Royale I
Robocop: Directors Cut
Coonskin a.k.a. Streetfight

Four jobs that I have had in my life:
Pizza delivery boy
Hooters cook
Web designer
Warehouse Worker

Four TV shows I like to watch:
Robot Chicken
TNA Wrestling
Cant Get a Date
SNL

Four places I have been on vacation:
Denver
Southern IL
London, Canada
----

Four things I could NOT live without:
Money
Music
Chocolate
Water

Four of my favorite foods:
Grilled Chicken Ceasar Salad
Steak
Pizza
Chunky Chocolate Chip Cookies

Four places I would rather be right now:
In denver with a new good job and a female in my life.
In bed sleep
DJing a club
Inside a vertical smile

Four of my favorite rap artists:
Redman
A Tribe Called Quest
EPMD
GangStarr

**** BONUS ****

Four Ol' School tracks I love
Blackbyrds - Rock Creek Park
Rolls Royce - Wishing on a Star
Average White Band - A Love of Your Own
Fleetwood Mac - Dreams

I ran out of gas 4 blocks away from my crib. The nearest station was luckily 2 more blocks away. What made me more lucky was i recieved a ride from a cat who saw my predicament. I only had 5 bucks and it all had to go to my car to get to work. What stuck in my head the most is that when i thanked him he replied "Yeah man, we're not all savages here!"

List up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any ‘comment speculation’.

1. I ain't into you like that. Won't you take a hint?
2. The more i'm around you the dumber you seem.
3. I'mn gonna beat the shit out you.
4. Fuck your problems, joe
5. I lothe your views.
6. Just Talking to you aggravates me.
7. I would've done anything for and to you.
8. Do the shit ya cotdamn self!
9. Yeah, I wanna get with ya too. But we're blocked!
10. You too broke (ugly) to get with. I just like our convos.

This was a true 2 life argument with my family. If they cant do anything for me then leave me alone. I'd rather be homeless now. Hell, better off dead.

_____
"You know she reneged her offer on the rent."

"Shows how much you can trust her"

"Yeah I got bills and rent to pay and I ant making enough"

"Welcome to real life."

"I’m bustin my ass while you sit here and mooch off us all."

"You want money? Get a gun for me to rob folks. Everybody’ll get paid"

"Don’t do that, they be quick to throw your ass in jail!"

"Then either get me a job or all ya’ll stop coming to me with that bullshit. Just let me know when you need money I’ll get it."

"You'd get your ass locked up"

"Look where we live, They would'nt care unless I murder someone."
_____

Yeah, that was me. When you hit rock bottom you start to think crime is a way to go.

I warned a couple of people that this year, this quarter was gonna be Movie remake city.
What is it with hollywood that they've run out of ideas to work with and decided to only focus on revamping old ones. People should come out and say enough, yet the films come off as an all new flick. I aint buying it. At the same time i cant deny that some of the movies need to be redone. I welcome it but the bombarment of remakes is getting silly.

Anyone looking forward to the Omen remake? My views on it is neither here or there. I know by todays standards it will be more violent. Otherwise it'll be the same flick. Running Scared was the dopest flick i've seen so far. It was RAW!
I wont see king kong because i'm not feeling watching 3 hours of a 50 ft. gorilla trying to bone a 5 ft. white woman. It seems like the end of this trend is near and there letting more original stories come along. i.e. Snakes on a Plane LMAO!

Since the waters that were tested are cold and shallow. Im ending Myspacerip.com I did'nt consider that you have to be a friend of a imposter to comment. I plan to sell it dirt cheap, any takers?

I've gotten a new idea that i'm gonna put into effect. Just gotta secure the domain name, until then its under wraps.

I'm also gonna try and resubmit my resume with my name abbreviated along with a change in address (using my fathers) to see if i'm able to get more call backs for an interview. Two of my friends in different places (not the same state) have told me they wonder why a skillfull and well spoken man as myself that i'm unemployed. Hell, i'd like to know too. We shall seeif this makes a difference. Of course my negative moms asked "if you think there not hiring you out of predjudice & profiling, whats gonna happen when they do call and see your black." we'll just have to see if I get any calls first and then go from there.

I saw it on other blogs. I like it lets do this shit!

Accent: I talk white with chi-town slang Joe!

Booze: Mostly Sparks, or Carribbean pinnapple rum.

Chore I Hate: Dishes

Dogs/Cats: Dogs

Essential Electronics: Mp3 Player, Xbox, PSP, microwave

Favorite Perfume/Cologne: dont like to wear cologne, with my height I only attract insects

Gold/Silver: Usually neither. If i have to it'll be silver then perpertate like its Platinum

Hometown: Chicago IL - South Side

Insomnia: Not yet

Job Title(s): Unemployed

Kids: Not yet. I gotta be deemed fuckable first.

Living Arrangements: 2 bedroom apt in a building owned by my mother.

Most Admired Trait: by others? My height. by ladies? my eyes or my dimple.

Number of Sexual Partners: 3 if you'd call them that.

Overnight Hospital Stays: 3 times as a teen

Phobia: Bees, Wasps anything with a stinger.

Quote: Nobody's a sore loser till they lose too many times - Me

Religion: Raised as a baptist, fishing for new

Siblings: 2 brothers

Time I usually wake up: Now that i'm unemplyed after 10 a.m.

Unusual Talent: for a man or my height and girth (300lbs) i'm very stealthy.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Asparagus

Worst Habit: Procrastination is my best friend

X-Rays: Teeth far as I know

Yummy Foods I Make: Grilled Cheese, PB&J, Omletes

Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

I decided to put my faves of Prince on my Music blog. I went with tracks that arent heard as much. So NO PURPLE RAIN That album went Diamond everyone knows the songs ont here. So to those "true Prince fans" Name some songs when he looked like a greasy black jesus? huh? Anyway Enjoy.

Rick Vader vs Charlie Skywalker - Straight Comedy!

I just realized today marks the day I started blogging back in '01. 6 years and continuing. (pats on the back)

On a once in a week basis I talk to a brother who I don’t remember how it happens but we end up talking about how hard it is for black men to get a job in our city, Especially when it comes to white collar work. The talks always end up getting me depressed to the point I don’t feel like talking to anyone and I’m better off dead. I have to stop talking to that dude. I’m in bad shape as it is. Last week I decided to run a little experiment. I changed up my name a bit and used my fathers address to see if I would get more call backs than to use my regular name on my resume. On the real I didn’t think it would work but I started to get emails for phone interviews. I’m surprised it worked. Now im gonna rock it as long as I can till I land something but im not gonna stop there, I’m gonna put on my nerdish “talk white” voice I can to see if that’ll make a difference. Damn, can’t believe the shit worked.

Personally I felt im too broke to take somebody on and I stand by that. Don’t give me that "we can build together" BS because if it doesn’t look to you like im trying then your gonna think im not. Anyway a lot of brothers know this as well. But that aint stopping them. They get at girls regardless, yet they don’t say that they have a job. They let the females see for themselves and let them decide further down once the relationship (or relations) has become frequent. I always keep it Treal to the point if im poor than that’s how im dressing. I know by keeping it sloppy that I’m not material for nobody and right now that suits me fine. Summer should be a time to get up with someone. I'd rather get right with myself.

1. scent of lotion? - Unscented
2. drink? - Iced Tea, alchoholic: Sparks
3. TV show? - Animated: Robot Chicken, Drama: Windfall, Reality: Last Comic Standing
4. movie? at the moment: Running Scared (its RAW)
5. meal? Steak & Potatoes
6. shampoo? any made for men of color
7. moisturizer? whats that?
8. color? Navy blue
9. outfit? No.
10. day of the week? Right now: Wednsday

Name your favorite...

1. Candy: Reese's
2. Cookie: Dbl Chocolate w/ white chocolate chips
3. Donut: Chocolate Glazed
4. Cold drink: Cherry Pepsi
5. Hot beverage: Apple cider

Top 5 songs or albums that describe your current state of mind:

1. Alisha - Baby Talk: Communication is the key to any type of relationship. I'm learning everyday.

2. Fingers Inc. - Mystery of Love: something im glad i experienced yet still dont understand.

3. Kenny Lattimore - Days like this: Things aint going the way I want them to, and its fustrating.

4. Maspyke - No Big Deal: So much Bullshit goes on in the world but everyone thinks for themselves to much.

5. Loose ends - Dont Be a Fool: a word im using alot when im tired to explaining myself. The inspiration when im ready to give up all hope and find the inner cause within to keep going.

69 Questions to Start the Summer

1. Are you in a relationship??
No.

2. What's your current favorite song?
People Under the Stairs - Days Like This

3. How often do you visit your MySpace profile?
A good couple of times a day.

4. What is your favorite candy bar?
Reese's

5. What are your favorite shoes?
Any I can fit I am size 15 y'know.

6. Have you ever tripped going up steps?
Can't Remember, Probably did.

7. Do you have a vacation planned for this summer yet?
Not yet.

8. Would you bungee jump?
Hellz no!

9. Do you own a Fallout Boy CD?
No. I need to check them out though.

10. Do you like amusement parks?
Not really

11. Do you ride rollercoasters?
No I dont.

12. What is your current favorite CD?
Murs & 9th Wonder - Murrays Revenge

13. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
No.

14. When was the last time you were in the ocean?
last neverary.

15. Do you like beer?
No. Need Flava!

16. Would you kiss someone of the same sex?
No. (No Homo)

17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
The Simpsons - The sounds of Springfield

18. Are you sarcastic?
No, i'm amusingly droll...

19. Is there anything you wait for every summer?
For the heat to be over.

20. In your opinion, what is the best summer smell?
Dont know.

21. Socks and sandals?
Socks

23. What's one thing you really hope to do this summer?
Survive through it!

24. Do you like to go Mini-Golfing?
Nah

25. Are you moving this summer?
Dont think so

26. Are you going to be starting a new job this summer?
I hope so.

27. Have you ever slapped someone?
No. well yes, when I got into a fight in the winter back during my high school days. No gloves and hands were numb so all ya could do was slap.

28. Do you get poison ivy?
There's no real forests in the Chi. so no.

29. Do you plan on going camping this summer?
No thank you.

30. What was the last restaurant you ate at?
Red Lobster

31. Favorite pizza topping?
Pepperoni

32. Pants or shorts?
Shorts

33. Do you play any sports?
No but my out of shape ass needs to.

34. Do you use Chapstick?
No I got the LL whet my lips thing going on.

35. What were the last 3 movies you watched?
Runnin Scared (raw) MI3 (iight) and The Omen (WACK!)

I recently learned about this day. I may be late but its definetly something to be happy about for my people. For those that dont know about Juneteenth, visit the site and get edumacatid!

My mindstate is on Creative Hustle right now. I'm working on a new Mixtape with alittle help from some of my peeps for everyone to check out and working on my new layout for the blog. Give me a minute...

Religion: this certain conversation about me comes up a lot. Through many people down the years. There’s no doubt I have to tell people over and over “I’m not what you think I am” People are so quick to judge when they see you do certain things they don’t see others around them do. When I blow them away by telling them to think outside the box they shut up quickly. I’m a firm believer in showing instead of telling people of what you are.
I made a post about this before and my views still stand today. I‘m still fishing for one. I will never claim to be anything I can’t show in any physical way.

I recieved an interview by the Board of exchange! I'm estatic about it. I hope to land this one, its exactly what I want to do career wise. I happily told my brother and he counters with "Your gonna fail the interview and i'm gonna laugh in your face! ha ha aha!" this hatefull negativity disgusted me. I didn't know if I should've stole' on him or cussed him out.

Couple of hours later he got a call from his manager saying he's fired for leaving the store too early. Now he's bitching at me like I did it. Now I see what negativity can bring in your life. He's too young to see it right now though, give him a while. He got his in the nick of time though.

My mother/landlord let me and my brother know she’s giving us an eviction notice next week. Whatever, just another reason why ya shouldn’t do business with family.

My brother is calling the district manager trying to get his menial job back. It’s time for him to learn on his own that some battles you can’t win unless you’re in a position of power to make change. My baby cousin (his manager) lied on him to save her ass. Trifling piece of negroes, huh?

The board of exchange has let me know they have to reschedule the interview. I’m worried about that.

I’ve got the audio book of natural cures, it seems interesting. I’m putting his “diet” program to the test. I’m drinking more water and so far I know it working because my knees don’t hurt when I walk up the stairs. I need to get those cleansers though.

I really want to take a trip back to Carbondale. I know the females (the ones that met me)
would love to see me again.

I finally applied for education loan refinancing. I didn’t give into those salesmen rushing me to do it now. I did it when I was good and ready before deadline.

I plan once I get benefits through a gig I last longer than 3 months are that I get my right leg checked out to see if any future complications come about. Back in 96 when I worked for UBS I was hired as a loader/unloader. The officials saw that I was slower than the others and due to the union I was with they couldn’t get rid of me easily. They tried to put me on other shifts but they couldn’t use me either when all so they put me on crusty jobs like sweeping for small sort, stacking totes and working the garbage compactor.

Anyway, on my job as a Garbage compactor monitor I got the totes ready as well for some of the loaders to take away and use. This particular day this nut comes through with an 8 car caddy having a ball. He comes in and takes the totes away. He’s successful but then in a small corridor he tries to back up and turn around after 20 minutes he does but at my expense. The last car of his caddy ricochets off a metal pillar and hits me in the shin area of my leg. I grab my leg and lower to my knees the pain was kinda heavy to stand on it. The idiot hears me and get out his caddy and approaches me. “Did I hit you dude?”
“Hell yeah you hit me!”
“heh, uhh…Sorry man!”
Then he gets back in the caddy and drives off.

Five minutes later I try to continue to work on it thinking I have a high threshold for pain; but the throbbing & slight swelling sets in and that was that. I went to my manager at the time and the first sentence that comes out his mouth is “Can you still work?” whatever. I went home and for a good 5 days the swelling lingered. I didnt file a workers injury or anything which I know was my fault. I could walk but with a limp for a good 2 weeks. I even bought a cane to help myself. I did all that but see a doctor. By now I realize it was probably broken. Because I let it heal on its own without support, I hope it doesn’t make things bad for me as I get older.

"Daddy save me from this ugly scary black man!"

"Glad it isnt me!"

Happy B-day Mike.

Yahoo, starting their own online Tivo system. Interesting.

Dude created a makeshift Air conditioner for under 30 bucks. After looking at it I’d rather sweat my summer off.

Colleges striking deals for music downloads for their students. And they’ve been refusing? WTF?!

Wizard world is just around the corner. I pray I can go this year, with cash in hand.

The Interview is rescheduled! It’s on and I’m gonna land it! Yeah I said it! I’m gearing up trying to put myself in the right mind state. I’m in to win it, no question about that.

After seeing a documentary on Wal*Mart, and reading a site about the shady dealing of the oglopoly it is. I’m now trying not to shop there again. The cheap prices make it hard on a brotha though. I didn’t know the half. Now I know why people boycott and protest it once it comes into town.

Jacked from PhillyBred

1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be?
Create a business that generates money while do little but monitor sit on my arse and get fatter.

2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be?
I’d steal on tupac for messing up the image of a black man and having dudes like me strike out.

3. What’s the dumbest decision you’ve made in the past 5 years?
Quitting a job for a year before jumping in another one.

4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music.
It would have to be sex and besides its been 6 years for me anyway (No shame) so im practically living this question.

5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor?
I learned that a way to a woman’s heart is to make her laugh, so a sense of humor will be more satisfying to her than a big package any day.

6. So you’ve been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in the Bahamas. You’re sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo?
I have no idea. If im out side then it wont be for long. Who ever want me get at me at the indoor bar.

7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don’t defer to your current significant other either. Infidelity won’t count against you. Duh.)
Myself, cuz im used to it and im good at it. Just gimme a damn pillow. Lol

8. You’re going on a 5 hour road trip…which 5 CDs do you bring?
Short Trip:

Long Trip:
1. Jamiroquai - Traveling without moving
2. Cunninlynguists - Will Rap for food
3. Common - Like Water For chocolate
4. O.C. - Jewels
5. A Tribe Called Quest - People Instincive travels & the Paths of Rythym

9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?
Both are out the question for me. I don’t see myself having any. I still gotta be deemed fuckable. Lol

10. What's your biggest insecurity?
Only my family and two other people truly know. Maybe I’ll share it once I get the courage to.

Thank you Miss Dash!

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Ladies, start hating. Dudes gawk wit me!
I always thought of you as an untouchable cutie the kind that would never give a dude like I the time of day; but now seeing you nekid in playboy, I'D KNOCK THE DUST OFF THAT...

Ahem.

Yeah, you fine. :D

Billy Danze of M.O.P. defined himself in the music industry by saying “I’m not a rapper; I’m just a man who’s good with words.” I respect that about the brotha. I bring this up because of my view on being called a computer geek which I was called recently. I feel I know a lot and that’s because I read up on stuff and try what I read. Having an interest is cool too. Yeah I know a lot about multimedia programs, I know a lot about computer hardware. I don’t consider myself an all out guru. I’m not a true geek, I just know my way around computers. There are some things even I don’t know. Yet.

Jack this from N-Retrospekt

anger
1. Who did you last get angry with? My brother
2. What is your weapon of choice? My craziness
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Hit like man, GET HIT like a man.
4. How about of the same sex? Yes.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Don’t know, don’t care.
6. What is your pet peeve? People who beg too much..
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I’m learning to let go. but if need be I throw that all away for instant justice.

sloth
1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you haven’t done in a long time? Drink water.
2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up? 2 P.M.
3. Who have you been meaning to contact, but haven’t? My boy Wallace.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? “No”
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)? No.
6. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? Once.

gluttony
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Minute Maid Cherry Limonade.
2. Meat eaters are…: Carnivores?.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event? Bottle of Pinapple Rum w/ Sierra mist. Good times!
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Yes.
5. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods or spicy foods? Sweets.

lust
1. How many people have you seen completely naked (not counting movies/family)? None.
2. How many people have seen you completely naked (not counting physicians/family)? None.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Yea.
4. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Ass.
5. Have you ever been made a proposition by a prostitute? No.
6. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? No.
7. Is love at first sight really lust? Not for me.

greed
1. How many credit cards do you own? One.
2. What’s your guilty pleasure store? Tiger Direct.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Buy a Home & car, Purchase a franchise, Pay off debts. Invest the rest.
4. Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich. The more money you have nowadays the more famous you become.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Sure, I’d find ways to keep busy..
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Not deliberatly.
7. How many mp3s are on your hard drive? A shitload.

pride
1. What is one thing you have done that you’re most proud of? Being the first male on both sides of my family to get a bachelors degree.
2. What’s one thing you’ve done that your parents are most proud of? I would think graduating college
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? Become Financialy secure and savvy
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? No.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? I’ve considered it..
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Uh huh!.
7. What did you do today that you’re proud of? Complete this meme.

envy
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for yourself? Nothing comes to mind.
2. Who would you want to go on Trading Spaces with? No one.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Nobody comes to mind.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? No. Women don’t give me a chance to be cheated on. lol
5. Have you ever cheated? No.

My partner in my film class gave me a little game in the library. He explained how his brother was so good with words if someone was asking him for money he’d turn it around and makes them give him money. That shit seems far fetched but at the same time I can believe it. I let him know about my interview Tuesday afternoon and he basically told me that if I truly want it to not take “no” for an answer. Even when it came to approaching a woman, continue through the disses and the no till you wear her down. I didn’t see the logic in that. It was then he segued into the interview again and how I should approach it once I get the 2nd interview. Behind us was a cute young librarian updating the monthly magazines. He turns to her and says “Aint that right miss?” Of course she wasn’t paying attention and when she turned to him she cracked a smile and replied “I don’t know what im saying right too”. He then gives her a 2 minute briefing on us and out project that we’re working on. She dug it and then left to get more magazines. He then tells me “And that’s how you open up to a stranger” then a minute later she return and hands him a card. “I’d like to know more, call me some time so we can chat about it.” He replies “I’m definitely gonna call!” As quick as that transaction when I was impressed; I wondered if I could do the same.

When I got home I hit my self-help book on starting conversation. I realize convo/communication with the opposite sex is something I need work on. I'm told I come off cold and mysterious and not the interesting kind. Eventually I’ll put my knowledge from these books to use and see how it works out. Also talking what my partner said im not about wearing a lady down so that she’ll give me a number because that number can be a wrong one just to get you away from her. I’ve watched many ways dudes approach ladies and out of my observation there’s no real wrong way. It all depends on her mood. My lab manager favorite ice breaker is a plain old “what’s up!” he’s a talkative dude but at the same time the fool got green eyes so I realize ladies like shit like that. Another dude I talk to a lot is this cat what makes me want to apologize to ladies because his ice breakers begin with “Pssst” or “Excuse me” the first one makes me wanna cop block him on purpose. He always strikes out anyway so I guess I have nothing to worry about. If there’s anything to admire then it would be the fact that he isn’t that attractive but his confidence is high. I realize if a man were to ask out 50 women he’s lucky to get more than one number. He takes this in stride and continues. Good for him.

A homie of mine recently broke up with his girl; He’s a comic book geek (I can say that about myself) like me. He was a lucky gentleman to have had a girlfriend that like the same stuff he did. Now their broken up, He fears he wont find another woman who will be at least open-minded about his hobbies. He feels after 3 rejections, it aint worth it. I feel the same way, my father told me he’s like that as well (thank goodness he works at a place where the woman ratio to men is 2 to 1) hell, a lot of men do. I know now that a lot of men have to be built for rejection. Women can’t handle rejection Like men can which is why a lot don’t do the approaching but they always have a new man lined up to be with once the current is out the picture. What I’ve also observed is the act is similar to interview to jobs. You try to give it your all and muster faux confidence on the exterior; deep inside your wondering if you have a chance. The real you doesn’t come out till you know you’ve landed it. What I’m saying is approaching it something im learning but not yet doing. As my confidence builds the more rejection will be more of me saying “iight cool, it’s been one!” than “Man, Fuck All ya’ll”

1. What about you makes you unique?
I'm big & tall and creative without a lick of athletic talent! psyche! Killyaself!
2. What aspect of your physical appearance do you think makes you stick out from the crowd?
My height what else? My hat iz like a sharks fin! lol
3. What do you always have with you while out in public? (for example, earrings, purse, wallet, watch, etc.)
If nothing else, i'm always rocking a Cap.
4. Is there anything about your body that you think isn't normal?
Again, this is one of my Insecurities that I'll eventually disscuss once im ready to.
5. What are you complimented on (looks, smarts, anything) the most? Why do you think that's the case?
A little of both, My smarts on various subjects and my height especially.

Name the last person you...

1. Hugged: Crystal
2. Smiled at: A cute female who walked by me
3. Deceived: Nobody comes to mind.
4. Glared at: Cute light skinned female in the lab with tight pants on.
5. Lusted after: That same female, but no moves were made.

1. Name 3 things you are fortunate for today.
My Life, My family, My future opportunites
2. Is there any one person in your life that you feel fortunate to have met?
Can't say there isnt any that comes to mind.
3. How do you make yourself see all the fortunate things in life when things aren’t going so well for you?
I'm learning to roll with the punches and continue to compliment myself instead of putting myself down.

Top 5 songs you're ashamed to admit that you like:
Black Eyed Peas - My Humps
3 6 Mafia - Stay Fly
Chris Brown - Yo (excuse me miss)
Chamillionare - Ridin dirty
Sean Paul - Tempature

Ice Cube, Rakim , Afrika Bambattaa, Beastie Boys, Easy E, Russell Simmons & MC Lyte gets inducted into VH1's Hip Hop Honors. Got a feeling this may be one of the last with that many at inductees at once.

Wal-Mart decided to start up their own myspace site. Here a good question: WHY?!

Because of the rise of zinc a bill is being passed to try to kill the penny and round off every price to a nickle instead. I feel it still wont fly.

The company hasnt called yet. to fight negativity I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt. I'm told it will be 2 weeks before im contacted i'll give it such.

My ride yester went nuts when i tried to turn on the A/C I had to ride the train to get the school. I took it for a test again once i got home and it ran smoothly. I guess it was overheated. I plan to put it in the shop by the end of next week.

A artist who went to the San-Diego Comic con did a guide to all the type of geeks you'd meet at a convention. Its funny becasue i've seen those types over here.

K had a little question for me which made me analyze myself for a moment. She knows I have skills when it comes to the computer. She’s the main person to encourage me to run my own business when these companies won’t hire me. I usually shrug off the question with an 'I don’t know'.

Just last night she asked me what is it that keeps me from doing it and taking advantage of my life & opportunity. I realize my main obstacle is myself. I felt in truth it wasn’t the fear of success that kept me down it was the fear of not being successful that keeps me from acting. It’s something that sticks inside of my head that tells me that my skills are no different than any other person. Nowadays, people got people who can do ish like me. I wonder how can I get them over to my side and see what I can do for them. I’m not a real sales person, what chance would I have? I guess its negativity rearing its fugly head.

I took one of her suggestions to heart and decided to write down all my skills. I put all the talents I could do today first. Then I wrote others that I would need assistance or extra equipment. My 2nd step is to get off my ass and shake off my best friend Mr. Procrastination and do some projects I’ve been putting off. Creating an official business card will be one of the things I’ll complete. My 3rd step in my plans is to create a life business plan. I took this idea from India Arie. She explained that having a B plan for life will help become goal oriented and keep you away from those that make you stray.

There is more I want to do but I’m going to start with these 3 in the next 5-10 days. What it comes down to is I need to get my hunger back. I’ve developed too much hopelessness within me to get much of it back, so I’m gonna fight through it.

the first thing I did was enter the Ms. Jackson (cuz i'm nasty!) album cover contest. I created 3 then i found out they'll only accept one. I decided to go with the third. Its clean and simple and thats what i'm about.

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Peep & while ya at it, Rate/Vote for me!

My 2nd project is that I brought back Blend City to life and brainstormed on ways to make passive profit on it. First I gotta let people know it updated!

My next project will focus on a site I created at the spur of the moment and didnt think through called Myspace Rip I created it based on the imposter sites i see on myspace. the idea fell through and i'm gonna sell it through ebay but first im gonna try to make a profit off it as well.

I'm gonna bust out a pro bono site for someone and get started on working on my business card. Create a new layout for my myspace page (and promote myself as well) I'll also help out my gurl Vee who wants a MS page once thats done.

Everything one day at a time.

I feel overwhelmed for some reason...

I got my Myspace resource site. I'm bulding & Investing at the same time with this. Trying to make it a one stop shop.

I'll put up the link later. I may hire people to create layouts to be original. I dont think i can do it all myself.

I've had 2 Interviews this week. One on Wednsday and the other was today. I felt i did better today than yesterday, I was up against 7 people at one time asking questions. I was stumbling over my words, imtimidated. I guess that's what true pressure is like. The 2nd interview was short, I hate to be negative but it doesnt feel like i'll get a 2nd interview from that one.

The semester is about to come to a close. I was hoping to land a job before that, but i dont see it happening. I hope i'm proven wrong.

One of my instructors really hit a nerve with me.
In her class we discussed how corporate america is in the hands of the baby boom generation who wont retire. She calls them the "good ol' boys" Now i'm the only black male in the classroom and my classmates: the women there were saying how these good ol' boys were childish and scared to reliquish their reigns. at first I took offence thinking it was men in general. Thats when my instructor told me: Your a black male, you'll never be in that type of power position. At first, i threw it over my shoulder but as the week went by I wanted to say HEY! Why can't we be? Is it because most black men are in blue collar type of jobs? I dont know.
she didnt mean anything by it in fact she was correct. It just bothered me.

My bad!

I survived the heat. What is it about the humidity that makes me weak, lethargic and all out lazy! I felt like i didnt want to do shit! and i did'nt too! No eating much, no going out much, just stay inside and sleep. I plan to get back writing again. I just gotta get my hunger and energy back.

Well it was taking me a minute to think of something to type about because I aint living sweet at all. I’m tired of making depressed posts so I had to come off with something different. I’ll start with the good things that happened this week.

Since my ride is in the shop, my manager helped me through the week by letting me take most of it off. I only had to come in one day and he covered me the other days I wasn’t there. I was paid for not being there.

K & Philly bred hooked me up with job leads. Good looking out.

I lost 5 pounds walking.

I watched Superman Returns (straight), X3 (Tight), Lady in the water (weak), Clerks II (straight), My Super Ex-Girlfriend (Tight), Little Man (weak), Click (Tight).

SinRo’s Movie/Music Ratings
Fiyah! – Highest Possible Recommendation
Tight – Quite Entertaining
Straight – Check it out on your own risk or wait for rental
Weak – Wait for Cable
Wack – If you ever me the execs that greenlighted this bullshit. Steal on ‘im!

My manager decided to take me to my first Strip club Friday night for my spirits. I always said I wouldn’t go to one because I don’t like to be teased. I was like fugg it since he was buying drinks. The broads must’ve saw "vic" on my forehead since they were all over me for a lap dance. I aint trickin’ off $20 for a 3 minute song even if I had it. They gettin all between my legs and i'm trying to tighten them up since I was rockin sweat pants. I hated how they could touch you and you could only touch their waists. Although before I walked out the door, this tall thick light-skinned honey wit a fatty stepped out to dance and that would have been my weakness. I would’ve sang the T-pain song if she came my way. Lol

Hopefully this week will be much better.

The semesters over. I got a B in my business and professional speaking class. Im estatic about that. Still waiting on my 2nd grade.

My car Is back. Runs smooth but still need another part installed.

I got 2 interviews. one in Indiana and another in Dundee. Both are far and require transportation to get there.

My school has bulletins that a new Quiznos was opening. I gotta make some money immediatly so i'm applying.

Many times through out the week I stumble over different topics I want to share over this site but somehow I forget them and I end up writing about how screwed up my life is right now. Do I have AADD? Am I gonna have to rock a pad and write them down? Why does my brain think these things are so insignificant that I let em go? Maybe it’s my depression working on me.

Bill collector asked me if there's anything i can give to him. I dont remember how but we got into a convo and she asked me "Do you got a girlfriend?" I told him I couldnt afford one if I wanted to. He laughed. Its cool I can still make someone else's day.

My university’s dept is hiring for media assistants for 2 days a week. I’m down. One of my old instructors sent my resume to the person I needed to see. Hopefully he’ll call. I may end up having 2 jobs at the school I’m attending. Oh the irony.

The grammar schools near me are starting the new school year. I’ve received a call to be on an active substitute list. I’ve read that doing what you don’t want to do is what makes you responsible. I sure don’t want to sub anymore, but beggars can’t be choosers. Besides, the kids'll give me new mess to write about.

My interview in Dundee was cool me and the project manager got along well. He realized that I needed work immediately. It was the main reason he got this job himself 9 months ago. The firm specializes in nuclear plant factories. He showed me the blueprints of a project he would like to hire me for. I would be helping him make sense of the prints and writing what we’ve labeled. Easy shit. I thought it was cool and something like this you would only hear about in film/TV. I was warned the work was tedious, but I didn’t care, to know that I had something to do with a fuggin nuclear power plant’s daily functions made me want to jump in and say “yes”! They had a brotha feeling like the new FireStorm but unfortunately, they couldn’t guarantee me permanent work there. The transportation would be murder on my car (100 miles a day total, w/ no public transportation).

After playing phone tag the whole week with the secretary, I went up to the school which I thought would be my last day there and I met the dean to see if there could be some way I could continue to go to school. He looked at my transcript and let me know what classes to take again and he's letting me continue. I register next week. My F.T.W. mood is fading. That is all.

Just when I thought I was safe. My reflux kicked in like crazy. I barely got any sleep. I spent most of the day wrestling with the pain and drinking baking soda water to ease it. After a full 16 hours I was able to sleep again. My mother asked me why dont I take myself to the doctor? I told her I cant afford one. Not even the 60 bucks a visit doctor at the moment. I ate nothing that day and suffrered a headache because of dehydration.

I checked my academic status online. it still isnt lifted. Its now wednsday. I just got my letter of notification saturday saying the commission will not review this semester. Well I got till friday. If nothing happens then im out another semester.

At least he died doing something he loved. I respect him 4 that. GodSpeed Mr. Irwin

The school finally lifted my status and let me register this semester. I was already planning to do otherwise by calling the plant firm and letting them know I can start Tuesday morning. It was then at 4:37 PM that the registrar office let me know that, I was able register with no withholdings. Today was the last day of book vouchers that ended at 4:45. If I register, I will be without books for at least a week. I was ready to sit this semester out and wait until January. It was then that my spiritual advisor told me that I agreed upon. I have already skipped 2 semesters already. More sitting out will delay my time to finish school until ’09 at the most. I realize I gotta do this. The real problem lies with if I take this job travel will be a mutha. I will be traveling about 80 – 100 miles a day from work to school. I’m not sure if my ride is up to it. Public transportation will cost me more time. I’m measuring the situation and my only advantages to this gig is:

• I will get paid weekly
• Its only one month
• Its immediate money and im in need.

The struggle is on, I realize it aint gonna be easy. I’ll need the strength to do all three. Your mind will tell you can but the body will let you know you can’t. No other place is calling, I dont want to go back to teach. I will have to make this work, got bills & tickets to pay off.

After a good calculation of expenses (Tolls, Gas and Repair) I knew I couldnt afford to go that far for work. A beggar can be choosy. I'm gonna turn in my papers to teach.

I did get two calls for interviews. One was another damn temp agency. I did get a interview thursday with a job I dont remember applying to.

My moms let my uncle know who is apart of CPS to see if he can hook me up with a gig. He told her I didnt like working with kids. Not entierly true, I fretted the staff more. On one condition: I can't let anyone know we're related. No problem.

Me: Hello?
Dumbass: Can I speak to ya manaja?
Me: This is a residence phone, dude.
Dumbass: Can I speak to ya manaja?
Me: This ain’t Wendy’s phone no more.
Dumbass: Can I speak to ya manaja?
Me: You’re an Idiot.

**Click**

Maybe the dude was retarded, I don’t know. For a while the phone was safe and we didn’t have calls in months till recently.

Me: Hello
Blowed: Yeah, how much is it for 16 piece nuggets?
Me: Wrong number man
Blowed: FUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUU!
Me: Call KFC & layoff the chronic, stupidass!

**click**

Keep in mind this was 2 different people. I told my bro he cracked up. He told me Wendy’s never had 16 piece nuggets in the first place. I figured dude had the munchies. Maybe I should start using a residence greeting from now on. The damn phone company is to blame. I learned that when I went to the local pizza hut. Once I put my number in they instantly called out “Wendy’s?” No.

I Think Ro' just landed a gig: details in 9 (days)

I decided I'm gonna switch to WP and remove MT. I'm tired of the spam and the skins kicks Mt's ass. I'm gonna first retreive all my dotcomments archives from blogger and upload them before then. I should have this all done by the end of next month.

Inspired by another blog, I made a list of the goals I want to accomplish in no particular order:

1. Get a new wardrobe
2. move out the hood
3. get a powerbook
4. get in shape
5. see a dermatologist
6. see a gastrologist
7. get new glasses
8. get my A+ certification
9. get my mackin’ on
10. get a girlfriend.
11. get that surgery
12. take Dj lessons
13. get a cell phone
14. make personal/business cards
15. start writing a script
16. start a interest savings account
17. Achieve 1k-5k a month from Adsense
18. sell all the goods I don’t use anymore
19. become more polite to strangers
20. try to smile more
21. clear all my immediate (small) debts
22. eat more fruit & veggies
23. Eat less chocolate and candy
24. See a concert
25. take a picture of myself before and after
26. buy a HDTV or Converter
27. remove my hair’s split ends
28. sell DVD’s wholesale
29. Finish school
30. see an optometrist

I know there's more but I cant think of any at the moment. Thats alot there. Maybe I should separate them by what I can do in a month and what I can do long term.
i'll cross them off in new posts as their completed.

If ya havent been directed yet. set your bookmarks, Blogrolls & ETC to my new location.
Remove the /blog/ and your there.