A Bitter View

Yesterday night I got a call from the school district I substitute teach in calling me for an assignment for 2 days for one class. I was stunned. The irony of it all was when people asked me have I gotten a call; I told them they wouldn't not until October when I can officially say Full time teachers call off. Unexpected fate intervened and now I had to get ready to teach again. After I handled my hair and rested for the night, I got ready to start my day.

I headed to the school and to my surprise now only did the remodeling change the structure of the school but the Rooms were rescheduled to different teachers as well. Just when I had my sense of direction down, everything changes on me. No matter. School was on and now I had to get into character for 6 classes of the same subject that ranged from 30 to 45 minutes. I prayed I had the strength to deal with the kids today.

To my surprise the kids gave me a decent amount of respect I have to say. I felt besides the goofiness of some students I didn't have to write up any of them and to me that was a good thing. Some of the classes had students I taught before and once I gave my greeting and announced their names they got caught off guard asking "You remember my name!" I replied with a simple "Of course I do!" Learning a little game while being a teacher I’ve learned that once they respect you its easier to control them in case they act up. We all know since back in the day that when a Sub comes in the kids feel it’s a free day to do what they want. Which as a sub I have to continually be within their view so the respect grows; sometimes just not in the way you want it to and I can attest to that. I'm already known as the Man who threw a trash can in a class and kids love to bring that up when I want it to die. Well day one is over and i'm glad and hopefully day 2 will be equally good as well.

K.o.s. - Determination that song steadily floats within my head as i complete my first 2 weeks of classes. I feel i have a bone to pick with myself. When it came to school i was always a straight D student. My mother always told me i got by "with the Skin of my teeth" I knew it was because i did less than what was required of me only to do whats neccesary to finish the class. I blame no one else for my "slackerdom" than myself. I feel my luck with jobs right now is my 360 punishment. Now, after 6 years being out of school i finally decided to go back to school and make amends to nobody but myself. I'm so determined at this point to make something past c's through my hard work which is something i have tried to avoid all my life Because i've always believed in Working Smarter, finding the easy way out or when all else fails just plain cheating! This semester will be the test for me and its something for me to judge how i will proceed for continuous semesters.

As a chosen extracurricular activity for my weekends, I decided to take on a part-time job as a Computer Lab assistant at my school (lame as it sounds). It’s my first day and I have to spend it alone and using my best judgment for everything that comes my way. I have already come across some problems that I just couldn’t solve, let alone forgot to ask once I was getting my 20 minute in a nut shell orientation.

Like ive said before, it’s funny how the kids I teach day to day think that since i'm a substitute, that i’m not supposed to remember their names; Especially when the new school year starts. Even though it's the same year, i've noticed the mindstate of students & teachers shift as is it’s a brand new year and every thing totally restarts anew. Along with new classrooms and new grade levels, I wondered was that how I thought when I was younger.

When I call them out they quickly ask "How'd you remember my name"? Of course they want to punk me out by saying "You just read the attendance sheet!" or "You heard someone else say my name!" yet that seldom happens. Some of the kids are so damn memorable from other classes it's definitely hard not to. Automatically that gives them an instant note to themselves that I'm not to be fucked with easily. I guess they don’t realize that there the same students I have had trouble with are easy to remember due to writing so many referrals on them in the past.

It seems like the mind is always willing to take upon obstacles that my body cant. I am truly grateful that i've been teaching for the past 2 weeks in the same class (because the teacher I’m filling in for quit), setting myself on a schedule of 6-7 am wake up Monday -Saturday having to work and then go to school afterwards really have taken its toll on me. I still feel I have the drive to finish the semester though. Since I’ve been working and being a student full time each, the lethargy has settled in and you can see it within my eyes. On a good note, I finished one of my classes (HOORAY!!) for the semester and it looks like I’ll get my best grade out of the times I attended school yet. I do admit, the class had too much work for a one-credit class (3 papers for 4 class days). I’m glad that the drive within me continues to do my best and show my talents. My next obstacle consists of finishing 2 papers that are due consecutively in the same week and mid-term test to study for this week. I already have started team ups with fellow students to help me out on research in exchange on how papers need to be formatted (yes, their female and yeah, there taken!) I know now that my eyes were definitely too big for my mouth and when next semester starts, I will go part time to cut myself some slack; then again I may not, that’s just shows the determination within me. To keep myself focused I’ve lowered my times doing things I usually like to like spending time on my computer (can’t ya tell?) and playing with my favorite toy at the moment my modified X-box. My part time gig at the school on weekends also helps me focus on working in between helping fellow students. Although the lack of a “life” does make me wonder and giggle a bit about a particular skit in Kanye West’s album about the guy who studies his ass off and knows nothing about love. Hey, that suits me fine, I was never good with those subjects anyway! LOL

I finally confronted my instructor and let him know that I dropped out the class. It was something I didnt want to do but I had to because the work load was too much to handle working and attending school full-time. Im going to keep the books because I will have to take the class again (its required) sooner or later.

If I thought I had problems with regular kids as a sub the special Ed is no joke. I couldn’t believe I played referee most of the day keeping the kids from fighting each other and the constant cussing out the fellow students and threatening the teachers. At one point while I was holding one student from doing something he shouldn’t he threatened me as well. What did I do? I briefly let him go. I wasn’t scared of him but of myself mostly, because I personally know if he tried to steal on me; I would've laid his lil punk bitch ass out. Then his trifling ass momma would try to sue me and the school because he cant control her own damn kids cuz she's too busy opening her legs and worrying about what her ex-convict baby's daddy doing fucking her best friends.

Anyway, ahem...

After the day was over I felt so drained that I could barely get up. All I could do was rest as best as I could for 20 minutes before I got my shit and headed home. What a day.

These kids killz me...

One of my special ed students was doing his Social Studies worksheets and when asked how would the U.S. be affected if every individual state were to become their own countries. This child wrote the following for his answer (In his own words):

"I would cause war everyday and we would win, my state would be called the Spongebob Raw. I would be takeing over all the world. there would be no taxes. My would would be all yellow too."

Now despite subliminal need for attention, I have to say I hate that fuggin show. I love animated films but i've personally never felt this one. I tried to watch, but I feel unless your a kid or that your 'blowed' (high) I can't get a laugh from it. You can tell i'm dreading the movie release.

But this child in particular feel the show is RAW! (pronounced 'Rau' and say it fast.) Aw well, As long as he completed the work; i'll let the real teacher sort it all out.

Yesterday I subbed for a 4th grade class. They were very talkative causing me to repeat myself multiple times which I hate to do. The class had tests to do all day, did they keep them quiet? Hellz no! By the end of the day I was developing a headache. One particular student lets call her "raye" constantly went up to my desk for help. She knew how to do her work, she just wanted to be close to me and sneak a touch from my hand. I've only been there one day and a little girl has already developed a crush on me, how cute. Anyway while I'm thinking she was innocent and slick; it turned out she had a bad side as well. I learned she was the main trouble maker of the class. I learned this while she was arguing with another girl in the class, when I tried to make amends between the two evidently she wouldn’t let it end. Near the end of the school day the other girl came to me and handed me a piece of paper saying she got this from Raye. It was 2 notes folded up. This is what it read:

"After school You are to Die!"

Such strong words huh? But its not ova yet the girl told me to flip it over and read the back, it was continued.

"BITCH!"

I shouldn’t be shocked, I know kids curse, I was more taken a back that she would do something like this. I asked her to show me some of her work for the day so I could compare handwriting. Raye hesitated for 5 minutes, at that time the principal showed up and overheard me. He talked to the children himself. By the end of the discussion Raye was crying elephant tears. The principal told me that she will be suspended and her mother will be called. Whoa!

I felt that was a bit harsh for her. I mean, no real harm was done. While I felt a call should be in order the suspension is not. Aw well.

That I’ve learned is the word students and some teachers use to get their point across when they want someone to stop what their doing. Damn, hearing a word like that is a step below Ebonics. Seems like we get more country as the years progress. Peeps making up new ways to flip words. Whut happened to ova’yonda, naw; let it stay where it is…

The more I work as a substitute teacher the more bullshit floats to the surface. I thank my instructor for showing the Blackboard Jungle in our class because I could relate totally to what’s going on in the schools and how the teachers handle them.. I noticed the less support I get from teachers when it comes to disciplining the bastards. Its frustrating. Some of the teacher are rude as well and imply that I cant handle the kids. Of course I get side tracked by them not sitting in their assigned seats so I cant get their names straight. Then I try to send some kids out and the teachers send them right back in. I try to get some help from the principal and I get the old “were not baby sitters” speech. It’s a thin line that I’m breaking to let them know about the bullshit we put up with as subs and yet we take this abuse from both parties. This shit aint worth it, seriously. A blackboard jungle yeah that would be the best way to describe the hell a brother experiences in this job.

In the special ed class i taught today, there was one student that was reading a mini-comic of the Punisher. I could tell because of all the violence. Being a comic fan I know that you have to be 18 & over in order to read that particular book. I remembered that the mini comics came with the movie's DVD. He showed it to his friends and they were gawking at the "dude gettin shot" sayin "Punisher's Cold!" I do commend him though because when it was time to work he put it away.

Now that im a role of teacher to the kids and also being a comic fan I was a little conflicted. I feel this isn’t what they should be reading at all. Yet I know for a fact the only way they could've gotten the comic was from someone older within their family. I also realize that especially in the inner city violence is normal whether physical or verbal. All I know is what it comes down to is nobody knew any better. The adults in his house view it as a kids comic book and nothing more not knowing it wasn’t made for kids.

Back in the teaching gig again, im really considering quitting this shit. I can see why schools need subs now. I have new respect for the teachers but at the same time being the omnipotent bastard or all I survey doesn’t work either. The vice principal sat me down and we talked about my “methods” She asked me if I liked teaching elementary I said I have no problem with the grades at all. I hoped she considered that I am a sub therefore the odds are against me in controlling the class. My methods of doing so have got a lot of flak and of all things she says maybe I should “lighten up” I feel there’s a lot of bullshit behind the positive reinforcement that she suggested for me. She told me to give 2 warnings before I write them up. Mind you after numerous times of telling them to sit down and be quiet please how is that not warning? I was then asked if I took my problems to the district. That another obstacle because once employed by them I’ve noticed their attitudes becomes snotty in a way that I should be happy that I have the job. No wonder they need subs so much they treat them like shit, Children and staff. I shouldn’t be so tense but im at wits end on how to deal with them now my only option is to find work (lawd help me) elsewhere and continue school to be a full time teacher. I’m tired of the lectures of the need for black male teachers, what fucking good is it doing for me to come off as a positive role model without knocking the fuck out them kids and snapping on some of the staff about themselves as well.

I can’t take this bullshit much longer. I’m updating my resume and getting back on the grind.

Today I taught the damn 6 graders again. What joy. Just like last time I got no support from the staff when the class got out of control. You'd think the bastards would have courtesy for others especially when all they had to do was a damn test. Nope. No way. Fuck that.

The more I look into teaching fulltime the more I work as a sub and realize I dont have the patience for this mess. I hope to god I get a call for another good paying with benefits, permament job soon. I've only worked one day this week and its already pissing me off.

On a good note I see how much an impression I can make on some students. One child who's now in 7th grade (i've known her since sixth) loves to quickly visit me and say hi every time she sees me. How nice of her. Maybe I should out weigh the compliments I get from the kids on one hand to the multiple counts of trifling trolls who can't give me respect. Naw. Nope. No way. Fuck that.

I wonder if there was a Substitute teachers day would we get more than a stupid key chain and Parker pen that says "Your Appreciated"

For two weeks in a row I was approached by a student in class and both asked me the same thing which now bothers me. “You don’t like kids, do you?” The first sentence that goes through my head is “why the fuck would you say that” Then I see myself saying what my momma said to me when I asked her the same thing. I was always a rebellious person who hated authority (still does to this day) and long for the day I can be among the powerful you could say I’m a megalomaniac about it. She gives me the sane answer I gave to them “I don’t like the things that you do” and that’s real. I guess they can tell I’m fed up with this job and it shows upon my face. Of course the kids piss me off to the point I want to strangle the bastards and the lack of control as a sub frustrates me more. I still feel I have enough tolerance to have some in the future.

The class I had today had a little visitor. An insect which was big as my pinkie. The females were the first to look and of course talk out their neck about it when all they had to do was kill it. Even the boys pussed out when they saw it, I almost had to stop and laugh. They all claimed it was a roach but it looked like a cricket to me. After one of the girls (yes a girl) squished it she washed her hands and let them know how they acted over a stupid bug. One of the Caucasian students approached me and said "They act like they never saw a roach before." I asked are they supposed to and she said yeah. The ignorance almost let me tell the whole class who were predominantly black and put her on blast. But something told me to chill. Since she is young she does not realize what she's saying.

A few of the kids I know asked me if I was single and I told them I was. When I do there quick to mention a certain teacher I’ve subbed before whose single as well. Now I aint gonna lie I am tempted, she is quite attractive (the ass is deliciously amazing!) but something keeps me away from trying to ask her out. I'm against going out with those who you work with. The thought of a relationship going bad and the fact that if you work together in the same place doesn’t help at all. I have my mother to thank for that since all her marriages have been with men she's worked with including my father. I think i'll just admire from afar instead.
:)

I try to get the kids to settle down and have some courtesy for other classes but they don’t listen to that. Teachers had to come in and tell them to shut up. Once the lunch break was over I got a lecture from them to never give them an inch. Great, but I’m a sub I don’t know their names to give any real discipline to the class. It’s funny how some want me to be more “nicer” other think im “too nice” to the kids. I’m a fucking sub what the hell do they want of me? I’m already being a babysitter.

I shouldn’t be shocked, stunned or surprised in the least. But there’s always something inside of myself to give the people the benefit of the doubt. I bring this up because of a revelation that I already knew but refused to believe wholeheartedly.

These Kids are fucking…

Today while trying to control the 8th grade class a boy got up and started messing with a particular female for a few minutes and started digging in her purse as I tried to get there and let them know shit like that wont be tolerated; what comes flying out from her purse and lands near my foot and the trash can?

A condom. A Banana flavored condom.

The kids all laughed and eventually the girl blushingly slipped the packed back into her purse and went back to her seat. I mean ya hear it all the time that kids are having sex at a early age but still when you see the evidence its hard to believe. There have been many times I’ve heard kids joke about sex and talk about it yet that’s how I took it. as jokes. Then again I should’ve seen this coming anyway because one of the girls is pregnant, and by the looks of her she's 5 months. Its only 8th grade man, damn.

After a week hiatus I came to class eager to see what I scored on my midterm. My instructor passed it onto me and hesitantly rolled my eyes upon the sheet. Once I peeped the top of the paper, I was floored. The first thing I saw was a simple “Please See me” followed by tons of -2 and -4 for each question. I felt offended, I was sure I got a C+ on my shit at least. I was eager to see him at the end of class. Once I confronted him, the first thing that came out his mouth was “what happened?” I replied I was gonna ask you the same thing. I told him how I truly felt I should’ve passed the whole thing the marks off my answers really bugged me, I paid attention to the lectures and I studied the book and I went through the review as well. He told me that I was up in the air with each question. And as I went over the terms he explained to me that it all wasn’t needed. I felt I should get a minus one then if he felt that way. Since I already had him in a previous class he told me how he knew my abilities and how this was not acceptable and next time I should get somebody to study with. I took it in stride and kept going. I’m gonna have to do much better on my final.

DAMN! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!
MY FINALS IS THESE TWO WEEKS! MY PROJECT IS DUE NEXT WEEK!
I GOTTA FINAL TOMORROW! I CAN'T FOCUS! I"M FUSTRATED!
I THINK I GOT A.A.D.D.!
TOMORROWS' FINAL IS OPEN BOOK AND I'M STILL SHITTIN BRICKS!
I GOT A TAKE HOME FINAL TODAY, I HAVENT EVEN STARTED YET AND IM FRETTING!
I NEED TO DO THAT BEST I CAN, HAD A PRIVATE TALK WITH MY INSTRUCTOR AND SHE PUT FEAR ON ME TO GET A GOOD GRADE.
SHE SAID I BETTER WOW HER ASS!
WHY SHE HAD TO DO THAT TO ME?
I WANNA PASS NIGGA, I WANNA PASS! THATS RIGHT, SHIT!

I may sound evil, but hearing this mess is straight comedy!

The school I’m subbing today had a small issue yesterday when the staff passed out fermented juices to the kids at lunch. Now, here’s where I feel the “Dee Dee Dee” comes in; the kids all took a sniff of the juice and even a sip and told some of the staff it smelled/tasted funny. Smart thing on their side to do, but even when the kids who spoke up were told not to drink it most did anyway. About 5 ambulances had to come about and carry some of the kids away because of there continuous vomiting. ABC even came out to give the play by play! lol. I have no real comment for this situation other than the question of who’s the true idiots? The staff or the kids?

I completed a whole week at a new school being a sub. My first day was with 8th graders. I felt they were no different than any other kids at different schools they knew what they could do when the real teacher's there and what they could'nt. Tuesday thru Thursday I had a class of 2nd graders. Man are they clingy. I should've expected that. One of the kids told me i reminded them of their cousin's boyfriend. "You look just like him oooooo!" I wrote down most of my thoughts while i was there. Here are some of them.

* Why is one of the kids named after a alcholic drink?

* These kids work very fast. Are they smart or are they just lazy and fill in words to say theyre completed.

My last thought was when the kids went to do the Pledge one of the kids looked at me and didnt face the flag. I told her to turn around. One of the kids hollered out "she doesnt say the pledge because she doesnt believe in god" Now when I heard that my first thought was maybe they were mistaking the pledge with religion. I started to say she was un-patriotic and becasue her last name was muhammad I assumed she was a muslim. It was a new problem that i didnt know how to handle. I told her to face the flag but hold her head down. It was the firstand only thing I could think of.

The teacher had a little container of M&Ms I ate them all. She confronted me about them and I just told her i'll replace them next time I come back.

Friday was my worst day I had 3rd graders. They like to say "Ya mama" a lot. They love to yell at each other and call each other names as well. The alpha female was like Deebo! She threatened everyone. "Shut up, fo' ah knock yo butt out!" One girl was so damn musty it was unbearable. When ever she approached me i had to step back the funk was THAT strong. She knew she was ripe as hell all the kids did too. why did she have to raise her armpits in my direction as well? ugh. I stopped 2 fights in my class as well. That really makes me look good. and through all that; they all still believe each other still have the cooties. hmph.

To da Windooooooooooooooooooooooow To da Kitchen/
Put the Hot sauce on mah Chicken/
Dannnng, Yo breath is Stinkin...

(Learned it from the 3rd graders!)

Back to school
Back to school
Show the professor i'm not a fool
Got my thumbdrive and my books zipped tight
I hope i dont get in a fight!
oooooo!
Back to School...

Okay time to end the Billy Madison bit and get to business. The more things change the more they stay the same. After a fight of 2 semesters to bet back into school I finally made it on academic probation. It's my last strike and I chose two classes as my redemption to get back in the game. I got to my class and to my surprise one of my old classmates is now my instructor. Dayum! interesting predicament. I hope he's easier than the other established profs.

Dude that I've spit game about women with gave me a tip on subbin in northwestern indiana. I didnt look into it because of being in a different state. I'll look into it Despite my fear of being badmouthed by my previous districts. Then we got into how black women in white collar businesses nowadays act no better then whites when it comes Black men. Thats another tale for another time.

My class mates ask me about a presentation I did 2 semesters ago on Making a videogame. I felt i did a half assed job. But they all encouraged me to pitch it and see what happens. I based the game off a old comic book character that hasnt been used in a few years. I'll pitch it to the creator first and see if he's like to see what i've done.

Been working on a site, and looking for the perfect CMS script to get it started. I ended up wasting my money on something that wasnt needed and decided to use a free one. I feel i need to hurry but the learning curve is long.