A Bitter View

Whuts up ya’ll,

A lot of peeps remember me from way back when I had a blog called RAPTUREPHOBIA. The name was inspired by my cousin’s rap group title track on their album and on how much of a hermit I am. Due to family problems and financial burdens the site went down and I lost the domain to cyber-squatters (those who buy domain names to make a profit on the web.) When I wasn’t able to get the domain back because they renewed the domain which goes to show I got a lot of hits from it and im proud of that I had to change the name. For months I couldn’t come up with anything that ticked my fancy, then one day it hit me all I needed to do was use the obvious and go from there. My yahoo nickname suited me just fine, I am a bitter man and I am opinionated when asked and that’s barely because my views are so strong. So I now return with the blog that I never really wanted to kill in the first place as A bitter view. Along with the return may peeps will see some changes in how I write or maybe not, fuck it. I’d say not much has changed though. I now live by myself finally moving out of my grandmothers. I’m now back in school getting my masters in media communication and still have plans to achieve in getting my A+ certification as well as possible certified webmaster certification too. I’m still single with my problems with women or their problems with me. Being the quiet person that I am I still feel that this blog helps me express myself when other times I feel so restrained in social settings.

I believe living in this ghetto/Hood is bringing out the worst in me. My personality of being a hermit is being justified living here. I hear gunshots at night now and then, and my neighbors kids bring about his cronies to shoot cilo and smoke bud on the front porch when the parent's away at work every day. I see myself now than before getting liquor. No 8-ball although its more tempting now being where i am. I feel im getting more ignorant towards other people, not watching what i say witht he result of being cussed out and being told how stupid i am. its now been a year since i moved here out of convenience, thanks to a interview i have monday afternoon i might have a chance to get out of it. Am I ready is the question i must ask myself if i am to get this gig. I'll figure it out.

I got a offer for a domain I purchased last year called daytonamotorsports.net I did a quick appraisal to see its worth so that i may sell it. so far its worth $600-900. WHOA!!!

The interview was good. He really set me aback telling me im one of the only candidates with work to show. I couldn’t believe that statement, but then again I was like that myself a long time ago. I know it was my hunger to excel that made me land the jobs that I had and my lack of detail that made me lose them as well. The industry has left me bruised and gun-shy, yet I continue to seek employment within the field.

Anyway I told the interviewer that my only concern was the distance from my place to theirs; no money was discussed. I left the office confident yet not at ease because in the back of my head im probably going to land the gig. Which then would lead me to ask What would I do then?

On a trip to Tower Records, In a magazine (I forgot which one) I overlooked a link to a new politcal party's site nick named L.O.I.V. that I wouldnt mind joining myself if they were closer.

I'm glad that Tuesday is over. It wasn’t a good one I have to say. Bill collectors are ringing my phone and I’m unemployed so unless they will let me work off what I owe, I cant pay them anything. I took an incentive to go to the DMV and get a copy of my driving record since the local division of Direct Tv’s hiring drivers/installers. I was glad my record was clean as a whistle, I was surprised because I was sure that my past tickets would show up, not that im complaining though :D the money I had left I gave to the landlord for rent. I ran an errand for my mother to pick up some tiles at the Home Depot. The tiles had to be individually scanned which took too damn long. :x then as I left a lady was leaving the store ending her day at work. I thought myself to say a little something to her to make her smile or even smirk. as she walked by and made eye contact I gave a smile and said "The day is over, yay!"

The bitch just rolled her ugly ass eyes and walked by me. Didn’t want to holler at her trick ass no way. Hope her man beats her till she die!! :evil:

Now let me compose myself and get back to the topic. :) After that fiasco was done, I headed to my mothers to give her the tiles and install a new 3 in one printer she bought. It turned out I spent over 4 hours getting it set up which irked me because I thought I could do it faster. once I was finished my moms wanted me to print some things out which I felt I didn’t have time for, plus I was getting annoyed with my moms correcting me on what to do with her documents being far behind when im 2 steps ahead. I left once I did what I could and got myself some gas which set me back a friggin 30 dollars. I wish gas was back to .99 a gallon again. I really miss filling up my tank on 10 dollars. :(

My high school reunion was last year. I slept on that mess. I was always an outsider of my class I didn’t converse with many people and kept to myself. I used to regret that because as I got older backing is a very good thing similar to networking. I guess I was too much into my own world to get with others, I cant call it. I’m just glad its over. Even If I did want to go my only interest would be to see those who are still alive and who got 15 babies. I’m neither since I believe in the saying “Success is the best revenge”. I realize I have a lot of things going for me since I have no attachments whatsoever. On the mentality tip, I feel I haven’t matured one bit seeing others progressed in their lives/careers makes me feel that I have stayed stagnant all these years; Maybe a change is coming for me, I have no idea. My boy’s Reunion was a week ago, he told me he didn’t go but peeps he knew told him only 8 people showed up and even then they assembled into the school cliques they were in at back in the day. After hearing that BS, it definitely reinforced my view on going.

Today I gathered my collected spare change and took myself to the bank to run them through the coinstar and add some more funds to my account. I then took a trip to New Lenox a boon town that I used to work at near Joliet. There was a place that was hiring though the paper so I decided to try my luck and apply. I wrote down the map instructions online since I don’t have a printer and took the trek. When I got there I saw that it was a small meat store. I started to think to myself if I were to be hired would it be worth it to come this far to work full time for possibly minimum wage. I took off instantly after that assessment and once I got home I called a school district that left me an abrupt message and decided to see if they’re still interested in hiring me for a sub when school opens. I regret I even went that far, it was 28 miles too far and I have no money till next week to fill up the ride. Man, the search gets more intricate with every inquiry. At least I have to look forward to school starting in 2 1/2 weeks even though I am worried about the award letter im supposed to receive within 3-6 weeks. Its going on week 2 far as I know. If something good for my pocket is gonna happen for me it should happen within the next 2 weeks I say.

I live in a city where we rock jackets 6 months a year. Its august, what I thought was the hottest month of the season. Since yesterday the weather has hit the low 50’s enough for people to wear coats. This bugged me the fuck out. This type of weather shouldn’t be happening till next month! I shrugged it of and went to bed. Then I woke up shivering to the coldest day I ever experienced (far as I can remember). A good 50 degrees what felt like 48 (fuckin wind-chill factor). I was really tempted to turn on the heat it was ridiculous I had to wear my jeans through the house along with my robe to keep my upper body comfy. Eventually I braved the outdoors and headed to the store to pick up some Jelly. The past few weeks its been “PB&J Tyme” like the song (damn kids, cant get it out my head, lol). T took my bro to Taco bell to get some food but none for me. You know your too damn broke when you cant even afford the 99 cent menu at fast food places. So im either gonna have sleep for dinner or another sammich like I’m bro man from 5th floor. Tomorrow will be warmer, I guess we’ll see. I wasn’t ready for the cold yet. I’m a born and raised Chicagoan, I should be used to this…

Its Friday, 16 more days till school starts. And I happen to live in a hood where muthafuckers wanna wild out. Why the bastards wanna trip around my home I have no idea. It’s bad enough im at home minding my own business. Since I share A apartment home with 3 other tenants one has 3 kids one in high school. There’s another dude that stays with his mother but he’s 30 going on 16 as well (fucking thief). This dude love to bring his boys around the crib when his mother is at work to smoke bud and shoot cilo in the back yard. I let that shit slide but it disturbs the other tenants. I usually let it go and leave with respect, I feel that if you don’t involve yourself no drama occurs. I realize today I have to draw a line. I came to that conclusion when I saw niggas fighting outside my home! I wish I had a camera so I could tape it and sell it like the Ghetto Brawls Dvd. They ran into the next block over where the cops stopped it. I was trying to take a nap but fuckers was so damn loud it pissed me off. I had to leave and get away for a little while. I took myself to the bookstore, Borders to be exact and with the last 2 dollars in my pocket got myself some doublestacks at Wendy’s. When I got home and parked into the back yard these niggas are on my fuckin back porch doing lord knows what! A light shines on they ass and they scatter like rats; Now there on the front porch loud as fuck carrying on like nobody else lives in the same place they do. Then I noticed they spray painted shit all over the garbage cans and garage doors; no gang signs, not even graffiti just plains stupid ass gibberish. I’m going to see what I can do about this, in the meantime im planning and looking forward to leaving this piece of shit town.

Anxiety is a muthafucka. I’m just sitting at home looking online for jobs with utmost uncertainty about where im headed financially. Today after writing down a few leads I headed out to sign some applications. One particular furniture place in Frankfort had already found someone within 2 days after they put a ad in the paper/online. When they told me this I thought of the worst and assumed it was because it was me; yes I wanted to play the race card badly since they were all Caucasian. Doing that to myself upset me more, yet I left peacefully hoping to be lucky somewhere else. Once I finished my application rounds I took a drive around to ease my mind. I ended up taking a trip to Merriville, In where I took a walk around the malls. Influencing my hunger and anxiety more I entered Barnes & Nobles and looked within the business sections. A lot of resume improving books and sales techniques really got my blood pumping to want to do something to make money in a hurry. I do have a plan to run a little business selling videogame goods on ebay, hopefully I can make that happen this year. A couple of books inspired me to head back home and improve or remake my resume for different positions that I am interested in applying for. On the up & up, School has started for my brother and for most of the kids in the area I live. I guess for the district that I teach, it will be a good month and a half before I will get a call to work as a sub. Right now I’d be content with a stock boy job at the local ultra foods at this point, landing something is my main priority and I’m going to crank up the aggressiveness within me.

It always irks me how people who have no idea what you do quickly assume that the job market for people with computer skills is super high. If that was the case I would definetly have a job by now. That shit is not the case, Companies get choosy and as ive grown the old saying I’ve hated to hear and disagreed with becomes more relevant to this day. “It’s Who you know” A lot of books really stress that Networking will be the best move in times like these. I realize my networking skills suck. I read more to improve them though One of my favorite books to check out are Self Help books.

On the phone talking to my friend she told me that once I get my masters that I can enter the eligible bachelors field, This had me wonder so I asked her to explain why. She told me because of me being single, no kids, live in my own place with a car along worth 2 degrees that guarantees I can find good work (she claims). I’m a dying breed of black man that women are desperately looking for. I told her I think otherwise when I smile in a lady’s face and try to be friendly by saying hello and all I get is either ignored or the ol’ rolling of the eyes. I don’t floss my accomplishments although I should. I’m told so many times I have a lot going for me but the people I want to show this side of me to could give a fuck less. I ain't sweating it, its their loss. Fuck those broads. Hey, School is young I just started maybe i'll get lucky! lol

Putting my cash into the bank I ran into my interview of the bank. I was surprised she reconized me but then again im not too hard to spot. I told her I had another job lined up when I really didn’t. I just wasn’t interested in her job. Her reconizing me made me a bit concious of not calling back to let her know I wasn’t interested. Even though I was busy getting my self situated with school that was the only excuse that I had for not doing it. As she left she told me she definetly remebers her “good” candidates I appreciated that.
Damn, and she was cute too!

My condolences goes out to Uppity Negro Although, I didnt know the guy I sympathize since were both sufferers of depression. It has been going on 20 years for me. His overwhelmed him while I continue to live. There's been many times i've said to myself because of my unhappiness and the lack of knowing how to change it; why do i stay alive? I have no Idea. If i had to choose something it would have to be my will to see my goals accomplished and the hope that the happiness I need will come to me. I hope the brother has a peaceful journey.

The past few days in class have taught me that my idea of how to write a paper in APA style was all wrong. The first papers I brought in had not relation to the structure that the instructors wanted. If it was up to me, I would gladly do it over again correctly but there was not exceptions but to do much much better next time.

I’ve been sitting by myself with anger for a couple of reasons, The main one is the bastards are still playing dice outside my back porch sitting on my steps after school. I’ve called the cops so many times when I see the, I feel like the boy who called wolf. I truly believe they toss my messages aside which makes me more pissed. Advice from various peeps have told me to take the dice from them. Hell, not when there over 7-10 deep that’s asking for a ass beating. My father told me to take pictures of them when they do it and that’s what ive started I’ve taken off the flash when they do it so the ignorant little bastards have no clue what im doing. Some have told me to just tell them to move, I tell them that if I even open the door and they look at me and continue what good is telling them to move going to do. Last time I came home they were on my porch and I stared down their cipher till they left. I know it has something to do with either the thief in the building or the other tenants child who hangs out with this crowd to rebel. Its my mother’s building and she doesn’t care one bit as long as she collects her rent. There’s trash about the whole backyard due to their hanging out. My boy gave me the best advice compared to all the rest. I need to get the Fuck out of this town!

On a good note, I think im in like flynn as a computer lab aid at my school. They remembered me and let me sign a sheet letting them know when I was available and what programs and hardware I knew on the spot. So finally I’ll have some part time work to do along with the full time school im attending.

Blend City is making waves, i got a good feeling about it. Since i always wanted to do a music site this was a perfect way and genre to start with (till i get shut down). I may discontinue my mixes, i feel im loosing my love to make them now.

The Bat hunt continues. I copped the special edition import sculpt of bats from Japan at the local comic shop. The figure set me back 20 bucks but I feel it was worth it. That makes my batman collection a total of 4 now. It might stay that way unless I find another variant that suits my fancy, excessive collecting is not my thing.

I realize my hunger has got the best of me through school and I find that I may be over my head with my studies. Fellow classmates have told me I’m trying to kill myself yet one classmate gave me some positvity and let me know I can do it if im truly dedicated. But I feel that I truly can’t and keep up good grades while working full time simultaneously. I’ve scheduled a appointment with my academic advisor and I’ll make a decision what I need to do after the meeting.

I also shifted my hunger to trying to start a business on ebay. I got so much information and software and with my research im ready to get something going. The biggest obstacle right now is money to get the goods but I hope that’ll be taken care of within the next 2 months or less. I’ve got some things I definitely want to sell most of them coincide with my hobbies. I feel right now if I lack sales at least I tried. If I was to be real ‘bogus’ I’d just get started by selling the information that ive received to put cash in my pocket! After all, information is the greatest item to own.

A message to the females of other races than my own that “only date black men”: Stay the fuck away from me! I’ve learned ya’ll tend to disrespect the blackman and think nothing of it which subliminally shows your self hate. Besides, Im a white collar black male with a degree on the verge of getting my masters who seldom curses, talks proper and listens to artists you probably haven’t heard of. I would bring nothing to the table but stability and reliability to and for you and your kids which you have after you no longer want excitement within your lives and I refuse to be a captain. One simple sentence will sum it up very nicely: I'm not your type.

So, Jessica Alba is the Invisible woman for the Fantatic four movie. I'd see it because of her! Naw i wouldnt. LOL

To all the ladies that claim to not find a good man and complains when the dude that takes you out on a date, pays for everything and afterwards asks you for sex? You dont want to give it up? GO FUCKING DUTCH!!!

I came to work 30 minutes late. Why? because I didnt put gas in my car last night when I had the chance. I decided to push the limit hoping i'd get to work on time and get gas afterwards. Now i know better...

Why do my people have to add that extra "ed" when they describe their skin tones. I't has turned into one of my pet peeves. What i like to do when im teaching in a class is whenever I hear a child say She's "dark skinnedded" or etc. (ugh!) I tell them to write that on the board. Of course the children are too embarrased to do that so they cop out by saying "Everybody else says it" I reply by telling them to set an example for others. One child told me by saying it correctly it sounds like he's "talking white". Hell, I hate when people my age do that, I definetly do not add the extra ed whenever I describe my self. In doing that I can tell the intelligent from the ignorant. Especially on blind dates, using that description will definetly help tell if she's on the same level as myself. The results of using only one "ed" give me either a compliment of "your the first brotha that doesn't say 'Skinneded'" either that or I hear "Why you talkin white?" Maybe im being too Bill Cosby on the subject but fuck it! im taking a stand on it.

I’ve worked 10 days straight officially and im getting very tired Like i've said previously. I guess dealing with kids for 5 days then dealing with irate fellow students who need help on the weekends can tax a body's energy 4'sho! Well I asked for this and best believe I want to continue but shit happens...

For instance:

What I thought would be a long-term gig turned in only 2 weeks. I should've kept my mouth shut about it; maybe it would've lasted. The class that I was going to sub for an indefinite time did not happen. After receiving the call the first thing I thought to myself was "well goodbye to buying Christmas gifts..." I definitely see how no guarantees come into play in this situation. So far, I am working till Wednesday then my schedule is up in the air.

Moving along:

The convention is over and I have a problem with my conscience. You see I found a "card" not anything financial but a sort of "code key" to a hotel or storage facility while I was there. Someone dropped it and I kept it, since the convention is over the people may be long gone but I feel its only right to bring it back and give it to the lobbyists. In truth that’s what I would like to be done with what I need. Its an hour trip so I have to plan to go when im not too busy.

It's been a good 15 days since i had a total day off and i have enjoyed it. Hell i got to finally play some of my X-box games especially MK: Deception (Just beat it with my favorites Scorpion & Baraka) And I cleaned up (meaning I swept & Vacuumed) my place. The past few days were definetly a runaround playing with my emotions and money. I will delve a little more about whats goin on tomorrow. for now? sleep...

Sleep is good, but much better with someone (heh).

I feel hella blessed today to recieve another day off within the same week especially on a friday. Although I tried to sleep as long as i could today to make up for the time lost; my eyes still feel heavy. At times like this i wish i had a drink before i go to bed because its the best sedative that helps me sleep i've ever taken to date. My brother asks me lately am i feeling alright because i seem out of it lately. I realize im getting irritable (than usual) and i'm quick to push bullshit aside to get what I need done. Well, my freetime is over and its back to my grind. Who knows, maybe i'll have monday off as well!

Today is Halloween. I didn’t buy any candy because I wouldn’t be home till after about 10pm. A part of me feels bad about that but at the same time I know this was out of my hands. I remember as a shawty the disappointment I would receive when going trick or treating and the people at the door would either tell us they had no candy or that they don’t celebrate it. My usual impulsive reply was “trick or eat!” which didn’t mean jack but it made me feel better against the stingy people. Those days are done, I’m grown now (at least I think I am) and one of my lifetime goals are to be the most dependable person you’d ever meet. I use the Ja Rule song title but reverse it to let people know where I stand. “I’m always there when your call, but not always on time.” I use this motto where ever I go and whomever I meet because one of these days I want to meet the person that returns the favor to me. I haven’t met them yet though.

Thanks to this book. And the Art of War, I learned a lot about how to handle the kids more and how to separate them by their personalities. I know that as a sub the general personalities are magnified so I had to get more extreme.

For instance, there is a clique that continually likes to make fun of me because of a green outfit that I rocked the first time I taught in their class; so now my new nickname is "Kermit the frog" along with "Garbage-can man" The clique is tight and together they believe they have power over the teacher because of their numbers. So what can I do? My method of dividing and takeover. What I do is whenever I get an individual student in that particular clique I call them out by name. This establishes the knowledge that I know them and their cronies individually. So far I have knocked down the posse to all I have left is their leader, who I haven’t taught in his class yet. Now they know I know them all individually and now they’re thinking to themselves "Why hasn't he written me up yet?"

At sams club buying my Fruit20, A worker there saw i had my "I Voted" sticker on and forgot to remove it. He called out "Yeah I did too, Too bad shit didnt help"

As much respect as I have for both candidates in my states' run for senate which Obama won; it seems Mr. Keyes has made a childish move in not at least congradulating the winner claming "It's not appropriate and would have been a false gesture". WTF?

The media loves to put emphasis on something that can be manipulated. All the news on the lack of flu shot distribution is causing people to panic, pump the brakes. I, for instance haven’t had a flu shot in 4 years and knock on wood; I haven’t had the flu since High School. I’m not gonna let the news tell me when and where to get a shot if I don’t need one. My argument is this: why get injected with something that you don’t have in your system from the beginning? My theory came to truth on my last job where they were giving flu shots on the spot. Most of the employers signed up and got theirs and I did not. What came to my attention was that slowly one by one those who got the shots got sick except me. If I end up dying with pneumonia, it’s because my body wasn’t strong enough to fight it off and not because of the shots.

After seeing Extra last night after SNL, I was curious to find the pics of Tara Reid's nipple shot. I found it, now I wish i didnt see it. Why?
I'm a fan of ladies with big nipples and she had them but not in a good way. You can tell she had a fucked up boob job because her nipple was mutant sized with scars around the edges! Yuck! I wouldnt touch them with anybody's mouth. I would give the link away but trust me, your not missing a thing.

Last night I was angry at my mother (as usual) so after eating at her house and taking my bro/roommate home I decided to vent a little by doing something I haven’t done in months: Take a drive around my town. The ride lasted a good hour and I took myself further into the lower southwest side (Alsip, Palos Hills, etc.) and I discovered new places I never seen or at least never took notice of while driving. I discovered a new school new grocery store, a new club and some houses and apartment complexes that were just fire! It makes me want to do my own version of "Wild Chicago"! I came back home inspired, less angry but tired and my gas tank near empty and an urge to take a drive again real soon.

^^ Now this is a candidate i could back!

This is a little something im gonna try to do when i run out of shit to write about for the day! Feel free to add any questions you want me to answer. :D

Do you watch any shows on Primetime television?

Yeah i sure do.

If so what are they and when are they on?

Well im a animation nut so the toons I watch prime time (in no particular order) are:

Teen Titans, Justice League, Megas XLR, Dragonball GT, YuYu Hakusho, Mad TV & Saturday Night Live (Saturday nights) Malcom in the middle & Simpsons (Sunday nights), Kids next door (friday nights), South Park & Drawn together (both on wednsday nights)

Let's say you are dating someone or getting to know someone and then
you get into a discussion about who you are going to vote for. You
both have totally different views. Would you continue to talk/date
that person or is politics too important in your life?

Politics doesnt rule my world when it comes to relationships. In fact i appreciate when someone has a different opinion than me and is able to express their points strongly on why they vote for their particular candidate.

Why do men/women treat a person of the opposite sex like a
queen/king when it isn't returned?

Because they feel they dont deserve it/Self esteem. Either that or their idiots.

Why do people stay in those relationships when there is someone out
there that treats them the way they should be?

read the above answer.

How do you handle it when someone you dated, comes back and wants to
whine about their relatinship when you would have given them the
world, but they didn't see that because they were too busy looking
for something better?

I wouldnt want to hear it. Ya didnt want me then so dont treat me as your comforter now unless ya giving it up. Otherwise stay out of my face if your done with me.

While doing my monthly squatting (expired domain name buying) I decided to test some of the popularity of the domains before I bought them. After finding that there are lousy investments I decided to give the domains I already own a try. Most of them are on a mediocre level. Then I decided to give my old domains a try, using my old blog domains it surprised me how may peeps linked me in the past back when this was just “Sinsears Blogg” in 00-01. The numbers jumped when I changed the title to Rapturephobia. Wow. What surprised me more was the many people that linked me and I had no clue they existed. The wonders of this thing that I do in the blog community. Sometimes I want to let them know im still here just under a new name but thin I just say naw. If they rediscover me then it’s all good. I finally made a post about this domain’s origin that I intend to add to my bio soon enough.

Oh yeah,while im going down memory lane the following ladies that showed me love in the past & made a brotha feel like i was one of the only black men bloggin (probably was); i got a question 4 the following: Empress, Riotous, Eboni, Nona, Serenity, Tashia, Courtney & Karimarie.. Were'd ya'll fuggin go?

What was the FIRST DVD you purchased?

The first one I ever bought was an interactive DVD movie called "I'm Your Man" I still have it around collecting dust somewhere.

What was the LAST one you purchased?

Thanks to a nearby Asian Cinema shop called Another Heaven I copped 3 movies at once. Zatoichi, Battle Royale II (not as good as the first), & House of the Flying Daggers & bootlegs of the first 5 episodes of The Mighty Orbots & Galaxy rangers at a comic convention.

What will be the NEXT DVD you purchase?

Not sure yet. My mind is set on Criterion Collection version of "Traffic" so I can do a paper review on movies with social change & commentary for, and a dope ass asian Sci-fi flick called "2002" but whatever I see that may tickle my fancy I just may buy.

I never considered myself a writer. I'm just a negra with the ability to go into depth about what I notice from day to day. I have a 15 page paper to write for my masters due in 2 weeks and I feel that when i'm given a topic I cant come through and give you what you want. I'm gonna have to gather up some sort of bravado and just do it. lawd help me...

What is your favorite commerical "jingle"?

Cant say that i have one.

What is your favorite television commerical?

I cant say i have a favorite one but i can say 2 that are the most memorable for me: The Got Milk Commercials (especially the Aaron Burr one!) and the Twix 2 for me none 4 you ones.

If your lover/spouse wanted to watch porn with you, would you?

I sure would.

Does it turn YOU on?

Watching porn or if my other was watching it with me? i'd have to say yes 2 both! :D

On tv right now there is some show on where a black woman is talking
to a black man and she makes a generalized statement..

Any man given the right sitution would cheat if the opportunity
presented itself.

Do you think that this is true?

She's been cheated on before, hasnt she? No, its not true because there are devoted men out there.

What about women? Do you think they would?

Women can have sex anytime they want so on that question i believe they could but since their more emotional driven that nullifies my answer all together...

What would be the one thing that would make you cheat in a
relationship?

I have to actually be in one first to find out.

Do you feel that you judge or get judged by the first time you are
with someone sexually meaning if it isn't great the first time,
someone is blaming the other or thinking they are bad in bed?

Damn, Good question. I think so unless one of you are a virgin and even then they go by what they've heard of seen. I'd say if your a guy (like myself) dont talk shit when you about to get some because your definetly gonna have to show and prove. If you cum (ahem) short of your words then that makes you look salty.

Can you have sex to have sex, or does there have to be more?

Yes, there has to be more. I have to be at least attracted to that lady I get down with.

Today at the computer lab, one of the regulars a kind Puerto-Rican woman wanted to treat me to lunch today for all my help and since I’m broke and hungry I accepted in a second.

We sat down in the cafeteria & she offered me 2 home cooked tamales.
At first I was scared because of my ignorance I assumed all of Mexican food was too spicy for my stomach and eating at Pepe's & Taco Bell was the best I could handle; but I fought it off and took a bite. Damn, they were good! I had one mild (red) and one spicy (green) the colors of the food will definitely surprise you if you didn’t know any better. I finished them both and we shared a Pepsi and talked about how there made and if I want more (which I do now) where to get them. She told me how there 10 for 5 bucks (whut a bargain!) and how some immigrants make them & sell them to survive in this country especially when they cannot work due to illiteracy in both languages.

We also got into a little convo about her views on reparations, How Education in Mexico costs and a piece of unknown history on how black slaves were sent to South America. The best 20 minutes of the week 4 me. We’ll do it again sometime. :)

Many of us are on messenger that want to talk to you. What are some of the dumbest come on lines that you here?

"Why are you so bitter?" - the one I hear most of all

What are some of the things someone can say to you right off the bat
to get you so mad you put them on ignore?

The one I hear above, because I hear it so much.

Have you ever been involved with someone and THEN you find out later
they are cheating on someone else?

I was getting to know someone when I found out she was taken. Thankfully we never got physical in anyway before that.

After you find out do you quit seeing them?

I stopped talking to them and kept my distance.

If you do keep seeing them, do you see others too?

only if I kept them around as a friend.

Have you ever had someone get pissed off because they are dating
more than one person but don't feel you should too? Ya know..the
saying...do as I say but not as I do?

Naw i've never been that lucky.

Many of us seem to want things we can't have. Some people do not
understand that not all of us are looking for sex. They do not
understand that we don't want to be the "other woman" or "other
man". I for one have way too much respect in myself to do that. I
know me personally I have been lied to. They tell you the
relationship is over..or they are JUST roomates. Now I am sorry but
no man/woman is just ROOMMATES. That is RARE. So who they trying to
fool? Then you tell this person how you truly feel and they tell you that you can't have what you want, and yet they say "let get together for one last encounter" or "lets get together for old times sake".
Do you get together with this person to fuck one last time, or do
you let it be?

I'd let that shit go. No need to get what we had on a trust type of lever because that is gone now. too many broads out here that wont do me wrong like that.

It’s funny how the kids react when checked on manners. I hate to call it a race thing but evidently it’s the ignant ass black folks who throw their ways onto their children. The evidence is bountiful. For instance one week a child approached my desk because she was on I.S.S. (In School Suspension) and needed her work for the day. She entered with attitude from the start and because of that I wasn’t gonna let her slide. No hello Sir, or Mister & no finishing with a please.

Her: “Can I have my work?”

Me: “I don’t know can you?”

Her: “Ah’m axin you!”

Me: “The correct way is may I have my work, please?”

Her: “That don’t sound right coming from me, I don’t even say that at home!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s why you in ISS now!”

Why is it much easier for kids of other races to say may I than those of the same color as me? To wonder why would wreck my brain.

Do you believe in "Love at first sight"?

No I do not, I feel with any infatuation that can change once you get to know the person. I may be stunned/mesmerized by a person's looks but until I get to know their personality, that's as far as it goes.

Marvel or DC?

DAMN! I LOVE THEM BOTH! ITS HARD TO CHOOSE THEY HAVE SO MANY GOOD POINTS!

Whats one thing you can't live without?

Hmmn, Another tough question, I guess ultimatly it would be my computer.

What school do you go to?

I go to Govenors State University.

Are you a Coffee Drinker?

I never was a coffee drinker, I'm more of a Tea & Juice person. I tried it once and did not like it at all.

What do you do when you are seeing someone and you ask them over and
over if they are single and they assure you they are, THEN their
spouse/sig other calls you? Now this person told you that their ex
didn't want it over so it is "possible" that they are just being
vindictive OR it could be that they were playing you. Do you give
them the benefit of the doubt, try to get more proof either way, or
just walk away?

I learned that unless that person is crazy; nobody will call you for drama without acknoledging that their in a relationship. I feel unless they can prove it which is highly unlikely, i'll walk away from the situation. Sheeit, there's too many broads in the city to worry about one.

What is your favorite Christmas movie?

Between A christmas Story & Bad Santa

What Christmas movies do you HAVE to watch every year?

None, Its not that critical for me, if i catch it then i will.

Is there a specific time you watch them (example maybe you watch the
same one every Thanksgiving)?

Anytime is the right time between those times.

What is your favorite Christmas song?

Besides Mr. Hankey's Santa Claus is on his way I have none.

what is your least favorite christmas song?

All the others!

What is your most memorable Christmas?

2001, All I recieved was 5 dollars and the Flu!

What was your least favorite Christmas?

Back in 87 I finally needed proof that Santa existed. I figured He knew what I wanted to I didnt give my moms a list like i usually do every christmas. Then came x-mas day, i was all geeked to see what i got and got up at 4:00 in the morning. came downstairs and my anticipation converted into dejection. All I got was some generic cheap ass toys. No SuperPowers or Secret Wars Action figures, No TransFormers, no G.I. Joe, no ThunderCats. I could tell no more than 20 dollars was spent on me. and when I saw the shit all my moms could say was "y'should've gave me a list."

The movie title comes to mind because of what happened.

Last night in the blizzard I experienced my first roadkill by hitting a deer. It shook me up because the last thing I wanted to do was take a Animals' life in this weather. I came home so damn depressed and my friends told me that "shit like this happens" but I never thought it would happen to me. It was a dark road with no street lights that the accident occured. My ride has a busted headlight as well. I'll shake it off eventually, but damn...

Do you sit or stand when you put your pants on?

I stand unless im too damn tired to.

Which leg do you put in first?

Usually, my left is first.

what is your favorite brand?

Whatever fits me! lol

Are men intimidated by intelligent women?

Some are, Hell alot are! When a man is raised to be the bread winner and a woman has sort of surpassed him in the work field, a man then considers and judges his worth in her life if they were a couple. He would feel that she would be the head of the household especially with the decision making. Men like successful women but when the woman gets a big head over it, that’s what keeps the men away. I personally prefer a woman who is successful and doesn’t brag about it at all. There’s also a factor of most men are quick to think that when a woman is intelligent and successful she is already taken (im a culprit for that as well). The body language changes and its hard for men to make a move in that case. If I ever have a chance (again) of going out with a successful intelligent woman I’d personally go for it. As long as she maintains a down to earth personality and doesn’t let it go to her head why not? It’s a definite financial, physical & emotional investment!

Are women intimidated by intelligent men?

I'm not a woman so i'd have to ask my female friends, I felt that that was what women liked about a man was his intelligence.

M-I-C... M-I.. M-IIIIIII!

Y'Tryin 2 leave us Huh?! You dont know who you Fuckin Wit...We BeBe Kids'!

Since I haven’t worked in 2 weeks (bills kickin my ass right now) the other day when I got up to make me sum breakfast (Reeses’ Puffs) I turned to Comedy central to catch the Non funnies. Y’know the comedians that are so unfunny they stick them on daytime for fillers. This particular I was caught by surprise when they showed an old original HBO half hour comedy special of Robin Harris. I instantly got my Tivo ready. I have it uncut on tape buried somewhere. Dude was about to blow up when he died and even though the jokes are hella old I was still rolling to them despite the bleeps. I remember when I called my brother an S.O.B. and my moms took away my BeBe’s Kids tape because of that. That shit didn’t stop me, I bought another one and kept it from her site. Man, I still use his lines to this day. My favorite line to use:

I'm a Drunk not a alchoholic... Alchoholic gotta go to dem gotdamn meetings! Ah the memories… R.I.P.(Hughley's doing a terrible job of being him too)

Sma-Smal-SMALL WORLD!!!

Today's my anniversary of life. Man I am not ready to be 30 yet I feel theres a few thing i needed to do before i reached this age. But since i can't stop time I might as well enjoy it. Now i'm officialy grown folk lol!

Do you sleep with a radio or TV on every night?

I used to, I blame my father for that. He used to do that which I felt is a sign of his loneliness, but eventually he got me into it and thankfully my TV has a built in timer as well as a sleep button! So I set it to turn off usually after 2 hours i'm fully asleep.

Lets give this a try...

Three names you go by:

On The net: SinRo/ Fringe-3xl / Dr. Destroyah

To Family & Friends: Leroy or RoSean

Schools that I sub: Mr. Smith

Things you like about yourself:

I'm single with no attachments

I'm a Survivor

I'm not ugly!

Things you hate/dislike about yourself:

I exxessively procrastinate.

My Quiet Shy Nature around people I dont know.

I unintentionally Imtimidate people with my looks.

things that scare you:

Staying single till I die.

Being seen as a constant joke.

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):

Little Brother

Murs

De La Soul

Three of your favorite songs at present:

Big cas - Dollar Dollar (circulate)

Ma$e ft. P. Diddy - Breathe, Stretch, Shake

Murs - Where's the Beef?

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months:

Save money and invest

Continue and achieve success at starting a business on Ebay

Recieve my A+ certification

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):

Trust, Honesty and Affection.

Two truths and a lie:

I love hip-hop, I love comic books, I'm 18

Three physical things about the opposite sex (or same) that appeal to you:

Eyes, Smile, Bootie

Three of your favorite hobbies:

Reading, Video games & Music

Three things you want to do really badly right now:

Get Paid, Get Laid and travel to someplace warmer.

careers you're considering:

Comic book writer & letterer, Computer Repairman, Dvd Authoring specialist

Two places you want to go on vacation:

Japan & Brazil

Three things you want to do before you die:

Achieve Wealth, Have a family, establish a busisness

1. I’ve been thinking about building my own comp like crazy, I’ve lurked Pricewatch & computer Geeks all week trying to find the cheapest parts.

2. The Weather for my birthday was the most beautiful thing to happen for me from the earth what a present!

3. I want to quit subbing because I have to go through so much bullshit in order to control the class.

4. For fun I rhyme battled a 8th grader that had no punchlines besides talking about my clothes and I lost in their eyes because im an adult and I’m not supposed to be too grown to rap so they wasn’t hearing me.

5. My first weekend all to myself during a work week in months. I’m gonna spend it like I usually do. Not doing a damn thing.

6. I was recommended from the district I sub to be apart of a new program for in house suspended students great I might be in charge of study hall.

7. I’m fuckin 30 now im tired of being single, im ready to mingle, I don’t know where to start!

8. I want the instrumental to that new J-lo track, but I cant front the beginning of it is dope

9. I’ll probably give my old man a visit Saturday night. & prepare for my moms B-day next week

10. Just remembered I need a new calendar

11. I hear the production on The Game’s album is the best this year and its only January.

12. Sin City or Fantastic Four?

I’ve went through all the stages a man my age can go through about being single when I don’t want to. I did the bitter site (still shows too) I did the zero tolerance; I did the crazy nigga, the nigga ya love to hate. Sheeit, I bet ive played roles that haven’t had a category yet. 2 years ago I took a vow to stop giving dudes advice about their girls. Why because it was evident that I entered that zone where everything I say was against the opposite sex and I barely had any experience with them.

There were many times where conversation would start about men and women in relationships on all angles even when it came to sex I had nothing to say. All the while I longed for the experiences I heard and wonder why doesn’t some of that shit happen to me? What the fuck am I doing wrong? What am I not doing? What’s the problem? I should be a catch! I have my own place, car

The whole time I considered why I had so much bad luck with women and the answers I came up with only made me more frustrated and wondering how to change. It got to a point I started buying books hoping it would help me out. Those books didn’t do a damn thing but help me spend money. I tried other way of getting in the game by online personals and phone chat lines, all that shit did was put me in debt and the lucky dates I got I can count on one hand. I never asked for sex when I did take a female out; yet I continued to last only one date and nothing more. I tried changing my gear, ironing my clothes, washing my ass frequently even though I continued I felt I ran out of options. The shit got to me one year and ultimatly cause me to have a nervous breakdown. There I was goin nuts because of something that was so minor in others eyes yet was so much to me because I saw no way to change.

Who is your favorite TV Mom?

Marge Simpson!

What is your favorite commerical "jingle"?

Right now its Super Milk Chan dance commercial on Adult Swim. (You Dumbass - Oh Yeah!)

Do you eat 3 meals a day, more, or less than 3 meals?

Usually Less than 3 meals.

Do you usually have a larger lunch or supper/dinner?

Sometimes I do. I used to all the time to make sure im full. now it doesnt matter to me as long as I got something substancial in my belly.

What is your favorite kind of Pie? (I am not trying to be dirty
here LOL)

I hate Pie. Unless its Chocolate!

What is your favorite kind of soda/pop?

Sprite Remix, DnL, Limewire & Cherry Pepsi

What is your favorite(s) cereal?

When I was younger I couldnt put my finger on a complete favorite but i do remember eating frequently than others Crunch Berries, Count chocula, Cocoa Puffs & Lucky Charms. Now it's Resses Puffs (Had 3 bowls Today too!)

What is your favorite kind of cookie?

Mostly Anything with chocolate followed by oatmeal raisin.

What are your plans for the weekend?

I do the same thing ive done every night for the last 30 years of my life... NOT A COTDAMN THING!

Call me an idiot but these tales that I tell so well always amuses people, so I thought I’d share a bit here. Y’see when it comes to getting hints that a lady is interested in me, the body language goes right through me. I never get the message until maybe a year later. I’ve struck out on a lot of future girlfriends and booty calls because I just didn’t understand what the girl was trying to do. I admit ive only had one girlfriend, Why? Because she was the only female to approach me and tell me how she felt. I wish more women did that. But now I know through my friend Katisha that for whatever means of insecurity, fear of rejection or just the belief that “its what a man should do” women wont come out and tell you off my experience what they want. As a man im supposed to get the hints and act on them and that’s where I go wrong.

I was never good at running game at all. My daddy never taught me what to do or what to look for. I mostly winged it. When it was directed at me it was over my head to the point in the background you could hear crickets. A lady could smile in my face, everyday, go out of her way to strike up conversation with me and the only thing I would think of is what a nice girl she is. One of my best examples of this was a chick I met at a club. She was a white girl that looked Latina that grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood. She was my first try (and I mean try) at an interracial type of thing. The more I got to know her the more I was scared of her though because she used to run with a gang when she was younger and I didn’t want any connection with a thug woman. She told me she liked talking to me because I was different from the other dudes she’s ever met. It was because I was about goals and doing the right thing and a man like me is what she needed in her life.

One night we were on the phone and we were talking about past relationships. I only had one so I couldn’t talk about much at all. It was then she gave me an invitation to her crib. It was about 1:00am and she told me her parents were out of town and she wanted to see me. Here’s where I think of something other than the obvious. Instead of just saying yes I ask her “So what can we do? Ya don’t got no Nintendo!” (Yes, I did ask her that thinking nothing of it.) She sweetly said no so I declined. We stopped talking for a few weeks after that but eventually we kept in touch. It wasn’t until a year has gone bye that once I thought about it and put all the clues together: All alone, Wants me to come over, 1:00 in the morning. I realized what I dumbass I was for not getting a clue that she was going to give me some. All the while I thought she was asking me to come over just to hang out cause sex was the last thing on my mind for reasons to come over. I bet the first thing she did was call her friends & told them stupid I was to turn her down. Aw well.

My midterms are all over. Although now I feel like weight is lifted off my shoulders, I can’t be happy with my work. I realize the errors I’ve made in my studying and it all comes down to my arch nemesis Mr. Procrastination. He’s a fowl dude, he is. One not to be messed with I feel I really need to take it to him and confront him since he’s the main culprit of me not reaching my dream next to his right hand man Mr. Indifference. We will have it out and soon. In another 6 weeks my finals is coming and I want them gone by then. Hope that I have the strength within me to banish them.

What quality is most important to you in a partner????

I'd have to say she would be openminded towards the things that I like to do. She would have to accept me the same way I would her. Because i'd tell a broad in a second if she signifies that my hobbies have been here before her and they will be here after her. On my life.

To combat the stress that my moms/landlord puts me through about my rent, I gladly accepted to work OT at the computer lab doing Break/Fix ish with the comps. I’m gonna need all the doe I can attain right now. I know my ride needs new tires & brakes real soon. I have to throw away whatever hesitation and the urge to bullshit and go ahead and make this money. Hell, I gotta get my study on as well. I realize to make a change I have to first accept it.

My new machine is ready to start working. All I need to install is a floppy drive and a modem. This is the machine that I want to help make money for me. I already got my hustle plan all laid out but im contemplating if I should do it since I don’t have the essentials to really get started. I’m gonna offer Cassette to Cd conversion (not ready for Vinyl yet) as well as Floppy & Zip disk file recovery (Cd’s & Hard drive can’t do yet) I believe there a good start since my web designing shit is technically dead.

It's all easier said than done. Now i'd better back up my words.

Do you like your partner or person of the opposite sex using perfume?

Of course, I like a lady that smells good. It's a fascinating thing to me.

What is your favorite perfume on your partner or person of the opposite sex?

Well unless I get a partner I’ll never know since I don’t keep up with the names. There are distinct ones that I know will set me off.

What scent do you use?

Y'know I was never a cologne person. The child within me refused to rock cologne because of the fear of attracting insects. I started that when my first girlfriend gave me a bottle of Gucci cologne and I would wear it for her but end up running away from the bees who though I was a flower. Recently, my friend Katisha gave me some game about how scents work with your body depending on what you use and also the old "Boy, Time to Grow Up!" was part of it as well. I got a sample of a cologne from Nordstrom that ive been saving for an occasion. I like the scent but im not sure if it'll work with me. I'll find out.

Rockin my Lyra in my car, it got me thinking about the game of how rappers talk shit. I guess it’s a black thing since nobody pops more shit than my people. Examining 3 rappers in particular had me analyzing how I do my thing.

Prodigy from Mobb Deep: His whole style is talking shit. When it comes to gun play or just straight out talking bout hurtin muhfuggas he has it down. Ironically he gets stuck up in his own neighborhood on occasion I hear. J-Zone adds comedy to his shit talking just for the hell of it. Count Bass D Talks shit to cover his insecuritities. I’ve been around many peeps who love to pop shit wherever they be at. Hell, my little great cousin does it all the time. It’s to the point that he thinks he's untouchable. My boys do it all the time to the point it pissed me off.

I guess personally I was never a shit talker. Why? Because I believe in whatever I say I’ll do regardless if I declare it or not. I was never quick with snappy banter either. Purposely. I’m a man of action as well as a grown ass man If I have to lay hands on some one then screw hollering “I’mma Beat yo’ ass!” I’m just gonna commence to ass beatings. I’m not gonna tell a broad I got skills in bed and exaggerate my goods. Im just gonna knock it out once I get the chance. I tried that mess long ago and I neva got the hang of it due to people calling my bluff. I’m rather comfortable being action personified.

Now that the semester’s over ive come to a crossroads if you will. Y’see my dilemma deals with work. The computer lab has not changed their times to 8-5pm but I usually sub during those times. What it comes down to is work somewhere where I dislike is very stressful but gets paid more; or work at a place where I get paid peanuts but is very stress free. I’ve already made my decision due to bills piling up and since the school year is ending in another month I wont be there much longer.

My fall semester’s over and soon I will be out of work of both jobs during the summer. And my landlord/mother is threatening to evict me like she usually does if I skip any payment of rent at all. At the moment my only hope of currency is to enroll full time in school during the summer. That way I can still work for the computer lab and keep money coming in.

In the meantime I’ve been hustling like crazy creating a good visual business plan of what I want to do on the side and how I will implement it. I made out some brief b-cards with my symbol being a phoenix (I will rise again, on my momma!) When im not doing those I’m submitting resumes all over the state and beyond. I’m taking K’s advice and submit resume’s even if your half qualified and read between the lines. I admit my negativity keeps me from seeing the logic in this but I’ll take her word for it and just do it since I got shit else to lose.

I know your just starting 4real, 4real, but I just wanted to say besides the cuties walking out in they skimpy outfits lookin sexy a hell. A nice petite cutie came by my way at a gas station wearing the shortest short skirt I ever seen. Like out a Marilyn Monroe flick the wind blew the dress up. Hotdamn. No underwear. Nice little ass too! Thank ya! :) :D :twisted:

Talking about how going out and meeting the right females don’t do shit for me. I ended up exchanging numbers with the female I was arguing with. Now I like when a woman aint afraid to approach a man but at the same time I told her my problems with women and how stuff like that doesn’t work all the time sort of putting me in a sad sack looking position. Now im awkward in calling this chick, I already know she's wild but I feel there’s a little mystery going on now like what she ask for after I told her my dilemma, that will usually blow a woman off? I'm not feeling this one bit. Hell and if I do call im so damn broke I wont be able to take her out. I aint feeling this...

Supreme Court bars Ten Commandments at courthouses.

Soon a kleptomaniac nasty freak into bi-sexual beastiality that killed his wife that cheated on him with the neighbor he accuses of wrong doing on sunday that worships a picture of himself... may be able to walk scott free.

I realize now how out of shape I am. Thank to the heat rising in my city im getting winded just by walking. My little anxiety attacks don’t help either. I stay worried about money and getting a new job. I’m still hoping to get something to set my mind at ease. I feel so tense recently that not even seeing the big nipples on Mariah at her malfunction does little for me right now.

I guess I need to find piece of mind but finding it is difficult when im wondering what my next move is gonna be. I decided not to apply for the recent job posted at my school since after reading it I would still be part time and make the same amount of money with more hard labor involved.

My main weakness in web design that everyone wants and I can’t give to them is flash. I still feel like im an “intermediate novice” (there’s an oxymoron for ya) and the call back I do get a job for ask me for portfolios using flash. I need to get on the ball and relearn the program. Unfortunately my school doesn’t have a full course on Flash, only the basics are taught and me personally I need the next level to be proficient. I long to create a web site strictly from flash, I want the training badly yet the good school are too expensive for me. What I’ve been thinking of doing it going grant searching to find something to help me take the courses I truly need.

As I sit up rockin to tunes which I feel help talk about what im going through the beats put me in a sad zone making wanna cry. I would suck it up but I gotta confront that shit, I can’t keep running from it and letting it swell inside.

So far this month, 3 people have told me about my weight gain and how im not skinny anymore. A few peeps especially my family were saying how I'm looking like my father more and more with the weight im lost. The fact remains is that my loosing weight wasn’t intentional. Because of the stress, being broke, my acid reflux, teaching woes and choosing sleep over eating for energy caused me to lose what I had. I still saw myself as the same old me. Everyone saw differently, the first realization I was gaining weight was when I put on my jean last month and noticed when I sat down they were too tight. My belt which was worn to only keep my size 42 pants up now fits perfectly. I know the absence of cookies & Doritos and chocolate in general followed with more walking is what I need to get back to where everyone saw me as. Thanks to the free Showtime weekend i was able to see Supersize Me and it also got me to consider my weight and how to change my eating. Knowing how lazy i am fast food is something i have to break away from like ive said before in previous posts. I'm gonna start eating more Salads and veggies(ugh) now. The wrestler Tatanka had a dope diet plan that still sticks in my head to this day. Mon-Fri eat healthy. Especially No fried fatty foods, and then on the weekend eat what you want only to compliment that with exercise whenever possible. It sounds sensible enough and im gonna give it a shot. Yeah battling the bulges is gonna be a new goal to take on with the rest of what I have on my agenda. I'll just have to see what happens.

Let me get into some real talk for a minute.

With the ladies im mingling with this non-sexual question comes out sooner or later. Are you a good kisser? Now a question like that is something that the other should say and not yourself. You can say you’re a good kisser and slobber allover the girl or have crusty cut your skin lips. I instantly say that No lady has ever said otherwise, right there that’s a hard one to swallow. I already know as well as she does that just because she doesn’t complain doesn’t mean she liked it. Due to the fact that I hate to brag I leave an open answer so that if they want to know if any part of my body will satisfy them physically they’d have to experience it first. I mean hey, Women hate to give up the coochie on the first date because they know we’ll get suspicious and leave and call them out their names for giving us what we wanted. I feel im using the same damn tactic so that you have to kiss me to find out.

After that question is asked I instantly tell them the downside of my skills which is: I don’t like french kissing. At all. And there are a few I have to break it down even more. No tongue. Once I say that the many ladies pout and wonder why. I usually tell them I never liked it. There’s some truth to that and here’s some history to that.

Rem,ember that south park episode? Ike was sayin,, I POOPED MAH PANTS!!! LMAO!!!

I went through my url portfolio of the sites ive designed professionally and freelance. After removing the sites that are dead and those that are redesigned I was left with a good 3 sites that havent changed since 2000! Even though I should expected this I can truly say im down to square one again, with over 6 years of experience yet nothing new learned under my belt. Time to figure out where do I go from here since nothing else is working.

How’s that song go? “It’s in his kiss?” naw, it’s in her Hugs!
Since I already got into my dislike of French kissing I want to talk about something that I love to do.

My aunt Sheila loved to give me five minute bear hugs when I was younger and fatter. She wouldn’t let go till I told her I couldn’t breathe. Even though it wasn’t the truth it would make her laugh. Caught up with my cousin Bonnie after not seeing each other for 10 years she saw me and ran towards me hugging me and not letting go till I told her “OK! OK! I missed you too!”

There’s something about a good hug that makes me feel special. Yet it depends on how you give it. I learned how much I loved hugs with my first gf. She had a particular way of letting me know that she missed me. There was a good 2 weeks ago we were apart I wan on vacation with my fam and then once I got back she was busy doing her thing with her fam. One day she called me and told me she was heading to “The Taste” and I asked her if should cop for me a slice of Eli’s double chocolate brownie cheesecake. The next day the door opened and there she was stopping by with the slice. With a big grin on my face I took the slice and lowered to give her a good peck on the lips goodbye. When I did that, all of a sudden she sprung in my arms to kiss me and I caught her by her legs so she wouldn’t fall. We kissed as she bear hugged me and then she headed on her way to her parents car. When she did that I felt like I was the fucking man! I felt that for her to be so affectionate really showed she cared for me. I appreciated that.

It was then that I felt I could judge my relationship with others by their hugs if we were on that level. If a female gave me a bear hug they to me that meant they really cared for me. A few of my friends who were petite would do the spring hug that my ex used to do. I love that shit! It’s like how men judge each others in their handshakes, I guess. A hug is also the only sign of public affection I’d gladly give in front of other people. I’ll put my arms around you faster than I’d hold ya hand (Yeah I got plenty issues. Lol)

In first dates a hug is how I can tell if the lady is interested in seeing me again. Of course I know its a awkward situation but the initial action help me know and get a feel if I was appreciated and also find out if she uses one arm (iffy) one arm with open hand (BAD) Both arms (your in there) both arms open hands (she needs time), was it long or short? Did she cling tightly? Did she give you a simple pat on the back? I encourage you to try and see how the nearest female hugs you in your life and then watch how she hugs others.
In my life the only female to ever give me the lightest hugs is my mother. Ironic twist ain’t it? Anyway all I’m saying is in a relationship you never know how much the other will do or go to be down with you and to me Hugging is a way that helps me.

Using song titles, I shall now explain a dream I had last night. I barely dream and when i do I usually dont remember them unless they stand out in some way. This one did.

Maybe it was just a fantasy, or my minds playin tricks on me. But my eyes couldn’t believe what I saw, What a P.y.t. Tenderonie they dont make them like her anymore. 6 feet, Tan skin, long dark hair great smile, nice breasts w/ juicy hips. Of course I see that many times but what set her apart is that she was all over me. I mean damn, am I dreaming? She kissed me with no tongue and it was nice is this just my imagination? This was too good to be true, I quickly began assuming and wondering “why’s she into me?” but she interrupted me with more kissing that made me melt (yeah brothas melt as well). It was like she was my trophy and I wanted to show her off. I caught myself doing things I normally wouldn’t do. I was holding her hand in public, kissing her in public. Man, what could this be that’s taken over me? This…Trophy? That’s how I was treating her and to my dismay as much as I wanted to stop I was addicted to keep going and worship her. I was ready to take care of her and do all kinds of shit I claimed I’d never do. Thinking to myself i'll be true and this proves im a one woman man. Was this sudden wave of emotion love or happiness? Either way I was in a state of euphoria I never experienced before with out one dirty sexual thought in my mind. I thought to myself this is how I should feel…

Then thanks to a loud sound outside I woke up.

Oh god, don’t wake me I’m dreaming. Please let me complete my dream if just for a little while. Is this a premonition of what I could have? Will she come back to me? Will I meet her in real life? I’m pissed. It was just an illusion. The glow that I felt al around me is gone and probably never return. As I lie down again and close my eyes and try to regain a vision of this, this phantasy girl. I realize she aint coming back and I should get back to life. Until now, reality used to be a friend of mine.